A thing about…Heather(s)
by beanalreasa
(From dream of 29 October:)
I was talking to Him about conduits, and He was encouraging.
Then, suddenly…I heard V talking loudly.
So loudly, it woke me up.
I rolled over to look at V, and he had his eyes open.
He seemed wide awake, and he seemed to be looking right at me.
Then, V said to me:
“Just be me. Come… just be me.”
And that made no sense to me.
Then, V shut his eyes, and rolled over.
And even stranger – about 20 minutes later – V awakened, got out of the bed, and stumbled towards the toilet.
Evidently V had no memory of what he’d said.
~~~
I don’t know why we talk about these things.
Yes, I’m not certain as to how I feel about what He says about conduits.**
But I don’t like the part – the insinuation that I’m not sure if it’s an insinuation at all – that I *must* consider these things, even if I don’t talk about it.
~~~
Years ago, I wrote that people named Heather are always conceited in some way.
Heathers have a desire to be important.
And I think about what He’d said during a recent meditation, concerning the reasons for performing seidhr.
And He had this to say about a Heather I used to know – that is, L.O.L*:
Heather wanted recognition from the community.
Meanwhile, I just wanted a community of people to with whom to connect.
~~~
But after dream-interactions like this, I ask myself:
Do I want something more?
Do I want more than to be seen?
I feel shame over wanting recognition at all.
I feel selfish.
I ask myself why.
I just want a quiet community where I don’t have to talk about things with others unless I want to.
But I do know something about myself and that is …
To check myself, I often feel the need to share my experiences:
Is this happening to you too?
What does it mean?
Does He want this from you too?
What does it mean?
~~~
*(Local Other Lokean, named Heather)
** Edited to add.
bloodteethandflame 
You need to set your blogs to private. Im getting sick of your bragging about your relationship with Loki like he doesnt give a shit about me. If he has truly favored you over me these past three years then he is a cold hearted asshole. Shame on both of you. Ive had it with this neglect and abuse. Shut me out I dont care. I had to say this because Ive been tortured by it far too long. My life is ruined and I see no relief unless he pulls his head out if his tunnel visioned ass and starts loving me like does you. If thats even the real Loki coming to you and not some incubus. I cant take any more.
Thank you for your comment.
But that being said, if reading my blog is hurting you, then I would suggest that you stop reading my blog.
Problem solved.
Thank you.
Was this directed at me for some reason? I wasn’t sure if my enjoyable experience with Loki was upsetting you. Heathers need to feel important? That is a pretty broad generalization and prejudice . It hurts my feelings. If I needed to feel important I would join some organization and pretended to go along with everything and be politically savvy . However I firmly believe that everyone is important and I try to encourage that everyone I know and meet. Everybody has amazing gifts that the world needs right now and we need to encourage each other , especially people who have really low self-esteem or had been treated poorly not fitting in. That’s a pretty strong insult to say to people just because of a name someone’s parents chose. Especially when your own blog focuses a lot on your importance – to you maybe. The main thing Freya has to teach me is I have value and to not hide my light under a bushel. I was taught that from a young age. The majority of humans seem to think that if someone is shining instead of being happy for that light or feeling their own inspiration shine , instead you should shame them. Try to make them feel as bad about themselves as you feel about yourself. It’s the crabs in the basket. When crabs are in a basket it’s a pretty easy way to fish. Any crab that tries to climb out the other crabs will pull back down. Also one of the northern and Celtic virtues is pride in what you’ve done and who you are. That goes against everything I was raised with and it’s been really hard to learn to not worry about if what I’m doing makes others feel less good about themselves in comparison . Because that’s their issue. If I’m doing things I believe in and doing a good job why shouldn’t I feel proud of myself? How does that hurt anyone else? But when I was 19 I realize jealousy was stupid – what it meant was someone was doing something I really wanted to be doing and so I was grateful for the people I was envious of because they were markers of who I wanted to be and what I needed to be working on to become more myself . We’re only jealous of people who have what we want. So those people I find are very valuable necessary guides . Could you please not make statements about people because of their names? It is really hurtful especially when everyone is fighting low self-esteem and shame and that manifests as bullying or being a victim or self abusive behavior or harming others , we really need to be lifting each other up not tear each other down. Thank you. That was really hurtful. It’s hard not to take personally when my name is Heather and you follow my blog. Would you say something like that about African-Americans? It’s a really broad generalization stereotype based in what? What giant survey have you done and what were your methods? It’s an opinion based on a few experiences? That’s the basis of prejudice. Please do not do that against people with my name.
Heather,
No,it was not directed at you at all. First of all, my name is Heathir too, and thus entry was directed at myself and my attempt (however badly conveyed) at sorting out the statement that occurred to me that ‘are all Heathers conceited?’ -including myself in that statement, as I am also named Heather. I consider it part of my self-work to check myself against my own conceits. I do not know what experiences you have had concerning your own self-work – or having the name ‘Heather’ but I have had a few major ones lately, and pleas understand it is never my intent to hurt others or shame others for having their own experiences.
As you can see the comment above, there is another person who feels ashamed because she is not having the same experiences as I have and so she seems to think that that means that the Gods do not love her – which is so far from the truth, I cannot fathom how to speak to that except to assure her (as I had done in the past) that it is not true, stop comparing yourself to others, we are all doing important work, etc.
Thus, you might not have been reading M long, but I agree with you 110% that we are all doing work that is valuable to Them, as well as your other point that we should strive to help rather than hurt others.
Please accept my apologies. I am truly sorry to have hurt your feelings, Heather. All I can say is I’m sorry. More to that point, i realize that I have work to do in conveying myself better in that regard, and that is why I thank you for your comment in calling me out on my lack of tact in conveying myself in describing that particular interaction/lesson.
Thank you for reading,
Heathir
Hi! Your name is Heather as well? Are you the one who wrote the book about being married to Loki? Because I really like that book. Now that I know that your name it makes so much more sense LOL! Whoops. Piece of missing information. It seemed like a really strange thing to have a fixation on . Do you find yourself self seeing the obvious connection with heath? My Irish grandmother sent me a magnet that said Heather meant “heathen cover of beauty.” That was over 20 years ago and it made me laugh because of the obvious religious reason but also it’s an interesting interpretation of the name. Meanwhile you actually go to Ireland or Scotland and nobody is named Heather. People thought it was really strange. I think it’s the American equivalent would be naming a child crabgrass.
The only thing I’ve ever read about the name Heather from one of those numerology name books was that we are so sensitive we can feel a feather blowing in the wind. Not exactly a power player name LOL! But if you do have high empathy or sensory processing disorder I found it fit for me. The problem is the world is full of bowling balls flying through the wind 🙂 but it was basically along those lines.
I don’t know any other people named Heather! I just know that when I would go out there would always be a Jennifer and Sarah with me no matter where I went in the United States. Or Canada. It was like the ” the favorite names of the 1970s” triad.
I don’t really understand the person’s response above you. I’m really sorry they don’t feel like they are loved and I’m totally curious as to why . Just as a spirit worker. They sound really unfortunately tormented and so of course that is a feather in the wind that is upsetting . I don’t really understand how your relationship would have anything to do with any one else’s with Loki. One of my best friends is married to Loki but she doesn’t write about it and I think I can see why. Sometimes when they cannot communicate correctly Freya made a deal with Loki for me to just do spirit work – he would just take over an email I was dictating so we worked out if he wanted to send an email, he totally could. Then he really liked the idea of having his own email address . I don’t know where it would actually go but he wanted to be like dear Abby or Santa Claus getting people’s requests . Honestly I have never encountered a God so concerned about humanity . He’s the most relatable up close and he’s really funny . I think if people understood how funny he is and how dramatic for the sake of being funny and all of his theatrical movements but also his incredible strength and devotion towards his family and those he loves, which unfortunately is not really me, I am a tool , but he appreciates that so that’s nice. I like that he is straightforward about that. But if people saw the incredible fierce love he has and also maybe if the Eddas were read out loud with the obviously comedic parts done as comedy – and I write a paper about how at least some of them obviously were to be acted out and be funny – Loki would be much better understood. He’s really nurturing.
But that’s my personal experiences with him and as a shape changer he can I’m sure be very different with others. But there are certain gestures that he does and I can ask my friend and she gets excited someone else knows about them. He’s also the only God I’ve ever “seen” who walks around the room looking at my stuff and if I’m writing about him or dictating about him he looks over my shoulder . And he’s a really loving father although I never have heard anyone mention that. But no one ever mentions Freya as a mother. I guess because sex and motherhood don’t go together? LOL! That’s actually funny enough to write about.
Is your real spelling with the IR ? I mean the one your parents gave you not that if you chose it it’s not real . But if you did at the IR I was wondering why just because I never meet anyone else named Heather.
It really makes much more sense knowing that your name is Heather LOL. I was like ” how can someone have such strong opinions about a name?”
Pagan “community” absolutely terrifies and annoys me because it’s so crazy and there’s so much gossip and rumors and projections and friends to stop being friends and it was easier before the Internet because you didn’t have everyone showing the real face of paganism which is neurotic hatred and you could read books and think about how great it would be to meet other people.
Very few people are actually writing about their experiences or about ceremonies they’ve done or about how to or sharing UPG – it’s a lot more fighting about people saying no matter what the topic “you are wrong” without knowing anybody or having any context . And I did that here. I should’ve asked you what the context was. I’m sorry. I’m not used to online paganisms to be very kind . I mean at least if you went to things in person nobody was attacking you to your face . So now that I am a little more known and cannot fly under the radar because being the editor of the book means contacting people who for various reasons without people they hate find that more important than doing something good in the world I am high strung more than usual about the state of paganisms. I mean, I actually have an email address on the Internet! The last thing I would ever want. Some guy I met 25 years ago will contact me and propose marriage if history is anything to go by . But also because paganisms seems to be if you look at it online just about hatred and only love extended to your personal groupthink us versus them bullshit which is insane because it’s people who don’t even know each other being really hostile and hurtful – so sorry for overreacting. Since it was such a strange thing to read it would have made more sense to ask you first. But when you keep contacting pagans about if they want to be published in a book for good cause and they want to know who else is involved because that obviously matters more than the book, for someone like me who hates pettiness it’s got me exhausted.
Which brings me to a question about you! You will repost things from any source if it is interesting to you. You don’t seem to belong to anything in particular. It’s really hard to categorize you. And I don’t even know if I would have picked up on Loki. You don’t have a “camp” deal? You are a free agent. If you like what you like and even though the different things that you like can come from people who hate each other you just focus on the actual writing. You don’t care about the personal bullshit of people you don’t know . That should not be shocking but it is. I’ve always been confused about ” where does this person stand in Heathenry ?” And it took a while to realize “where they are” 🙂
Anyway it’s nice to actually meet you. I’ve heard there’s a lot of jealousy around Loki people but I have personally seen it with emails from people who feel substandard to Galina and that makes no sense to me because if you read her books she makes it really clear that there’s no comparing yourself to anyone else. That’s how I can tell who read her books and who is just familiar with the blog.
I wouldn’t even imagine Freya having the same relationship with me that she has with anyone else because it’s so tailored to everything that is imbalanced with me and she’s pretty strict that it wouldn’t make sense for her to be that way with anyone else. I have no sense of her as a love goddess or a battle goddess or a Magic goddess or anything else aside from Freya who knows best and just stop fighting it. So people who might argue about who she is or who is her favorite don’t really seem to get the point. The gods give us what we need and a lot of the time it’s not what we want . And a lot of people who feel insecure just need to understand that the relationship is not really on our terms and there comes a point where you just have to trust . And if you can’t trust your gods and then you need to find other ones. I love Freya and she takes amazingly good care of me but there is a high price for that – having to unravel every trauma , destroy every part of my life that was not suited for me , remove everything literally , completely turned everything upside down, make me face my worst fears about being abandoned and left to die by having happened, however the Lyme disease was just the wyrd of where I live. Being able to straighten out what was lovingly destroyed for my liberation which is terrifying and what weaknesses I hid behind having her remove and basically making me the most pure form of who I can be – and that involves being tied to her and it can be a blessing – it is in the big picture – and other times it can be a power struggle with me wanting to do stupid things 🙂
And I do think that there is some sort of drive I’ve always had for self growth and Freya has had to bring that in saying ” you already know all of that about yourself, let’s look over here ” somewhere I never would’ve thought of looking. So she speads everything up even more than usual in my life. Now when I try to do devotions she just tells me what to put in the book. 🙂