‘Worry is simply a misuse of imagination.’
My son and my daughter-in-law sent me what may have been the most appropriate gift:
Two worry stones!
One for each hand.
Because I overthink (read: worry) that much.
So I’m a double-fisted overthinker now…going forward with the misuse of my own imagination.
~~ The Journey~~
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.~
~Mary Oliver
“I think everyone feels like they personally own, somehow, all the many possibilities inherent in their lives. But I think that only lonely people, or frightened people, really celebrate that fact or enshrine it as the most important fact of all.
I co-own all that I have experienced thus far, and I’ll co-own everything that happens from this point, with someone or many someones.”
I’ve heard it said that everything in life happens in cycles. Sometimes I am comforted by that truth, and other times, I am horrified and despairing of it.
While I don’t know if I would define what’s happening to me as the result of some sort of cycle, I do know that I have been thinking a lot about the facts of my spiritual experiences, and how much they have affected my life and my identity.
And the simplest way I can identify this cycle is to accept that
I learn.
I forget.
About two weeks ago, I celebrated a personal and spiritual milestone.
It has been one year since I welcomed Odin into my life.
I say ‘welcomed’ because…well, if you know me, you’d remember that I’d been fighting against working with Him for years.
At any rate, in celebration of that, I’d like to share a story with you – involving Odin, a prayer card, and my poor excuse for neglecting to leave Etsy feedback:
10 January 2018
Today, something occurred to me regarding my attitude towards working with Odin.
Even though it’s been a year – today! – since I welcomed Odin back into my life (it’s a long story!) I realized that I’m not going to get very far if I don’t entirely let go of that default setting/thought under which I’d operated for the four years prior to 10 January 2017…and that concerns what was once my belief that
Odin is an [redacted but rather common obscenity]
It’s getting in my way; it’s getting in the way of my progress.
~~~
But I suppose progress is being made, because there’s this Odin prayer card that’s been sitting on my altar since this past July.
It’s a nice picture of Odin, isn’t it?
The artwork is by W. McMillan.
But what I’m going to write about now about concerns the prayer to Odin (written by Galina Krasskova) on the other side of this prayer card….and how powerful it has become for me to say it aloud.
I want to admit to you all that when I first purchased this prayer card, I bought it for the artwork; I hadn’t considered the prayer on the back of it at all.
Funny how that is, because it’s a pretty powerful one….but I quickly realized that I didn’t feel comfortable saying it aloud.
Words are important.
And the words of a prayer, the words of an oath are even more so.
I didn’t think that I could bring myself to make that kind of oath – to Odin.
So I would simply read the words – in pieces, and never all at once! – and I would silently marvel over how beautiful they were, and how evocative of Him.
But I could not – I would not – read them aloud.
It sounds foolish, I know.
Observe:
Prayer to Odin
Galina Krasskova
All-Father, I ask Your blessings.
Breathe into me,
Oh God of gainful counsel.
Nourish me, Wish-Giver
that I might know You more fully and well.
I hail You, God of wisdom, cunning and inspiration.
I hail You, ruthless in Your desires.
I hail You, God of single-minded hunger.
Be welcome in my life, my heart, my home.
Master of the Tree, I sacrifice to You:
my fears, my doubts, my hesitations.
Open me up to the knowledge of things holy
Wisest Lord, open me up to You.
I will seek You with the fervor
with which You sought the runes.
Always will I honor You.
Be my mead, be my joy,
be the prize at the end of my seeking.
Hail, Odin, Hail, All-father
Hail, Lord of Hosts.
~~~
Reading these words, I felt afraid because the words struck me as an oath that was beyond what I was comfortable giving to Odin.
But as I’ve often said – and I still believe it is true – that whatever Odin wants, He wants all of it. He wants all that can be given. There is nothing half-assed about Odin – nothing. And that was the essence of my awe – and my fear – of Him: I am still both terrified and awed by His single-minded determination…but by the same token, He demands that His devotees be as single-minded as He is – about their desires, their goals, everything that they are. He wants His devotees to know themselves, to push themselves and to sacrifice themselves to … themselves, and to their purpose and to their goals, whatever it may be.
He is similar to a relentless general that way:
Honor Me by being the best that you can be in My name, for Me.
One of the most profound things I’ve ever heard said about Odin is that He will never ask you to do something He hasn’t done, or rather, something He would be unwilling to do.
Think about it: Odin hung Himself for nine days and nine nights.
Perhaps it was to discover what death was, or to find out where Death takes oneself – He was willing to metaphorically
if not literally
die .
He didn’t even spare Himself in His quest for knowledge, for that paradox of experience, for Divinity itself.
Perhaps He had to know, He had to experience that situation first-hand – you gotta admit that’s pretty f-ing crazy and yet unerringly logical – if one wants to know every nook and cranny of an experience, they are going to have to go through the experience themselves.
There is no avoiding it.
For me, that is the essence of His fury.
Odin is relentless, insatiable, mysterious, and multi-faceted.
There is only one other God that I know of Who is as insatiable, as relentless and as multi-faceted as Odin
and that is Loki.
So it is no mystery to me as to why They’d be drawn to each other
Nor is it a surprise to me that They would have such a powerful and profound connection between Them.
~~~
But nonetheless, I am ready.
(or something like that)
I was reading an article the other day because I was feeling like sh*t and this article caught my eye as I was scrolling through my media feed.
This article was broken into four parts, each headlined by an action, and each part discussed scientific reasons why that action would help bring one out of a temporary ‘funk.’
(I say ‘temporary funk’ as this post is not meant to address the situation of those who suffer from clinical depression or other mental illnesses…just as I believe that the article was not meant as a replacement for seeking medical help, psychological therapy, or taking prescribed medications either.)
These are the 4 strategies as I listed them in my notebook, and the descriptions are my take on the information as it was presented in the article:
1.) Ask yourself: What am I grateful for?
2.) Label negative feelings.
3.) Make a decision
4.) Touch people
~~~
I would link to the article – if I could find it – so I will keep looking for it, and update with it if I can…
Found it: http://theweek.com/articles/601157/neuroscience-reveals-4-rituals-that-make-happy
I don’t know if I’d ever gotten around to mentioning this, but I am working on another project which has become rather intense lately.
After several incredibly productive weeks, it felt as if certain aspects of the project were just not flowing anymore, and I couldn’t figure out why.
So I pulled a few runes to see if I could tease out what was the source of the blockage:
And this is what came up.
Situation: Laguz – a rune that represents the essence of flow, the essence of depth, complexity.
Overall Aspect: Wunjo – a rune that represents joy. A rune of success and happiness. Situation has the potential to go well. Paired with Laguz, this felt like an excellent sign.
So what happened?
Result: Berkano, reversed- Like a sneaky ton of bricks, I immediately grasped the message here: Your attitude is affecting the potential here; your overall attitude is affecting the growth and the flow. I see Berkano as a rune of fertility here; and its reversal marks it as the blockage: a fertility that may be misdirected…a profound indicator about how my own attitude – perhaps I am ‘fertilizing’ or feeding my worries and stresses about the project rather than pushing past them or through them – and *that* is the problem.
Huh.
I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such a clear message through my runes before….
But that’s it in a nutshell, as it relates to the project, it would seem that the runes are telling me to get the eff out of my own way.
Again, point taken, Sir. 😯
One of the first ways that Loki came to me was through colors.
I find crafting jewelry to be relaxing, so began making ankle bracelets for myself, and dedicating both the act of making the item and then, item itself to Him. As I may have mentioned before, creating things – whether it’s crafting, cooking or making artwork – seems to help me connect with myself and with Him.
Here are the colors and common associations that I use in my crafts for Loki:
Red: Passion, heat, blood – a color that evokes life force, vitality, sexuality
Orange: Flame, joy, fire – a color associated with Loki as a fire God, and God of the hearth. Warmth.
Yellow: specifically joy and happiness.
Green/Brown: Creativity, growth, change. Laufey (Loki’s mother) is associated with trees, so I feel Loki has a special affinity for trees and plants as well. A peaceful, lush shades of green and browns that signify growth and earth vitality. I feel Jormungandr can be associated with a paler green, signifying a connection to water/oceans, as well.
Blue: Sky (air) and ocean (water); another color (as with green) that can evoke peaceful associations as well as chaotic, energetic ones – a clear blue sky and a calm sea can also turn to storm-filled sky lit with flashes of blue-white lightning and dark-blue churning waves.
Purple: Self, knowledge. The color of the crown chakra. The color of sovereignty, divine connection and magic.
Gold: Treasures. Gold for Gullveig. Mead. As it is with purple, gold is associated with sovereignty, wealth, power, perhaps even decadence. Gold can signify Loki as sovereign, or as consort, fool, or foil towards what is considered kingly, lawful, or valuable. Loki as a Gift-Bringer provides the Gods (Sif, Thor, Freyr) with items of value.
White: Bone. Purity of ash when paired with black – Loki as Sacrificial God of funeral pyre
Black: Secret or hidden knowledge, magic, death, sacrifice. Darkness of the cave, of the mind, of the shadows within. Loki as the psychopomp, the death of self, and self-delusion.
Pink: The flush of skin, the ‘comely hue.’ Another joyful, vital color, that may also evoke His playfulness, eroticism, flirtation or pleasure.
Silver: Silvertongue. Another color evokes ‘value’ – wealth, treasure.
Gemstones:
Carnelian: vitality, sexuality, warmth. Stone for the red/orange chakra
Snowflake obsidian: Grounding, chthonic. Coloring is evocative of ashes.
Iron Pyrite/Fool’s gold
Fire Agate
Red Jasper
Labradorite: Not the flame but the lightning, energy of electricity – I associate this stone not only with Loki but with His father, Farbauti, as well.
Jet: Grounding, along with other lava stones – reminiscent of a fire deity.
Green kyanite: Calming, stabilizing force. I associate this stone with His mother, Laufey.
~~~
Colors I associate with members of His family:
Angrboda: Blood red, rust red, black, forest green.
Fenrir: Blood red, black
Hela: White, black, bone. As well, a pale sort of pink.
Jormungandr: colors of water: aquatic blues and pale sea greens
Sigyn: Medium to pale blue, lavender, mauve, pink, yellow. Also browns, heathered grey.
Narvi: Tans and browns, earthy tones of green, and gold.
Vali: Black, red, speckled greys.
Sleipnir: Dark to medium blues, black, silver, grey.
Farbauti: white, electric blue, medium purple
Laufey: earth tones – greens, browns, gold.
I found this article by Erin Pavlina this afternoon, and I thought that I would share.
It explains rather succinctly a connection that I’ve been struggling with understanding concerning karma and the Universe.
Mostly, this article inadvertently answers why it is probable that we as spiritual human beings keep running into the same situations in life over and over, and what that has to do with karma.
The part that hit me the most profoundly was this:
“Karma is about being given the opportunity to change your vibration and attract something different. No one is going to inflict that upon you, but the universe will bring you ample opportunities to choose a different path.
So if you’re holding out hope that something bad will happen to another person, you’re better off releasing, forgiving, and moving on, otherwise you will attract new opportunities that involve you needing to forgive someone. Are you catching my drift here?
If you are constantly wishing negative things will happen to those who wrong you, the universe will constantly bring you people who wrong you so you can continue wishing negative things will happen to them. That’s your vibration. That’s your karma. That’s what the universe thinks you want since that’s what you’re always thinking about.
Karma is not punishment, it’s not revenge, it’s not justice. Karma is the universe giving you opportunities to alter your vibration. Do with that what you will.”
How this relates to my present situation is that I have wondered for quite a while now why I keep getting thrown into situations wherein I keep finding myself feeling echoes of the past – people I’ve hurt, people that have hurt me, and the corresponding situations that I would rather not think about.
Perhaps in focusing on the pain of what I’ve been through, I am constantly re-opening the wounds rather than doing anything to heal them.
Perhaps this is what brought Him to me: my latest spiritual work – in working with the God that I Had Promised Myself that I Would Never Work With – I have been forced to confront all the reasons why I had refused to work with Him for so long.
I began to see that the only way to move forward was to confront the lesson that kept being presented to me over and over in seeing His face, and the echoes of that premise: If you expect a monster, you will get a monster.
Yes, He is still capable of being a monster.
But the only way to move forward in my spiritual practice is to engage with Him.
And I am engaging with Him.
The only way out is to go through.
Neil Gaiman has done it again – with some lovely words to ponder on this first day of 2017:
I would like to take a moment to wish all of my readers a happy, healthy and prosperous 2017.
May we all find the bravery we need to step forward into the darkness – together.
May we all find the joy that we are seeking in this world – together.
❤
bloodteethandflame 