“You took my hand and drew me to your side, made me sit on the high seat before all men, till I became timid, unable to stir and walk my own way; doubting and debating at every step lest I should tread upon any thorn of their disfavour.
I am freed at last!
The blow has come, the drum of insult sounded, my seat is laid low in the dust.
My paths are open before me.
My wings are full of the desire of the sky.
I go to join the shooting stars of midnight, to plunge into the profound shadow.
I am like the storm-driven cloud of summer that, having cast off its crown of gold, hangs as a sword the thunderbolt upon a chain of lightning.
In desperate joy I run upon the dusty path of the despised; I draw near to your final welcome.
The child finds its mother when it leaves her womb.
When I am parted from you, thrown out from your household, I am free to see your face.
– from FRUIT GATHERING, by Rabindranath Tagore (May 1861 ~ August 1941)
[Translated from Bengali to English by Rabindranath Tagore]
Published in 1916
And suddenly…I understood.
(A Prayer to Be Free of Masks, [WIP])
All of my life I have been wounded
By the judgments of others, the shame of others,
And I’ve been holding myself prisoner
With my own judgments, my own shame.
So I put on many masks
To hide my wounds, to hide my shame.
Masks of strength and certainty
To hide my fear and my vulnerability
Masks of indifference and anger
To hide my grief and my pain.
Help me, Loki
To set myself free.
Reveal my lies to me.
Take my masks from me.
Show me my truest self
Teach me to be fearless
With no need to hide
Behind these masks.
So I was finally catching up on Doctor Who this past Sunday, when the 12th Doctor (Peter Capaldi) from the Christmas 2016 episode, The Return of Doctor Mysterio, has this exchange with a young boy named Grant who asks the Doctor who he is:
YOUNG GRANT: Who are you?
DOCTOR: The Doctor.
YOUNG GRANT: Yeah, but who are you?
DOCTOR: The Doctor.
YOUNG GRANT: Which one, though? There’s lots of doctors.
DOCTOR: The one. I’m the main one. The original. I started it. They’re all based on me. Now everyone who wants to sound clever calls themselves Doctor. Bandwagon!
YOUNG GRANT: In a comic book, you know what you’d be called? Doctor Mysterio.
DOCTOR: Oh, I like that. Doctor Mysterio! I’ll have that. Nearly ready.
But it is this line that first caught me off guard:
YOUNG GRANT: What is it?
DOCTOR: Well, in terms that you would understand? Sorry, there aren’t any. It’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a time-distortion equaliser thingy.
YOUNG GRANT: A what?
DOCTOR: Well, there’s been a lot of localised disruption here in New York, so, er, my fault, actually. Hopefully this will make it all calm down.
YOUNG GRANT: I don’t understand.
DOCTOR: Do you know what a lightning conductor is?
YOUNG GRANT: Yeah.
DOCTOR: Well, it’s not like that.
I hate to get all Pop-Paganism on y’all, but this particular Doctor evokes so much of the essence of Them for me that I am continually being thrown off guard by those sorts of random side comments. Especially when I find myself wondering what the heck They mean…because there is so much about Them, what They do and what They want that I have gotten to the point that I am beginning to wonder if it will ever make sense.
But as Madeline L’Engle wrote:
It’s kind of funny that the word “learned” is used here, since what she’s learned is that you can’t know everything.
Instead of learning as gaining knowledge, here it’s recognizing a lack of knowledge.
Today I made an offering to Loki
and received this odd little bit of synchronicity:
From Gravity Falls’ Mabel, of all places.
Point taken, Sir. ❤
I haven’t done a rune-pull in a long time, but the other day, I had the surprising urge to do so.
And I pulled Uruz.
(artwork: Uruz, by Miky, from his Book of Shadows; here.)
Funny, of all the runes, I will admit that Uruz – the second rune of the first Aett of the Futhark – does not come up in my readings very often, and so I am not as familiar with its meanings as much as I am about some of the other runes.
This is odd, as I was showing my son K a bindrune that I had seen that incorporated Dagaz, Gebo and Uruz as part of its structure earlier that morning, so it was an unusual coincidence that this rune –which I had mentioned to K that I was not so familiar with – would be the next rune to come up in a rune pull.
How amazing it is when the Universe conspires to highlight a lesson. I was just saying I wasn’t so sure of the meanings/power of Uruz…and now here it is. Perhaps I should have expected it.
My overall impressions of this rune are vague at best, as I knew that it is a rune associated with that animal, the auroch (as pictured in the artwork above), and in a reading, I often felt Uruz represented a physical obstacle or unpleasant task that must be faced in order to move forward.
Doing some research on Uruz, I found this description, and I was pleased to see that my basic impression of Uruz wasn’t so far off:
This rune signifies the power of the universe but it is a power that cannot be owned or controlled. [Uruz represents] the strength within you to fulfill your dreams, but with that strength comes responsibility. Strength is not a force to wield over others but a force to stop others from exerting power over you. Use your strength to keep focused on your present path and stop yourself from being outmaneuvered.
[Other aspects of Uruz] include emotional and spiritual strength, male sexual potency, and good health.
Another interpretation I got when reading the translation from the above mentioned website that featured the artwork:
Uruz is a physical manifestation of a challenge which leads to a major life change. Much depends upon the strategy you choose when you approach this challenge or task, as you may be required to overcome yourself in rising to the challenge or task.
Uruz represents personal success, so be ready to accept the process and…step into personal power.
Uruz is also known as a rune of healing and health, so if you need that vitality, Uruz is the rune.
Something worrisome is happening…
but there is nothing much I can do at 9:18PM EST
…but if you know me, you know that I’m worrying anyway.
And then, my son surprises me with this inspired piece of pandoramancy.
And that’s how I knew that this had to be today’s Song of the Day:
I laughed – because I love this video – but then I burst into tears.
I don’t know how he could have known.
And yet the message – that everything is going to be OK – is something that I didn’t expect to hear, and yet it is a message is one that I needed to hear so badly right at the moment….
Sometimes the worry overwhelms me.
But the Universe seems to want me to know
Even if the sky is falling down
I know that we’ll be safe and sound
We’re safe and sound
Oh…and seeing those little singing cotton balls especially helped cheer me up a little. ❤
Some of my long-time readers have begun to notice that my devotional practices seem to have shifted a bit.
A major feature of this surprising change has manifested in that while I still work primarily with Loki, I have begun some major work with Odin.
(Yes. Believe me, no one was more surprised than I was concerning that change – trust me on that.)
The bulk of this work – regarding runes, astral travel, and energy movement – often occurs somewhere within the liminal hours, especially as Tuesday bleeds into Wednesday….
Which lately, has led me to have some rather restless nights, full of much sleep interruption.
Despite how I feel about that, it is the way it has been for the past several weeks now.
So, while walking one of my dogs this AM, this song came up:
….as I was thinking thoughts on how it’s been going concerning working with the Two of Them, and I realized that there are several aspects to these interactions that are expressed rather well through this bit o’ pandoramancy.
They *do* seem to know just what I need
And They might just have the thing…
because They *both* know what I’d pay to feel.
And… since I’m often prone to being a touch melodramatic when I’m sleep-deprived, I have been known to ask Them to – y’know –
put me out of my misery…
The suicide king being Odin
and you know the drama queen just has to be Loki.