bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Category: I’ve got to admit it’s getting better

Month for Loki, Day 1: Task.

I can’t believe that the month of July has arrived already!

And as you may know, many Lokeans around the country celebrate the month of July by writing;  that’s 30 days of devotional posts for Loki.

And this blog here will be no exception.

~~~

2016 has been quite a year thusfar, and in this month alone, I’ve experienced a lot of upheaval and change in my devotional practices.

For one thing, towards the end of 2015,  I found myself being damn near forced to abandon most if not all  of the connections that I’d previously made within the Lokean community over the past several years.

As well, I was encouraged to develop a renewed focus upon several of my most personal relationships, and to be honest, I was even more stubborn about that.  As a matter of fact, I will freely admit that I abhor change.  As one might imagine, this meant that I fought many of those changes damned near every fucking step of the way.

You see, I was given several tasks in the first few months of 2016, and I will admit that I would just not be myself if I didn’t somehow try to weasel my way out of doing some major work towards that end.

But if Loki is anything, He is a patient God, and His tactics are often relentless, to put it mildly.

You might imagine that the last few months have not been easy.

The first task that I was given was to be self-aware and honest with myself about all the ways in which I have avoided confronting …myself.

The second task was to stop engaging in all of my various avoidance maneuvers, including but not limited to vaguebooking, privatizing entries, and downright avoiding certain relevant topics, simply for the sake of someone else’s comfort, let alone my own.

And the third task was to pull all those half-written and mostly hidden entries from my files, and either complete them/post them…. or throw them away.

So it’s a mental and perhaps spiritual decluttering, if you will.

And I am working on it.*

~~~~

So.  Where do I begin?

First up, I screwed up my resolve and over the course of several months, I have been forcing myself to discuss the finer points of my devotional practice with my husband, V.

So far, things have been going well enough.

V has been nothing if not open-minded, and I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that it is not as I had feared it would be at all.

In fact, many things have gone so entirely well that I am left wondering if perhaps I am the close-minded one in our relationship.

Fancy that.

I don’t know what I am – or have ever been – so afraid of.

~~~

*The network of tasks that I have been given shall, henceforth, be referred to as ‘keeping it 100:’

It’s not just one thing, Heathir.

 It is the whole of Heathir.  

You are to be known.  Make yourself (known)

Open.  Be open.

You give (the permission to others.)  Give permission (to yourself.)

 

 

 

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dontrunaway

I believe.

believe in a everydaysort of magic

I Am.

Thanks to  Karlesha Silverros for introducing me to this rather Lokean song ❤

 

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Instead.

I saw this post in my media feed this morning and it got me thinking that I have this issue:

How often I almost reflexively blurt out ‘I’m sorry’ when I mean to say ‘Thank you.’

I hadn’t really thought out the issue, except that I have been made aware of my habit of apologizing for everything – even for qualities, occurrences, and behavior that require no apology.

A friend of mine -who oddly enough, has a degree in psychology even though she now works as an insurance adjuster for a corporate law firm – was the most recent person in my life to make me aware of my ‘sorry habit.’   She was always pointing out how much it concerned her that I would say ‘I’m sorry’ for the most mundane reasons, and she would often challenge me to attempt to go a whole day without saying ‘I’m sorry.’

And as much as I tried, I couldn’t do it.

She encouraged me to be mindful of my responses to various situations, and even though she tried hard to convey all the reasons why I should do it, she never put it quite as powerfully or as succinctly as this simple set of comic strips does:

If you want to say ‘Thank you’, don’t say ‘I’m Sorry’   (From the folks at Mental Floss)

This is just what I needed, and I found this article quite helpful.

Thank you for reading!

 

One Word.

I know that this may come a little late, as it is nearly mid-February, but this is my second year of doing My One Word.

While last year’s word was definitely Allow, my realization of this year’s word proved to be more subtle… but no less profound than Allow had been.

Though, unlike Allow, I didn’t grasp my One Word as quickly this year.

Actually, this year’s word is actually a compound word:

Self-Love

I have come to realize that I have been avoiding working on the concepts associated with Self-Love for a rather long time.

Though, in late January, it became quite clear to me that as much as I thought that I’d done pretty well learning how to Allow myself to feel and to act (rather than react) and to build upon other shadow work I’d done over the last year, there was definitely an aspect of that Allow shadow-work that I’d been avoiding.

And I got the impression from Them that I could not afford to ignore that aspect anymore.

Thus, I discovered that Self-Love was the missing piece.

buddha_love_5240

 

~~~

Or, as They have often impressed upon me:

No one is going to love you exactly the way that you need to be loved, so you may as well learn to love yourself.

 

~~~

Tom Hiddleston reads Derek Walcott’s lovely poem, Love after Love:

 

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

~~~

 

Somewhere.

Though there are other versions of this song – namely that the song was originally written by Keane –  this version by Lily Allen is my favorite version because of the sweet animation that is this video.

~~~

I can be in the shittiest, saddest mood

  – as I have been lately –

     but I find it comforting, if not downright soothing to watch this amazing ‘animation process’ video.

Perhaps it is the combination of that lovely process animation along with Lily’s lilting voice.

The words, the melody, the forest/nature imagery – both within the lyrics and through the animation – resonate deeply with something in my soul:

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go?
So why don’t we go?

This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?

~~~

I don’t know, but every time I need a little lift to my spirits, I listen/watch this video.

It makes me think of Freyr.

Sometimes I just need poetry.

As I have had company these last four days, I have not been able to post this lovely poem from The Daily Good, as sometimes I just need poetry.

(If you click in the link below, you can listen to the poet, John O’Donohue, read this poem aloud, along with some rather lovely imagery.)

Beannacht: A Blessing for the New Year

–by John O’Donohue, Jan 01, 2016

For Josie

On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.

And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The grey window
And the ghost of loss
Gets in to you,
May a flock of colours,
Indigo, red, green,
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
In the currach of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.

[Note: “Beannacht” is the Gaelic word for “blessing.” A “currach” is a large boat used on the west coast of Ireland.]