So, after several days of writers’ block… I suddenly have the urge to post.
You see, I just finished dinner moments ago, but while I was eating, I was doing the very thing that I’d always told my children not to do: I was reading — on the Internet. (But, mind you, i wasn’t being rude or ignoring anyone in deference to the Internet; rather, my son was ignoring *me* during dinner, as he was busy being his typical gamer self and rushing to finish his own dinner so he could get back to the latest mission on WatchDogs 2.)
So I was reading anxious waves’ blog, and I must admit, I was positively gorging myself on her blog also while enjoying my dinner. Feeding my mind while feeding the body.
And let me tell you, I was getting positively drunk on her words !
Have you ever read something so well written that it suddenly gives you the urge to write yourself? That’s how you get drunk on words, my friends, and that’s what was happening to me right then. But the difference being that anxious waves deftly plies her craft: her posts are tight, succinct and remarkably well-written. She appears a delightfully sober writer whose words flow and shift within the structure of her paragraphs in a controlled and purposeful fashion. Her graceful prose walks purposefully and confidently down the sidewalk.
Meanwhile I am drunk with language, playing fast and loose with the words, and the structure of these sentences is likely meandering haphazardly all over this post, much like a drunk person stumbling down the street.
Well, comparison is the thief of joy and thus, when I consider my efforts, I begin to notice that I could have written this much better than I have done…but I am grateful anyway. Her blog has inspired me, and perhaps given me that much-needed nudge towards doing some actual writing rather than sitting on my hands and yearning for perfection.
and in that, I find only good things.
I’ve got another earworm.
This is that song that is sampled in the Apple iPhone 7 commercial “Balloons”
Here is this full version, titled I Will Follow You by Toulouse.
For some reason, this song has been a rather persistent earworm for me these past few days.
Though this song’s persistence hasn’t reached pandoramancy levels yet, I did want to mark it in the form of this post.
While the sentiment is nice, I post this in an attempt to finally shake it loose from my brain.
Otherwise, carry on.
(From dream of 29 October:)
I was talking to Him about conduits, and He was encouraging.
Then, suddenly…I heard V talking loudly.
So loudly, it woke me up.
I rolled over to look at V, and he had his eyes open.
He seemed wide awake, and he seemed to be looking right at me.
Then, V said to me:
“Just be me. Come… just be me.”
And that made no sense to me.
Then, V shut his eyes, and rolled over.
And even stranger – about 20 minutes later – V awakened, got out of the bed, and stumbled towards the toilet.
Evidently V had no memory of what he’d said.
I don’t know why we talk about these things.
Yes, I’m not certain as to how I feel about what He says about conduits.**
But I don’t like the part – the insinuation that I’m not sure if it’s an insinuation at all – that I *must* consider these things, even if I don’t talk about it.
Years ago, I wrote that people named Heather are always conceited in some way.
Heathers have a desire to be important.
And I think about what He’d said during a recent meditation, concerning the reasons for performing seidhr.
And He had this to say about a Heather I used to know – that is, L.O.L*:
Heather wanted recognition from the community.
Meanwhile, I just wanted a community of people to with whom to connect.
But after dream-interactions like this, I ask myself:
Do I want something more?
Do I want more than to be seen?
I feel shame over wanting recognition at all.
I feel selfish.
I ask myself why.
I just want a quiet community where I don’t have to talk about things with others unless I want to.
But I do know something about myself and that is …
To check myself, I often feel the need to share my experiences:
Is this happening to you too?
What does it mean?
Does He want this from you too?
What does it mean?
*(Local Other Lokean, named Heather)
** Edited to add.