Yesterday, this song featured in a movie I was watching.
It was the end-theme of a bittersweet movie.
Hearing this song made me sad…but it also made me smile.
And today, even though I was not sad anymore, I was thinking all morning of how yesterday had actually been such a wonderful day overall, and how thankful I was for having had the opportunity to spend time with the people I love the most.
As well, I was thinking of L too – and realizing that He had delivered on what I’d wanted, on what I’d asked.
And then this song turned up on my recommended Spotify list this morning.
“You took my hand and drew me to your side, made me sit on the high seat before all men, till I became timid, unable to stir and walk my own way; doubting and debating at every step lest I should tread upon any thorn of their disfavour.
I am freed at last!
The blow has come, the drum of insult sounded, my seat is laid low in the dust.
My paths are open before me.
My wings are full of the desire of the sky.
I go to join the shooting stars of midnight, to plunge into the profound shadow.
I am like the storm-driven cloud of summer that, having cast off its crown of gold, hangs as a sword the thunderbolt upon a chain of lightning.
In desperate joy I run upon the dusty path of the despised; I draw near to your final welcome.
The child finds its mother when it leaves her womb.
When I am parted from you, thrown out from your household, I am free to see your face.
– from FRUIT GATHERING, by Rabindranath Tagore (May 1861 ~ August 1941)
[Translated from Bengali to English by Rabindranath Tagore]
Published in 1916
And suddenly…I understood.
(A Prayer to Be Free of Masks, [WIP])
All of my life I have been wounded
By the judgments of others, the shame of others,
And I’ve been holding myself prisoner
With my own judgments, my own shame.
So I put on many masks
To hide my wounds, to hide my shame.
Masks of strength and certainty
To hide my fear and my vulnerability
Masks of indifference and anger
To hide my grief and my pain.
Help me, Loki
To set myself free.
Reveal my lies to me.
Take my masks from me.
Show me my truest self
Teach me to be fearless
With no need to hide
Behind these masks.
I don’t know if I’d ever gotten around to mentioning this, but I am working on another project which has become rather intense lately.
After several incredibly productive weeks, it felt as if certain aspects of the project were just not flowing anymore, and I couldn’t figure out why.
So I pulled a few runes to see if I could tease out what was the source of the blockage:
And this is what came up.
Situation: Laguz – a rune that represents the essence of flow, the essence of depth, complexity.
Overall Aspect: Wunjo – a rune that represents joy. A rune of success and happiness. Situation has the potential to go well. Paired with Laguz, this felt like an excellent sign.
So what happened?
Result: Berkano, reversed- Like a sneaky ton of bricks, I immediately grasped the message here: Your attitude is affecting the potential here; your overall attitude is affecting the growth and the flow. I see Berkano as a rune of fertility here; and its reversal marks it as the blockage: a fertility that may be misdirected…a profound indicator about how my own attitude – perhaps I am ‘fertilizing’ or feeding my worries and stresses about the project rather than pushing past them or through them – and *that* is the problem.
I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such a clear message through my runes before….
But that’s it in a nutshell, as it relates to the project, it would seem that the runes are telling me to get the eff out of my own way.
Again, point taken, Sir. 😯
Being Wednesday, I wanted to share my ever-evolving playlist for Them:
One Thing – Finger Eleven
Monster – Starset
Lifeline – Thousand Foot Krutch
Everything You Want – Vertical Horizon
Outside – Staind
Bury Me With My Guns On – Bobaflex
Songs that I’ve written about previously:
Come With me Now – The Kongoes
Push It – Garbage
Misery – Soul Asylum
Love You Madly – Cake
Schism – Tool
Sail – AWOL Nation