bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Month: June, 2018

Two.

 

 

On June 11th, 2016, my husband and I went to see Frank Turner at the Beacham, a very small local club in Downtown Orlando:

gogolbordello

 

As I recall, we had stopped for dinner before the show, and thus, we had parked a good walk from the Beacham itself.

But it was a nice night, not too humid, good for walking, so we did not mind.

And as we were walking down the sidewalk, we happened to pass by another local nightclub.

I remember looking at the nondescript black and white sign with its simple logo – a large letter P – and I remember that my husband and I joked that here was another tiny nightclub whose sign looked larger than its building.

We wondered if that night club was as small a club as the Beacham was, and then we kept walking toward the Beacham, which my phone’s GPS had calculated was about 1.7 miles from there.

As you can see above, The Beacham’s lineup that night featured Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls, followed by Gogol Bordello. (There was also an opening act at 6 pm, that isn’t listed there: Walter Screifels – I thought his set was surprisingly mellow and acoustic for a musician listed as being a ‘hardcore alternative/punk musician’)

Though we arrived in time to see Walter Screifels’ set, and definitely enjoyed Frank Turner’s performance, Frank and his band had done the last encore by 8:50 PM*

(*i.e; by punk standards, that was still rather early on a Saturday night!)

I remember being unsure if we were going to stay to see Gogol Bordello, who were slated to be onstage by 9:00PM.

But my husband had had a tough work-week of long hours and a very long day already, as a late Friday night server meltdown had bled into his working earlier into that afternoon.

So when we walked out into the tiny lobby to see that even more people had arrived, cramming themselves into an already overcrowded front room, my husband sighed

….and we decided right then, that we weren’t going to stay to see Gogol Bordello.

So we went home and went to bed.

And when I woke up on the morning of June 12th, the first news I heard was that there’d been a shooting at a local Orlando nightclub…

And 50 people were injured, perhaps dead….

The nightclub?

Pulse.

That same little nightclub that we’d joked had a sign bigger than its building – at 1912 South Orange Ave:

pulsememorial

And the first thing I thought was – if we had stayed to see Gogol Bordello…

We would have walked right past there, on the way to our car…

Likely either during… or just after the shooting.

And that is why my cell was blown up with calls.

People wondered if we were all right. People were worried.

~~~

We were heartbroken that morning two years ago.

And still breaks my heart even now, to think of that morning.

But a friend of mine – Brandon – wrote this morning:

“But even as I did begin to rise and start my day, I remind myself that although we are another year separated from that morning, those of us that can remember that morning only do so because we have been given the gift of another morning ourselves. We remember the lives that were cut short, and live our lives to honor those that were ended too soon. We heal, but we keep the scars as reminders of what happened. The world may dwell in hate, but love will always win. Let your actions be guided by love and wear your scars proudly for the world to see.

You are here at the start of a moment.

It is my sincere hope, my prayer, that in our lifetimes there will be a generation that does not know hate, only love. And it will be our responsibility to show them why that love is so important and to never take it for granted. Never take love for granted.”

~~~

And then this past Sunday, I had the wonderful opportunity to see Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls perform again:

 

Like Brandon, and like Frank…

I hope that we could all learn to be a little more kind.

 

 

 

 

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*scene missing*

Hey, how are you all doing?

I realized that I haven’t really written an actual post in quite a while, though it’s not for lack of material.

Often, when I am planning to write about certain topics, my brain will inadvertently begin constructing these wonderfully succinct, perfectly worded posts upon those topics – usually while I’m doing something else (like doing the dishes, walking my dogs, or at worst, trying to sleep).

But the funny thing is, when when I sit down to write out those thoughts, I can’t think of what it was that I intended to say. My vocabulary just disappears!  All of those effortless turns of phrase will suddenly feel out of reach, and I often feel like the moment is damned near lost as I wrack my brain trying to recapture whatever it was.

So, in that sense, my brain is filled with these half-formed drafts of well-thought-out posts:

 

So I’ve been taking this biweekly class on divination and mediumship.

Recently, when I was looking over the weekly ‘homework,’ I notice that the instructor will often reference information from the ‘class page’ or the ‘website’ and I realized

much to my dismay!

that I don’t know what he means.

So I went looking on the Internet for the information, only I could not find anything resembling a ‘class page’ or a ‘class website’, except the initial class registration page, and his FB page (which seemed to be simply a mirror site of that registration page.)

So then I sent him an email, asking specifically what he was referring to when he mentioned ‘as you may have  seen on the website’ or ‘as was discussed on the class page…’

And, as he seems to live on the West Coast, I didn’t expect to hear from him a few hours.

Instead, I got to thinking about this anxiety that I’ve been having, not just regarding this class, but concerning my overall approach to my devotional practice lately. And, as I went about my morning tasks, I began to overthink, trying to pinpoint the root of my anxiety.

It occurred to me that I might have a fear of missing out.

Or perhaps my  anxiety is rooted in the fear that others have access to something that I don’t seem to have access to, as represented by this class page/website that the instructor seems to reference.

And as a result, I am left feeling stuck. Feeling that I must be doing something wrong…that there must be a disconnect somewhere.

And suddenly I was struck with a thought: what if the reason that I cannot find this page that the instructor references is simply because there isn’t one?

What if the root of my fear – and therefore my anxiety – is that I am chasing after the lack of access to something that I’ve only imagined?

What if, indeed?

~~~

Well I still haven’t heard from him.

Perhaps I have answered my own question.