bloodteethandflame

So.

Y’know how I was saying that I’ve been having not just one of those days but one of those lives?

It’s not at all a bad thing, and there’s a lot of personal shit that I’ve been (kinda sorta maybe) forcing myself to slog through.   Going to a therapist lately has also dredged up some issues, so I’ve been feeling pretty raw, as well.

Sometimes I’m not fit for human interaction, but I’m working on it.

So I keep hearing this song on iHeart radio.

It’s Pandoramancy at its finest.

It’s a big hit everywhere, I suppose, but I take it that  DC101 has really been playing the hell out of it, so, as you might guess, V has been hearing this song a lot, too.

So I shouldn’t have been surprised (or even incredulous, like I was,) when he said to me the other day how awful it must feel to always be afraid, and bizarrely enough, he referred me to this song.

As if I had never heard of it.

Funny that.

He queued it up for me to listen to, watching my reaction as it began to play.

I took a few deep breaths.  I think that he may have been trying to relate to me, or trying to convince me that he understood my feelings.

I don’t know.

Old habits die hard.

It was difficult for me not to be tempted to give into the rage that I was feeling at that very moment.

“It must be awful.  Living like that.  Always being afraid,” he said to me.

(My. God.  Really?)

But!   Then the chorus filled in, for me:

You’re too mean, I don’t like you, fuck you anyway
You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs
It hurts but I won’t fight you
You suck anyway
You make me wanna die, right when I

Ah, you suck anyway, indeed.

But I didn’t say it.

I didn’t have to.

It was a sort of odd moment, though.

We stood looking at each other, and I thought to myself, I don’t have to say anything.

But inwardly, I smiled a little.

Keep on dreaming, don’t stop breathing, fight those demons…

You know.  That, too.