bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Category: 4 am trolling

A surprise night visitor.

Much like the rest of the country, the weather around here has been unbearably hot (even for August!), with temperatures reaching close to 87 degrees at 3 AM.

So, as I am prone to do when it’s that hot, I have been sleeping in the living room under the ceiling fan (because my husband is one of those people who cannot seem to sleep ‘while a cold breeze is blowing on [him])’ — which is fine by me.

So, a few nights ago, that’s where I was – trying to sleep on the living room couch – when I was suddenly awakened by the sensation of something landing on the side of my face.

Suitably freaked out, I opened my eyes, and involuntarily swatted my face, to see *a white frog* land on the coffee table in front of me.

It looked very similar to this:

This is a Pinewoods Tree Frog

The fact that it was white struck me as a bit strange, as I did not know that frogs could be white, as I had assumed that most frogs around here were of more camouflaging colors, such as green, and brown, or gray.

And how it got into my house, much less onto my face seemed a mystery too – though once I thought about it, I figured that it must’ve gotten in earlier in the evening. (Perhaps it had been hiding between the cushions of the couch and climbed out soon after I laid down, who knows….)

So I got up and opened the slider door (which is a scant three feet from the couch) in hopes that it would simply hop back out on its own before any of my four cats noticed its presence…

But it didn’t budge.

So, figuring that it would realize the situation soon enough and make its escape, I left the slider open and I laid back down on the couch.

I even closed my eyes.

But then, this frog did an unexpected thing: it jumped onto my face again.

Surprised, I involuntarily sat up and the frog tumbled limply into my lap…and simply sat quietly in the folds of my night-shirt.

And it sat there for a solid 5 minutes.

It didn’t look hurt or scared – or even that bothered to be sitting on my lap.

Silly frog, I thought to myself, you’re so odd. And we are lucky that none of the cats are around.

Then, cradling the frog in my shirt, I slowly stood up and walked through the open slider and into the patio.

Once outdoors, I crouched down at the edge of the bricks, and I dropped this weird little white frog gently onto the grass.

And still, it sat there – looking like an unbaked dinner roll in the shadows of the grass of my backyard – several moments before it hopped away.

Weird.

Frustrated, Incorporated.

 

Some of my long-time readers have begun to notice that my devotional practices seem to have shifted a bit.

A major feature of this surprising change has manifested in that while I still work primarily with Loki, I have begun some major work with Odin.

(Yes.  Believe me, no one was more surprised than I was concerning that change – trust me on that.)

The bulk of this work – regarding runes, astral travel, and energy movement – often occurs somewhere within the liminal hours, especially as Tuesday bleeds into Wednesday….

Which lately, has led me to have some rather restless nights, full of much sleep interruption.

*yawn*

Despite how I feel about that, it is the way it has been for the past several weeks now.

So, while walking one of my dogs this AM, this song came up:

….as I was thinking thoughts on how it’s been going concerning working with the Two of Them, and I realized that there are several aspects to these interactions that are expressed rather well through this bit o’ pandoramancy.

Because…yes.  

They *do* seem to  know just what I need

And They might just have the thing…

because They *both*  know what I’d pay to feel.

And… since I’m often prone to being a touch melodramatic when I’m sleep-deprived, I have been known to ask Them to – y’know –

 put me out of my misery…

The suicide king being Odin

                                            and you know the drama queen just has to be Loki.

A thing about…Heather(s)

(From dream of 29 October:)

I was talking to Him about conduits, and He  was encouraging.

Then, suddenly…I heard V talking loudly.

So loudly, it woke me up.

I rolled over to look at V, and he had his eyes open.  

He seemed wide awake, and he seemed to be looking right at me.

Then, V said to me: 

“Just be me. Come… just be me.”

And that made no sense to me.

Then, V shut his eyes, and rolled over.

And even stranger – about 20 minutes later – V awakened, got out of the bed, and stumbled towards the toilet.

 Evidently V had no memory of what he’d said.

~~~

I don’t know why we talk about these things. 

Yes, I’m not certain as to how I feel about what He says about conduits.**

But I don’t like the part – the insinuation that I’m not sure if it’s an insinuation at all –  that I *must* consider these things, even if I don’t talk about it.

~~~

Years ago, I wrote that people named Heather are always conceited in some way. 

Heathers have a desire to be important.  

And I think about what He’d said during a recent meditation, concerning the reasons for performing seidhr.

And He had this to say about a Heather I used to know – that is, L.O.L*:

Heather wanted recognition from the community.

Meanwhile, I just wanted a community of people to with whom to connect.

~~~

But after dream-interactions like this, I ask myself:

Do I want something more?

Do I want more than to be seen?

I feel shame over wanting recognition at all. 

I feel selfish. 

I ask myself why.

I just want a quiet community where I don’t have to talk about things with others unless I want to.

But I do know something about myself and that is …

To check myself, I often feel the need to share my experiences:

Is this happening to you too? 

What does it mean? 

Does He want this from you too? 

What does it mean?

~~~

*(Local Other Lokean, named Heather)

** Edited to add.

Month for Loki, Day 19: in the deep

inthedeep

What struck me the most about this quote is that is unattributed except for

written by him

The Universe is funny.

When I saw this on my media feed this evening, it had all the earmarks of  a message as if it was written by Him.

For it is true, you know:

If you seek Him, you will find Him

in the depths between

All these places you’ve come to know

And all those places you’ve yet to go.

A confession.

I would like to admit that I have been rather antisocial lately.

One might even go as far as to say that I am on the edge of being too irritable for human interaction specifically.

(Some might be tempted to blame that super-moon in Pisces that just occurred.  I remember reading something yesterday about how a ‘moon in Pisces’ causes increased emotional tension and whatnot.  Color me not surprised.)

That would go a long way in explaining why I’ve found myself in these conversations with others that occur despite the fact that I have been desperately trying to avoid conversation, much less interaction lately.

Hel, it is more than likely that I have been avoiding interactions with others so that I may avoid the possibility of conflict and/or tension.

And it is exactly at times like these

He will often say things  just to bait me into verbal sparring.

But this time He did it slyly with a compliment.

Me:  (says knee-jerk cranky, judgmental thing concerning politics)

Him: Wow.  That’s…interesting and a bit extreme.  Do you care to explain your position?

Me: No.  I’m cranky.  Too irritated to explain.  I’m just being judgmental. *flushes a little, looks away*

Him: Well, Heathir, if I were to judge you like that, then I would just have to…. love you for everything you do.

Me: Wait.  What?

(Meanwhile, whilst typing this out, Autocorrect kept changing the above text to ‘ I would just have to… fuck you for everything you do‘ O.o)

Mindfsckery…with compliments, no less.

 

A short conversation.

Saturday, 18 April 2015.

4:36 am

Me: *drunken whinge*

Mr. L: *raises eyebrow*

Me: *more whinge*

Mr. L:  Hey.  Hey.  Shhh.

Me: *pauses*

Mr L:  Do you hear that?

Me:   Um…what?  *looks around blearily*

Mr L: You.  Not complaining.  That’s a wonderful sound, don’t you think? *smirk*