Kiss.
I have no use for divine patience –
My lips are now burning and everywhere.
I am running from every corner of this earth and sky
Wanting to kiss you.
― حافظ
(Hafiz)
❤
~~~
bloodteethandflame
A life in threes
February 20, 2016
February 16, 2016
Anniversary
I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at
with a mouthful of forevers. We
have both known loss like the sharp edge
of a knife. We have both lived with lips
more scar tissue than skin. Our love came
unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we’d given up
on asking love to come. I think
that has to be part
of its miracle.
This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
on your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.
And I will not be afraid
of your scars.
I know sometimes
it’s still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it’s the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane. ॐ
– Clementine von Radics
~~~
Happy Anniversary to
my sweetest friend
and
my most Beloved
Loki
❤
February 13, 2016
One Word.
I know that this may come a little late, as it is nearly mid-February, but this is my second year of doing My One Word.
While last year’s word was definitely Allow, my realization of this year’s word proved to be more subtle… but no less profound than Allow had been.
Though, unlike Allow, I didn’t grasp my One Word as quickly this year.
Actually, this year’s word is actually a compound word:
Self-Love
I have come to realize that I have been avoiding working on the concepts associated with Self-Love for a rather long time.
Though, in late January, it became quite clear to me that as much as I thought that I’d done pretty well learning how to Allow myself to feel and to act (rather than react) and to build upon other shadow work I’d done over the last year, there was definitely an aspect of that Allow shadow-work that I’d been avoiding.
And I got the impression from Them that I could not afford to ignore that aspect anymore.
Thus, I discovered that Self-Love was the missing piece.
~~~
Or, as They have often impressed upon me:
No one is going to love you exactly the way that you need to be loved, so you may as well learn to love yourself.
~~~
Tom Hiddleston reads Derek Walcott’s lovely poem, Love after Love:
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
~~~
February 3, 2016
Somewhere.
Though there are other versions of this song – namely that the song was originally written by Keane – this version by Lily Allen is my favorite version because of the sweet animation that is this video.
~~~
I can be in the shittiest, saddest mood
– as I have been lately –
but I find it comforting, if not downright soothing to watch this amazing ‘animation process’ video.
Perhaps it is the combination of that lovely process animation along with Lily’s lilting voice.
The words, the melody, the forest/nature imagery – both within the lyrics and through the animation – resonate deeply with something in my soul:
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?
Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go?
So why don’t we go?
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?
~~~
I don’t know, but every time I need a little lift to my spirits, I listen/watch this video.
It makes me think of Freyr.
January 25, 2016
Here.
Here’s another subtle nudge from the Universe that came across my Facebook feed yesterday:
Sometimes the words that I need to hear (to read!) find their way to me
and for that
I am grateful.
~~~
I especially love those final six words:
And nothing will
ever exhaust me.
Hail to my Beloved!
❤
January 18, 2016
In whatever manner they approach Me…
So I realize that I have not written in a while.
I feel badly about this, despite the reality that I am beholden to no one, and yet, I have been meaning to write something. There is a folder on my laptop that is contains at least a dozen half-finished posts- and several completed ones- and yet I still haven’t posted anything in a while.
- I actually finished that post on polyamory.
- And there’s a post that I’ve been verbally wrangling with for months concerning cultural beliefs on head-shaving, shame, and adultery, that has had all its references, checked and double-checked…and yet I don’t feel comfortable posting that one, either, because it contains elements that corroborate several personal UPG experiences. I feel both vindicated and terrified by the concepts that have arisen from that.
- And devotional tattoos! A lovely 2,258 words on devotional tattoos that was railroaded into a major overhaul re-write by the latest research (as in anthropological research presented as recently as October 2015) on the historical accuracy of the use of woad.
- And then there’s Odin. Ah, Odin – the Blood Brother of my Beloved – and the wordless story that comes to me through a stream of beautifully rendered charcoal pencil sketches that I haven’t even drawn yet* – that involve the World Tree, no ordinary man, and a very curious creature who stumbled into apothesis.
*sigh*
~~~
But what I do end up wanting write about is this rather simple concept that my friend Stormwise mentioned to me over six months ago, regarding how the Gods can act as mirrors, and this premise is found in the Bhagavadgita, of all places, Chapter 4, verse 11:
In whatever way people surrender unto me, I reciprocate with them accordingly. Everyone follows my path, knowingly or unknowingly, O son of Pritha.
Another translation:
With whatever motive people worship Me, I fulfill their desires accordingly. People worship Me with different motives. (4.11)
And this little bit of Chapter 4 stands out to me in that this is the very thing that I am trying to accept.
That the Gods will come to you in the manner that you have come to Them. If you approach Them full of fear, then They shall come to you in a manner that inspires fear. Many years ago, I struggled to repress the fear and uncertainty that I felt towards the facets of Them that I felt that I was experiencing.
And Their response -which was often visual at that time – was rather cryptic:
If you are looking for monsters, you will certainly find Us.
It seems such a basic aspect of manifestation that I found myself feeling rather foolish, especially in regards to Odin.
Of course, He was a monster, because I was expecting a monster. If I learned anything, it was that it scarcely concerned Him if I was afraid of Him or disliked Him. He had some business to do, and I had some things to learn.
Well, I learned.
~~~~
* Yes. I can’t get these images out of my head. I feel compelled to draw them out…and yet, my artistic skills aren’t as well-developed as I would hope. At first, I thought the story was a rather simple rendition of the lore…until the storyline took on an unexpected turn that featured some rather adult-themes during several meditations later. 
January 10, 2016
Context is everything.
This quote has been sitting in a folder on my computer for at least three or four years now.
I never knew where it was from, except that it was from a poem by American poet, Louise Glück:
“…from the beginning of time,
in childhood, I thought
that pain meant I was not loved.
It meant I loved.”
~~~~
Today, I found the whole poem.
The poem is titled
First Memory
Long ago, I was wounded. I lived
to revenge myself
against my father, not
for what he was–
for what I was: from the beginning of time,
in childhood, I thought
that pain meant
I was not loved.
It meant I loved.
~~~
Context is everything.
January 3, 2016
Sometimes I just need poetry.
As I have had company these last four days, I have not been able to post this lovely poem from The Daily Good, as sometimes I just need poetry.
(If you click in the link below, you can listen to the poet, John O’Donohue, read this poem aloud, along with some rather lovely imagery.)
Beannacht: A Blessing for the New Year
–by John O’Donohue, Jan 01, 2016
For Josie
On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.
And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The grey window
And the ghost of loss
Gets in to you,
May a flock of colours,
Indigo, red, green,
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.
When the canvas frays
In the currach of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.
[Note: “Beannacht” is the Gaelic word for “blessing.” A “currach” is a large boat used on the west coast of Ireland.]
December 31, 2015
A surprisingly recurrent theme.
I’m happy to report that, unlike past years, my Christmas/Yule holidays were surprisingly pleasant.
Usually the Yuletide season is both physically and emotionally difficult for me, as I have been usually prone to depression and physical illness in the final months of the year.
But not this year.
For that I am grateful and I’m trying not to overthink it.
~~~~
Another aspect of this Yuletide concerned abundance of gifts that involved a particular image.
And that was Yggdrasil…the Tree of Life.
It began my purchase of prayer beads from Beth Wodandis Designs:
I’d had my eye on these prayer beads ever since they were posted. Perhaps it was the color scheme (I love the earth toned palette and the feel of the madre de cacao wood beads*) but I vacillated on which I preferred — the silver or the goldtone tree pendant?
As much as I’ve always felt drawn to trees – and the concept of the World Tree especially – my brain has always wrangled with the concept of working with Odin/Woden.
Perhaps it is because I am a Lokean at heart, but I cannot deny that I’ve definitely felt drawn to the Tree. I will not deny the connections that I feel with trees symbolically and spiritually.
So, these beads arrived on December 21st.
And surprisingly, the Universe seemed to answer to my tree connections – in spades – because I then received two other gifts that specifically featured trees – if not the Tree – outright:
A large gift basket from my oldest son – a ‘gourmet picnic basket,’ no less – that featured this frame among its various contents:
Even my son pointed out that the inclusion of this little frame seemed random, as every other item in this gourmet picnic basket** was food/beverage related.
This basket contained a pair of wine glasses, a standard-sized bottle of red wine, a small assortment of gourmet cheeses, a cheese knife, a cutting board, two plates, a box of fancy English biscuits, a package of assorted organic wheat crackers, a pound of fine dark chocolate…and what we all thought was simply an elegantly folded pair of linen napkins, tied with a ribbon.
The frame was folded within the napkins.
The basket was store-bought and obviously pre-made.
It was definitely an unexpected, if somewhat odd surprise.
~~~
Then, a relatively new acquaintance — who knows very little of my spirituality, let alone my personal preferences — gifted me with this delicate ankle bracelet
…featuring (yet another) Tree of Life.
Hmmm.
~~~
*My Loki prayer beads feature palm wood beads.
**And speaking of picnic baskets, watching the BBC’s Doctor Who Christmas episode, there was a delightful reference to
I kid you not
A picnic in Asgard.
bloodteethandflame 