bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Category: 4 am trolling

Frustrated, Incorporated.

 

Some of my long-time readers have begun to notice that my devotional practices seem to have shifted a bit.

A major feature of this surprising change has manifested in that while I still work primarily with Loki, I have begun some major work with Odin.

(Yes.  Believe me, no one was more surprised than I was concerning that change – trust me on that.)

The bulk of this work – regarding runes, astral travel, and energy movement – often occurs somewhere within the liminal hours, especially as Tuesday bleeds into Wednesday….

Which lately, has led me to have some rather restless nights, full of much sleep interruption.

*yawn*

Despite how I feel about that, it is the way it has been for the past several weeks now.

So, while walking one of my dogs this AM, this song came up:

….as I was thinking thoughts on how it’s been going concerning working with the Two of Them, and I realized that there are several aspects to these interactions that are expressed rather well through this bit o’ pandoramancy.

Because…yes.  

They *do* seem to  know just what I need

And They might just have the thing…

because They *both*  know what I’d pay to feel.

And… since I’m often prone to being a touch melodramatic when I’m sleep-deprived, I have been known to ask Them to – y’know –

 put me out of my misery…

The suicide king being Odin

                                            and you know the drama queen just has to be Loki.

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A thing about…Heather(s)

(From dream of 29 October:)

I was talking to Him about conduits, and He  was encouraging.

Then, suddenly…I heard V talking loudly.

So loudly, it woke me up.

I rolled over to look at V, and he had his eyes open.  

He seemed wide awake, and he seemed to be looking right at me.

Then, V said to me: 

“Just be me. Come… just be me.”

And that made no sense to me.

Then, V shut his eyes, and rolled over.

And even stranger – about 20 minutes later – V awakened, got out of the bed, and stumbled towards the toilet.

 Evidently V had no memory of what he’d said.

~~~

I don’t know why we talk about these things. 

Yes, I’m not certain as to how I feel about what He says about conduits.**

But I don’t like the part – the insinuation that I’m not sure if it’s an insinuation at all –  that I *must* consider these things, even if I don’t talk about it.

~~~

Years ago, I wrote that people named Heather are always conceited in some way. 

Heathers have a desire to be important.  

And I think about what He’d said during a recent meditation, concerning the reasons for performing seidhr.

And He had this to say about a Heather I used to know – that is, L.O.L*:

Heather wanted recognition from the community.

Meanwhile, I just wanted a community of people to with whom to connect.

~~~

But after dream-interactions like this, I ask myself:

Do I want something more?

Do I want more than to be seen?

I feel shame over wanting recognition at all. 

I feel selfish. 

I ask myself why.

I just want a quiet community where I don’t have to talk about things with others unless I want to.

But I do know something about myself and that is …

To check myself, I often feel the need to share my experiences:

Is this happening to you too? 

What does it mean? 

Does He want this from you too? 

What does it mean?

~~~

*(Local Other Lokean, named Heather)

** Edited to add.

Month for Loki, Day 19: in the deep

inthedeep

What struck me the most about this quote is that is unattributed except for

written by him

The Universe is funny.

When I saw this on my media feed this evening, it had all the earmarks of  a message as if it was written by Him.

For it is true, you know:

If you seek Him, you will find Him

in the depths between

All these places you’ve come to know

And all those places you’ve yet to go.

A confession.

I would like to admit that I have been rather antisocial lately.

One might even go as far as to say that I am on the edge of being too irritable for human interaction specifically.

(Some might be tempted to blame that super-moon in Pisces that just occurred.  I remember reading something yesterday about how a ‘moon in Pisces’ causes increased emotional tension and whatnot.  Color me not surprised.)

That would go a long way in explaining why I’ve found myself in these conversations with others that occur despite the fact that I have been desperately trying to avoid conversation, much less interaction lately.

Hel, it is more than likely that I have been avoiding interactions with others so that I may avoid the possibility of conflict and/or tension.

And it is exactly at times like these

He will often say things  just to bait me into verbal sparring.

But this time He did it slyly with a compliment.

Me:  (says knee-jerk cranky, judgmental thing concerning politics)

Him: Wow.  That’s…interesting and a bit extreme.  Do you care to explain your position?

Me: No.  I’m cranky.  Too irritated to explain.  I’m just being judgmental. *flushes a little, looks away*

Him: Well, Heathir, if I were to judge you like that, then I would just have to…. love you for everything you do.

Me: Wait.  What?

(Meanwhile, whilst typing this out, Autocorrect kept changing the above text to ‘ I would just have to… fuck you for everything you do‘ O.o)

Mindfsckery…with compliments, no less.

 

A short conversation.

Saturday, 18 April 2015.

4:36 am

Me: *drunken whinge*

Mr. L: *raises eyebrow*

Me: *more whinge*

Mr. L:  Hey.  Hey.  Shhh.

Me: *pauses*

Mr L:  Do you hear that?

Me:   Um…what?  *looks around blearily*

Mr L: You.  Not complaining.  That’s a wonderful sound, don’t you think? *smirk*