So, it happened.
A woman from one of the Lokean FB groups I am in, has been ‘told’ to ‘hold the bowl for Sigyn.’
She was asking if anyone had done such a ritual, asking for connections to the lore, as well as a possible layout for such a ritual.
Judging by the initial comments, surprisingly, there seemed to be a lot of curious folks that hadn’t heard of it — meanwhile, there were several others who had heard of it but didn’t know where a layout could be found.
So I tried posting a particularly concise layout as a comment to the OP
-and I was dismayed to discover that FB only allows 400 words or less in a comment –
so I sent her a link to a script of the layout (similar to one I’ve used) in a PM message.
(And then to see the few hits to this post right here on this blog.)
I’m taking this as yet another reason that I need to get my ass in gear about the book…
as perhaps this is yet another possible sign from Them
that I should have been at the point of publishing like… yesterday.*
Though honestly, I have been working on the book
but I also have been getting hung up
mostly because, as always
I have been struggling to find the words to succinctly convey what it is that I am trying to say.
Yes, I have been hemming and hawing with my edits because – if you know me, you know I want it to be perfect.
And then I see this meme posted as a recommended pin on my Pinterest feed:
Point taken, Sir.
* And further nudging abounds with this later comment from another user regarding sharing ritual results: Not all answers are in the past, make this up yourself or with creative friends, and please share what you come up with. We need new, modern rituals like this to worship Loki’s much neglected kin…
Why yes. Yes, we do.
I want to believe this is the sort of kindness I could practice, as I have been wrangling with words all day concerning a particularly thorny issue involving the limits of my compassion towards others.
Ah, fuck it…the limits of my compassion towards a particular individual.
So here’s yet another chain of days wherein I am left contemplating the line between being compassionate and being naive.
I hope that you all had a wonderful Yule and Merry Solstice!
My family and I enjoyed a lovely low-key holiday, full of some much needed down-time.
And speaking of Loki
– and we were, weren’t we? –
I finally finished embroidering the corners of this altar cloth that I had been working on for about the last week or so:
This altar cloth was inspired by an ongoing conversation taking place in one of the Lokean groups I’m in concerning instances of Loki’s shapeshifting.
While many folks – including myself – associate Loki with foxes, snakes, spiders, and other various creatures, a lot of the discussion could be separated into discussion of Loki’s shapeshifting according to the Lore(tm)
the forms He takes during more UPG interactions (i.e visual forms taken during personal interactions with individual devotees during meditation, dreams, and mundane coincidences.)
Though while I’ve no doubt that Loki as a God and a Jotun is capable of shapeshifting into whatever form that He wishes, this altar cloth was meant to depict four forms Loki has taken that are directly attested to in the Eddas and elsewhere:
This altar cloth is made of 100% white cotton, and black poly/cotton thread used to stitch each Celtic knot inspired design.
Orange-yellow ombre thread used as a bit of accent within the eye of each form, in reference to Geirrod’s assertion that Loki is recognizable in any form by the appearance of His eyes.
This altar cloth is slightly rectangular – measuring a total of 19″x 22″ inches, and is completely machine washable and dryable.
Free shipping on all U.S orders
Price: $15.00 USD
According to Etsy, I have been a customer of various shops hosted there since 2010, and as much as I always intended to open my own shop, I never did.
But I have been making my own devotional jewelry – usually ankle bracelets and necklaces – since 2010.
As well, there are several altar items
– such as altar cloths, sculptures, and other various accessories –
that I’ve always made for myself, since I couldn’t always find what I wanted for my altars.
So after years of getting compliments on what I’ve made, I’ve decided to see how it goes…
Here is my Etsy shop,
where you will find some of the Norse-inspired
(and definitely Loki-inspired)
glass bead jewelry and altar items that I’ve made.
Thanks for checking it out!
UPDATE: For those interested, here is the WordPress blog that I’ve dedicated exclusively to my shop
Since I am still struggling with several overlapping illnesses at this time – ear infection, sinus infection, and general malaise – you may that I haven’t had much of the wherewithal to write these past few days.
Hence the reason that I’ve gotten so behind in keeping up with my daily posts this July in the Month for Loki.
But I have been reading a lot – and this powerful post came across my WordPress feed today, concerning Loki as a God Who is rather popular with folks who have struggled with various forms of abuse, difficulty, and dysfunction in their lives. I agree with her especially in this:
One of the biggest groups of people who tend to find themselves interacting with Loki are those who have been abused in some way. The ones who have lost themselves and need to be guided back – who need to learn who they are again. Loki teaches us that it’s okay to not be okay. He teaches us that it’s okay to be wounded and feel the wound so that it can heal properly.
While my experiences were not exactly the same as those of Ms. Kyaza, I can relate to a lot of her experiences, especially in regards to dysfunctional family relationships.
I can definitely identify with the ambivalent feelings that arise out of having suffered physical and emotional abuse at the hands of those whom I trusted most to love and respect me.
In fact, there were several occasions wherein I found myself dangerously close to tears while reading her post, as her description of her thoughts and feelings about her mother and their relationship so closely resonated with my own experiences so powerfully.
Reading her post made me feel a strange mixture of feelings.
I felt both a sense of exposure and a sense of triumphant relief in reading this post.
I felt an incredible sense of exposure and shame – as in reading her words, I was so acutely reminded of the immensity of my own desire to please my mother (and in turn, my siblings) who often rejected my efforts by responding with anger, ridicule or outright dismissal. And yet, I remember that guilt, that shame. I had grown up feeling that somehow, if I could just do better, work harder, love more – then finally, I would receive love; I would deserve love.
And yet, while reading, I also felt an undercurrent of strange relief – here was someone who writes so eloquently of navigating emotional landmines that I understand.
I felt understood. I felt heard.
I am not alone in this pain.
I am not the only one.
You see, I have both loved and hated my mother and my siblings – and as a result, in turn, as a woman and as a mother, I have both loved and hated myself. I struggled – and still struggle – with the emotional scars of my upbringing. I crave to feel understood, to feel safe, to feel loved, and yet I have been skeptical of the existence of a relationship wherein I can feel understood, safe and loved. Sometimes, I find myself skeptical of those who have tried to nurture me, so deeply ingrained was my belief that I did not deserve even my mother’s love, the love of my brothers and sisters.
It took me years to decipher that it was not my inadequacy or failing, but the lack of self-love and incapacity to receive love that my mother (and perhaps of those even further back) suffered with that continues this horrible chain.
It affects all of my relationships. I have tried valiantly to be the mother that my own wasn’t, and yet, I still find myself wondering if I’ve fallen short, if I’ve done a disservice to my children. As a person, I have endeavored to be emotionally reliable, compassionate, and kind, and yet, sometimes, I am a victim of my own perfectionism and pessimism, and my own distorted habits and worldviews.
I am estranged from my family, even today.
But the truth is, I am no longer estranged from myself. I am no longer lost.
I had to learn to break the cycle of the past. It is daily work to remain mindful of my emotional responses and reactions whenever I interact with others. (Is it kind? Is it necessary? Am I responding from a place of love and understanding rather than from fear or anger, for example.)
I have learned to be acutely aware of my own negative self-talk and self-limiting behaviors and beliefs. I am learning to accept myself and recognize my strengths and weaknesses, as well as accepting and recognizing that everyone else also has their own struggles with similar issues, with similar emotions, behaviors and beliefs about themselves – and none of us are perfect. Perfection is stagnation.
I am learning to allow myself …to feel vulnerable. To feel angry. To be open to my own emotions and not fear the emotions, reactions, or responses of others. I am learning to be accountable. I am learning to let go of what doesn’t work and focus on what does. I am learning to let go and trust the process. Trust Him and trust myself.
Loki taught me a lot of these things. He has taught me to embrace imperfection, to confront fear of loss or change, to let go of the need to control outcomes, to work with what I’ve been given, and most of all, to allow myself, to open myself to love.
Love the process of living, love the process of learning.
Hail Loki, God of the lost and…found.
Thank You for finding me.
Another re-blog…but it is good and necessary food for thought today.
I highly recommend reading if you are prone to negative self-talk and worrying, (ie, ‘brain-weasels’)
Hello everyone, welcome ❤
I was trying to get caught up reading and commenting to posts the other day and I came to a one that dray0308 from Dream Big Dream Often reblogged. The title of the post was “Worrying About Nothing” This post was about questioning yourself, your choices and decisions rather than just living and enjoying your life.
It’s sad how often we judge ourselves. We suffer under the crushing fear that we can’t live the life we want because we aren’t doing enough, we aren’t good enough, we aren’t smart enough, we aren’t pretty or handsome enough. We just aren’t, right enough.
I’ve been to that dark place. I spent 10 years struggling with little to no self esteem and believing everything bad in my life was my fault, that there was nothing I could do right. I spared no judgment against myself. I saw my son, how we…
View original post 441 more words
Last night, I got quite drunk off this strawberry moonshine, and had some incredible loving.
Then, this morning, I woke up with a killer hangover (possible ‘bangover’, too.)
My gods, the nausea, the headache was almost too much to bear. Almost.
I think that I might have been grateful to go back to bed once the MS got up for work at 8:00AM.
Oddly enough, it seemed that I may have still been drunk (or still feeling the effect of my drunkeness) because I definitely remember stumbling into the bathroom around 6:00AM. (My pre-disposition to kidney stones has made it so if I have to go, it is painfully uncomfortable if I do not.)
(All I can say is that things still looked/felt wobbly and hazy, which is unusual. It’s not as if I had that much.)
Right then I felt as if I was sweating out -my body temperature felt abnormally high, and I felt as if I had taken a ten-minute afternoon vacation to Panama at the height of summer.
And even though I don’t know how I did it, I vaguely recollect that I checked in on my kid and I did somehow get Loki a cup of coffee.
Then I remember drinking two large glasses of water and then collapsing on the couch in my living room….and I’m not ashamed to admit that that couch suddenly felt like the coolest side of every pillow ever.
I woke up to go to the bathroom again at some point, drank more water, and then I must’ve climbed into bed in my bedroom. I don’t remember going to the bedroom again, nor do I remember seeing my MS get up to go to work, but he obviously went to work.
What followed after 8:00 AM featured some very vivid hangover fever-dreams, complete with changing positions often because I kept waking up to find myself completely entangled in the bedsheets.
Meanwhile, I think that it is safe to assume that these dreams weren’t entirely unpleasant because I do remember talking to Loki somewhat, and there was a lot of trance-talk combined with a lot of sensually triggering imagery and sensation. There was much intensity and even more conversation over some specifically detailed philosophical concepts, and I think that the dream-Loki thought it was all very amusing.
I woke up several times, very much aware of my own liminally-aroused state, and often well-aware that I had been talking and reacting loudly enough to wake myself up O.o
(While this is not something that I didn’t know, I still felt an embarrassed sort of shame that I was being so…noisy.)
So, in short, my oddly self-aware yet half-drunken state led to a philosophical sex-magickal interaction between Loki and I.
I gather that He and I talked about other topics too, as I found out later that I had confused a conversation that I’d had with V last night about plans for the weekend with a conversation that I’d obviously had with Loki this morning.
Case in point, I seemed to have thought that V and I had had a conversation about smoking* last night because I remember talking about how I’d wanted to smoke and V was the person that I distinctly remember talking to about that.
And in that remembered conversation, I remember that V had teased me about hiding my stash and even jokingly admonished me for holding out on him, because didn’t I know how much he enjoyed smoking with me?
So I thought/remembered that V was insisting that we should smoke last night to celebrate the ending of the month.
But when I asked V later this morning why he wanted to smoke last night – a weekday night – when he usually insists upon waiting until the weekend–
V just looked at me blankly, and said,
“We can smoke if you want — but I don’t think that we talked about that at all – last night, or ever.”
So. I guess that this means that Loki is back to borrowing V’s face and form to convey Himself in dreams…as my husband.
And so I imagine that that means Loki wants me to smoke with Him in celebration of the end of the month.
Though, to note, usually Loki isn’t that obvious in His directives to me. Or rather, He hasn’t been so direct with me in quite a while.
Nonetheless, the point is taken.
Hail to Loki, Who is not above borrowing mundane faces ❤
*(And P.S.A: Lay off the strawberry moonshine, kids! And quite possibly, the dream-discussion of entheogens…)