bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Month: December, 2014

Solidifying a lesson.

Lately, I have been suffering from a lot of social anxiety.

As a result, I haven’t been feeling up to venturing very far from home, unless it is an absolute must.

Today, I resolved to go beyond my routine of just walking my dog, and actually go out in public and allow myself to be around other people for a change.

It all began with my having promised a friend that I would participate in a Christmas gift drive that she began coordinating last week, so I went out to purchase the gifts that she’d requested.

I’d also promised my kid that we’d visit our favorite bookstore while we were out this afternoon, and so, off we went.

~~~

We looked through several stores, but we saved the bookstore visit for last.

So there we were in the bookstore, and we were perusing the gift book tables.

While zie kept busy looking at comic books (hir favorite), a book caught my eye.

In this book, a Maya Angelou quote seemed to jump out at me:

mayaangelouchangeattitude

Then, a peculiar thing happened.

Even though I’d heard/read that quote before – and even though the part about changing one’s attitude should have struck me as personally relevant – I smirked and muttered aloud,

“Well we all know that I have problems with change, so…”

But before I could even finish that sentence, I turned

              And I immediately stubbed my toe hard against the table.

Then, upon backing away from the table,

I stumbled over the corner of another book display

                                      that jutted out at an odd angle into the middle of the aisle.

O.0

~~~

OK.

Point taken, Sir.

Lesson learned.

 

Advertisements

Emotional convolution.

This week has been difficult, and full of complex emotions, especially regarding my closest relationships.

Upon leaving the house this morning, this song was the first to come up:

…which struck me as a clue-by-four concerning one of my particularly thorny yet relevant relationship issues.

After some deep breaths, I realized that I might as well let the song play through.  It’s not like my issues have ever gone away simply because I’ve chosen to ignore them.

(I can only do that for so long, no thanks to pandoramancy.)

But there is something to be said for Meg Myers’ raw howl in the final chorus, as if she has become aware of the same unavoidable truth as I have.

But I embrace it.

 

He is in my heart…

and my head…

even though that truth rattles me to the core today.