A life in threes

Tag: apt metaphors

Month for Loki, Day 21: Concerning the heart


“The heart is a muscle – therefore it is the most difficult to burn.”


Month for Loki, Twenty-Seventh: Tipping His hand.

I’d been meaning to write about this earlier in the week, but somehow I’d never gotten around to it.

First, some background:

During my daily walks, I’ve come across some pretty strange items over the years.

I’m sure that there’s a word for it – divination through found objects – but nothing seems to capture exactly what happens.  Apantomancy comes close (as apantomancy is a form of divination through chance encounters, usually involving, though not limited to, encounters with animals) or even oryctomancy (which is divination using excavated objects), but nonetheless, I’ve found some unusual items during my daily walks.

Something I find a lot of is… playing cards.

Now I cannot express to you how often I have come across a single playing card in a random place:

  • In the middle of the woods, half-buried by leaves.
  • Floating in a drainage ditch that runs along the side of the busy road.
  • Skittering along in a light breeze across the gravel path of a New England cemetery, while my husband and I searched for the grave marker of my husband’s best childhood friend who died in 1987.
  • Folded in half and wedged between two crumbling bricks in a brick wall in the alley way behind a busy suburban restaurant – and the only reason I noticed it is because I had stepped out to get some quiet and privacy in order to make an important phone call – as I happened to be staring at that particular wall while I was waiting for the other person to pick up.
  • In the trunk of a newly delivered vehicle in a car-sales lot in Orlando – but the car only had 6 miles on it and the salesman insisted that no one had ever driven it before, as it had been delivered on a flat truck that morning from the manufacturer’s warehouse.

As well, I have had several vivid dreams over the last four years wherein Loki has shown me playing cards or made a direct reference to playing cards.

I didn’t know what to think, but it had gotten to be such a thing that I started to wonder if I should be considering these occurrences as some sort of message.

Could playing cards be used for divination?

The hell if I knew.


Such as eight months ago, I found this card:

Now while I was aware of cartomancy as a form of divination, I’d assumed that the ‘divination by cards’ definition referred exclusively to tarot cards.

Again, I wondered if there was some connection between tarot cards and playing cards, but I hadn’t thought to explore it further until that day.

I was surprised to find that playing cards and tarot decks are more closely related than I’d assumed, as according to this website, playing cards may have originally been invented as a means of divination long before people used them to play games of poker or bridge.

(The chicken or the egg…does it matter?  I didn’t know either way.)

So, I bit… what is the meaning behind the 9 of clubs?

Various websites define the clubs suit as a suit that governs finances, achievements and ideas. And 9 is the number of completion, fulfillment, unity and insight.  Most interpretations of this card focus on the concept of ‘small’ or ‘short’ as well as contentment and finality without fanfare.  9 of clubs signifies to keep your eye out for small successes, a new idea that can lead to a slight increase, or a step towards positive change.  Perhaps there will be a slight increase in pay, some progress towards a goal, the completion of a short-term plan, or the subtle end of a process.  Several describe the 9 of clubs as indicating a new friendship or taking up with a new lover.  And nearly every one of them mentions something odd:

Don’t be stubborn

And considering that, I have to laugh.

Stubborn is definitely something I can be.

And that definitely sounds like something He would say in response.


Moving onward, I found myself coming across a few more playing cards in random places while walking and cleaning house, and a few more meditation visuals and dream-sequences of Loki that featured what appeared to be references to poker, gambling and…lottery tickets.

Two weeks ago, a particular meditation visual was so strong that I suggested my husband buy a lottery ticket.

And he did.  Sort of.

He bought scratch tickets…and the theme was something along the lines of ‘Set For Life’ — referencing the game of poker, with the usual logo of lucky playing cards.

(P.S – we did not win.)


So, this past Saturday, I went to a local mystical shop.

I was looking for a particular tarot deck that I’ve been wanting for a while, but they did not have it in stock.

While I was browsing their selection of tarot decks, I noticed these ‘Lenormand’ card decks and card kits were mixed in with displays.

Although I’d heard of Lenormand, I didn’t know exactly how a Lenormand deck differed from any other tarot deck.

But according to the blurb-descriptions on several of their featured decks…

Lenormand follows the heritage of fortune telling cards based on playing card decks.

So I bought a deck designed by Ryan Edwards, called Maybe Lenormand.

The two decks – one base deck of 36 cards and 16 additional – feature these lovely Victorian-inspired line illustrations that I absolutely adore.

You know, having some delightful artwork to focus on certainly helps as I learn this new divination skill.

And so, I am exploring a new divination skill –  and perhaps that was what He was nudging me toward all along.

And here I thought He was encouraging me to play poker or gamble more.






Month for Loki, Fourteenth: Knot.

In the summer of 2012, I had one of the first of a series of strange vivid dreams  that involved Loki:

In this particular dream, I found myself searching through  a building of many rooms, and while I didn’t know what or who I was looking for, I knew I was looking for something…or someone.

Most of the rooms were spacious but empty – white walls, sparsely furnished, lit by buzzing fluorescent ceiling panels.  Like an abandoned office building, which I sensed may or may not be underground.

And then I was surprised to come upon what appeared to be a middle-aged man with dark auburn hair in one of the rooms.  As I’d mentioned, though most of the rooms were nothing more that white empty walls, the room this man was in was full of  brightly colored yarn.   Skeins of various colors and in various states of unravel lay scattered all over the floor.  While a few seemed no more than tangled handfuls of yarn, others were neatly wound and stacked in piles of three or four bundles, sorted by color.

Meanwhile the biggest jumble of knots lay closest to the man’s right foot.  I could also see that he was barefoot…. and he wasn’t exactly sitting in the chair.

This man was sprawled in an elaborately carved wooden chair large enough to easily be mistaken for some sort of throne.  I say sprawled because though I came upon him sitting upon this odd throne from behind and at somewhat of an angle, I immediately realized that this man was quite gangly; one of his legs casually dangled over one of the arm rests, and I couldn’t help but wonder how he’d  miraculously found a way to fold the length of the rest of his body comfortably within the confines of the seat.  

I don’t think he noticed me at first, as his head was bent in concentration upon his hands and the tangled mess of colored yarn in his lap.

However, when he did finally look up at me

He grinned….and casually asked me

if I knew

who he was.


And Loki appeared to be knitting.  

But not with needles, mind you; He seemed to be knitting with His fingers.

(from my notebook, 17 July 2012)


But I learned something interesting today.

It occurs to me that Loki may not have been knitting.

He may have been nålbinding (“needle-binding”), an ancient technique which may pre-date knitting and crocheting by 1500 years, where a single length of thread or yarn is passed through loops by use of a single needle, and the resulting fabric is sturdily connected by interlocking these loops of yarn or thread with one another.  Nålebinding is also called ‘knotless netting.’

I came across this information today – though honestly I was researching something else that had nothing at all to do with Norse clothing -but a reference to socks caught my eye and I found my way to

“However, Norse socks were not knitted (which apparently was unknown to the Norse). Instead, they were made using an ancient technique called nálbinding (needle-binding). Using a single large, thick needle, it was a method of knotting the yarn. Although time consuming, this approach resulted in a nearly indestructible garment. If the thread were to break or wear out, the garment would still be intact, since the thread was everywhere knotted to neighboring threads. Mittens and caps were also made using this technique. The sketch to the left shows the steps involved in making an article of clothing using the nálbinding technique. Note that the fabric grows in a spiral pattern. Once the spiral is large enough, it is knotted back on itself to create the shape of the finished article.”


(Photos: l-r: spiral nal-binding_sketch; Sock found in York; from


How does this personally relate to me in regards to Loki?

Loki has been referring me to knots and knotwork for many years now, and as it is with His method, I hadn’t any idea as to why He was always referring to such things, either literally or metaphorically.  But I’m starting to connect some things about knots and knotwork today.

But, barring that, it does give His references to ‘creating sockpuppets’ a whole new meaning, eh?


An amusing coincidence.

In case you did not know – a few weeks ago, my family got a new dog: a Dalmatian puppy.

We named him Phineas.


He has beautiful blue eyes, doesn’t he?

He is incredibly sweet-tempered and probably the calmest Dalmatian we’ve ever owned (and V and I have had 5 other Dals over the last 25 years)

And yet, what’s new for us is that it turns out that Phineas is 100% deaf.

While deafness in Dalmatians is a rather common occurrence – something like 30% of Dals have some level of hearing loss/deafness – we have never had a deaf Dal ourselves.

So, as you might imagine, I have been doing research on how to train a deaf dog.

We’ve begun to learn sign language.  We’ve invested in a vibrating collar.

And my latest goal has been to find a local dog training program/facility that can assist us in training our wonderfully calm, incredibly intelligent puppy – who just happens to be deaf.

While it would seem that there are plenty of trainers and facilities that offer specialized training for deaf dogs in California or Louisiana, there seems to be a dearth of actual trainers/facilities offering basic obedience training that encompasses deaf dogs in Central Florida.
Well, after many calls and emails and running around, I was excited to have finally heard back from a *local* training facility this morning.

So while V  was checking through the website this evening

-and reading the customer reviews –

he found this review at the top of the list:

Tabitha ******* ***** —5 star
I wanted to wait until our dogs settled in before giving my review….

Before we took Loki and Odin to [name of dog training facility], they were showing aggressive behaviors towards other animals, especially dogs, they were awful on leashes, and when someone came over they were jumping all over them.

They boarded and trained for three weeks… While at boarding Loki took to other dogs very well, he loves playing in a pack of dogs… Odin is now tolerant of dogs-he does great one-on-one but doesn’t care for a group of dogs. . They have some more work to do … but are so much better than they were. [W]hen I come in the door they are calmly waiting in their “place” until I call them out, and they don’t jump when they get to me.

I am so glad we took them to [training facility], it’s the best decision we could have made. Thank you so much for taking the time to work with [Loki and Odin]!


I just had to laugh…

Especially at the description of Loki and Odin being awful on leashes or jumping all over people who visit them.

I was also amused at the description of their personalities-

how Loki is sociable


Odin is only now tolerant of others, and does better one-on-one



Though I could have told Tabitha that working with Loki and Odin requires a lot of patience

…but it’s always worth taking the time to work with Loki and Odin.








Perhaps we are all monsters.

At first, I hated this song.

Like really *hated* it.

There was something about Tyler Joseph’s sing-song delivery of the lyrics that just annoyed the heck out of me.

And yet, almost from the day that I first heard this song, it would *not* get out of my head.

It became a really insistent earworm, nearly on par in annoyance factor with ‘It’s a Small World.’

Then, a dear friend of mine reminded me of the possibility that it could be another example of pandoramancy.*

So, I did what I always do when I come across an incidence of pandoramancy?

I concentrated on listening to the lyrics the next time the song randomly came up.

I thought about what sort of emotions, thoughts and associations came immediately to mind while listening.   And since I am a person who is rather particular about words, I Googled the lyrics, so I could familiarize myself better with the lyrics as well.

But it all seemed to no avail, since the lyrics seemed, at first, surprisingly much simpler than I ever would have expected, and yet, the main thing seemed to be how annoyingly repetitive they were:

All my friends are heathens, take it slow
Wait for them to ask you who you know
Please don’t make any sudden moves
You don’t know the half of the abuse
All my friends are heathens, take it slow
Wait for them to ask you who you know
Please don’t make any sudden moves
You don’t know the half of the abuse

Welcome to the room of people
Who have rooms of people that they loved one day
Docked away
Just because we check the guns at the door
Doesn’t mean our brains will change from hand grenades
You’re lovin’ on the psychopath sitting next to you
You’re lovin’ on the murderer sitting next to you
You’ll think, how’d I get here, sitting next to you?
But after all I’ve said, please don’t forget

All my friends are heathens, take it slow
Wait for them to ask you who you know
Please don’t make any sudden moves
You don’t know the half of the abuse

We don’t deal with outsiders very well
They say newcomers have a certain smell
Yeah, I trust issues, not to mention
They say they can smell your intentions
You’re lovin’ on the freakshow sitting next to you
You’ll have some weird people sitting next to you
You’ll think “how did I get here, sitting next to you?”
But after all I’ve said, please don’t forget
(Watch it, watch it)

(Watch it)
All my friends are heathens, take it slow
Wait for them to ask you who you know
Please don’t make any sudden moves
You don’t know the half of the abuse

All my friends are heathens, take it slow
(Watch it)
Wait for them to ask you who you know
(Watch it)
All my friends are heathens, take it slow
(Watch it)
Wait for them to ask you who you know

Why’d you come, you knew you should have stayed
I tried to warn you just to stay away
And now they’re outside ready to bust
It looks like you might be one of us

Written by Tyler Joseph • Copyright © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc


Okay.   The first thing that struck me (aside of the 4 (!) repetitions of that rather long chorus) was the repetitive use of the words they and them and the phrases sittin next to you, watch it, and after all I’ve said please don’t forget.

So I immediately grasped the overall message that whoever they are, they are different than you or me.

They are – let’s see –



Weird people.


So the song definitely seems to be a warning.

And there They are sitting next to you (the listener), and yet you don’t know how these dangerous people suddenly got to be sitting next to you.

Maybe you might love them for their differences ( as in loving on[the psychopath/murderer/freakshow]  sitting next to you) but still fear them on some level….because you must watch it.

Because there are possibly valid reasons.

The singer goes on to explain that perhaps you should be nervous, because it’s been established that they are not only dangerous, but abused and distrustful of those who aren’t like themselves.  They are easily triggered (take it slow/ don’t make any sudden moves) aggressive (brains will change from hand grenades ), paranoid  (Wait until they ask you who you know), and perhaps are prone to display distinctly animal traits of perceiving the intangible (newcomers have a certain smell and they can smell your intentions).

But, surprisingly, by the end of the song, there’s quite a strange twist.

Suddenly not only has the singer identified himself as being one of them (We don’t deal with outsiders very well and Yeah, I have trust issues, not to mention) and he is warning you
Why’d you come, you knew you should have stayed
I tried to warn you just to stay away

But you didn’t listen, so…

And now they’re outside ready to bust

Perhaps it is because
It looks like you might be one of us



So perhaps this is not just a song about the difference between criminals and law-abiding citizens, or even humans versus non-humans but more about how appearances deceive and behavior might not be so telling after all.

Perhaps you never know who is different, who actually is the monster.

Hell, it might even be …you.

Perhaps we are all monsters…it’s just a matter of perception.


Though on a whole other level, some fans have theorized that the deeper meaning of this song is actually aimed toward the newest fans of the band – as the fans of Twenty One Pilots – the Skeleton Clique – can seem pretty devoted.

And I can attest to their devotion, as I had the pleasure of seeing Twenty One Pilots perform at The Big Ticket in the autumn of last year.

Between the incessant high-pitched prolonged screaming of the pockets of barely post-pubescent females in the crowd, I also noticed that most every fan knew all the lyrics of nearly every song and it would seem that almost every single one of those fans sang those lyrics at the top of their lungs throughout the entire show.  You could really tell who was a fan and who was not, to put it mildly.


*Pandoramancy is when a random song seems to be not so random after a while.  A song which is not just an earworm, but a song that suddenly engenders a reaction in the listener that is oddly dramatic or meaningful through either sudden association or several random yet repeated coincidences.  As well, though an incidence of pandoramancy might only occur once, upon listening, there seems to be an over-reaching personal message for the listener inherent in the lyrics, based upon specific situational associations.

Pandoramancy can also refer to a form of divination that uses a playlist (containing a wide variety of music) and music storage software system (such as Pandora or Spotify).  This divination operates wherein the querent will direct a question towards the Gods, and the querent then sets the playlist on shuffle, and the next song that comes up on the playlist is the answer.)


Month for Loki, Day 12: Trust and vulnerability.

(AKA: On a related note….)

So, several hours ago, I was meditating again – with Loki in mind – and I thought about what direction that I should take with my writing project.

In typical fashion, I scribbled some thoughts down.


And then I came to a realization.

For a while, I had wondered exactly why Loki sometimes approached me in dreams, often borrowing the faces of past lovers, especially those of the male switches whom I’d known in the BDSM community.  The fact that He would approach me in such a manner – much less in the role of an attentive male submissive – baffled me.

It seemed a fluke at first, and I was ready to write it off, until I knew Him better – and yet, even still, He would occasionally show up in that guise – sometimes, even as Himself.

So, it got me to thinking about that class that I had taught at several kink lifestyle events in the springs and summers of 2010-12 – back when He was starting to show up in my life again.  And it slowly dawned on me that there was only one class that I taught that really drew a crowd, and it was my favorite class to teach…

It was titled ‘Words as Ordeal’ –  and it was mostly an educational/discussion class about verbal humiliation, degradation and ‘catharsis scenes’ – and I taught it from my point of view being  a submissive who enjoyed that particular sort of intense ‘play’ scene.

I taught it from the point of view that, in some ways, this form of ‘catharsis scene’ could be conveyed as the submissive (or ‘bottom’) seeking to lead the dominant (or ‘top’) into the woods of the (submissive’s) mind.

‘Leading [one] into the woods’ [or likewise ‘into the darkness, or into the basement, or the ‘deep end of the pool’] is a stunningly apt metaphor for this sort of powerful scene.

But what it wasn’t, I hastened to add, was a submissive ‘topping from below.’  Creating this sort of cathartic- and often powerfully transformative -scene was not topping from below.

Because there is nothing manipulative or disrespectful about allowing someone access to one’s mind.

Rather, such access can only be granted in the context of granting one another consent based upon an enormous amount of trust and vulnerability 

But to think on it now, I realize that the truth of the matter is, I could never allow a dominant/top total access to my mind.


So, in retrospect, it is no wonder that Loki wanted to be the submissive and use my own teaching methods on me.


Perhaps, He wasn’t about leading me to His mind as much as He was leading me to my own mind, and/or asking for access to my mind Himself.

Trust Me to know you, He would say.

I realize today that a lot of the work that Loki and I do together could be framed this way.

So in the end maybe there should be no surprise in this stunning bit of pandoramancy that comes up often on my Loki-music playlist:

Are you going with Me, because I’m going with you….because this is what it’s like when worlds collide…*


And in that, I realize that in approaching me with the submissive persona, He was asking for my trust.  He was asking me to trust Him to know me and to lead me to where I needed to be to do work for Him.

This is hard to explain.

But all these things are related in a spiderweb of metaphors.

He wanted me to trust Him to lead me by asking me if I knew how to lead Him, using these familiar BDSM paradigms that I had been entrenching myself in over the last two decades or so.

Lead Me to where you are, He would say in dreamspace. Teach Me the way

(But He knew how – He was just waiting for me to trust Him enough/trust myself enough to admit: that I couldn’t give Him permission until I’d given myself permission.  Permit Me to see you.  Permit Me to know you, as He would often suggest.)

Permission is the cornerstone of consent.

In BDSM, one always has the right to give permission, no matter what side of the power dynamic that one is on.

Despite what some may think, the submissive role is just as powerful as the dominant role, because it is the trust between the submissive and the dominant and the strength of trust within their relationship dynamic that makes for a powerfully spiritually transformative scene.

Even more so, an ordeal/catharsis scene is an exercise in trust and vulnerability.

In my Words as Ordeal classes – where verbal humiliation and degradation was often the means to bring about catharsis and transformation – I taught a lot of student-Dominants.

Sometimes, over two-thirds of the class would identify as Dominant, but this did not surprise me.

Because Dominants/tops are usually the ones who must be entrusted to be able to access the submissive’s most vulnerable aspects – creating scenes fueled by the force of the submissive’s deepest emotions – pain, fear, rage, and sadness.  There may be several ‘goals’ to a scene – but most catharsis scenes hinge upon creating a deeper emotional connection, and an overall sense of empowerment for the submissive (and sometimes, the Dominant.)


Perhaps, in this regard, Loki wanted to put me through various cathartic ordeals to discover my own vulnerabilities.

Personally, Our scenes were ones that featured accessing fears, needs, and confronting several forms of vulnerability and control – receiving acts of service, allowing myself to drop into trance states, or at the most intense, confronting my darkness/hunger/shadow-self.

And sometimes, this is the hardest part – just allowing Him to bring me to orgasm was an act of trust and vulnerability, in itself.


In 2012, it was also at a time in my life when I was gravitating more toward the masculine side of my genderfluidity,  and Loki pointedly suggested that He wanted to push me out of the comfort zone of masculinity by asking me to present as female.

And it wasn’t just that He wanted to see me wear dresses…it seemed that He wanted me to get in touch with something He referred to as the vulnerability of receiving.‘  

I am open to you, He would insist, I want to see you open, and I want you to get comfortable with your body as it is.

And We worked a lot of particular aspects of receiving in our interactions, and to this day, there’s a particular sensual act that brings me to a trance state faster than anything else I’ve ever done because, in the beginning of that work, I found myself using a trance induction tactic to relax myself enough to allow myself to receive/accept pleasure from it.

As well, to see Him open – to hear His words of opening – was the headiest thing.   When He said His words of opening, and He would take position/posture, it always struck me as a profound and sacred thing.   Honestly, the most obvious issue I had with His taking on the submissive’s role was that I, like any dominant, had to not only acknowledge/recognize Him in His chosen role, I had to allow Him and receive Him and His ‘gift.’

Some BDSM practitioners recognize a spiritual/emotional component to the submissive role, and some submissives refer to this component as ‘the gift of submission.’

And, in a sense, it is a ‘gift.’   It is the ‘gift’ of allowing another access to one’s body, and to an extent, one’s mind, in the dynamic.  It is allowing another to share in a journey of release and surrender.

Some submissives will tell you that they live to please their dominant, that submission is about experiencing pleasure by providing service to another.  And yes, I can understand that.  As a service person, that does resonate with me – but though, pleasure is pleasure – the submissive must also allow the sensations, the impact, the act of service itself to affect the self as well. The goal is to be open, to be transparent, and to trust completely in the experience.

But could I be open and trust completely in the experience of Our interactions?

I learned sex magic this way.

But the sex magic lessons were simply a preparation for…seidhr.

Receiving.  Trusting. Opening.

The essence of seidhr and trance is, for me, a state of vulnerability.  But that vulnerability came on the heels of a powerful state of arousal/awakening/opening sensation that required a lot of trust for me to settle into.

I understand now how the lessons intertwined.

In terms of ergi, Loki is not afraid to receive, to be a conduit, to be the receptacle at times, of magical transformations.

But, by the same token, He was not adverse to saying Lay back now and receive.  Allow Me. Receive Me.

And I did watch others as they received Him during seidhr, and I wondered how -or if ever – I would be able to do that.  I watched and listened as others would ‘horse’ Him and I wondered how that was done.  I thought about the concept of ergi – and the vulnerable power inherent in being the receptacle, the receiver, the one who submitted/surrendered control and made space for another within the energetic space of their bodies.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable with Me.  Open.  Trust.  Breathe.

The first lessons involved discussion of energy and physics.  Manifestation and language.

Then, the lessons focused on BDSM, sensuality and sex.

The next lessons involved trance and seidhr.

All lessons required a profound level of trust, openness, and vulnerability.


And yet, 3 years later…I was still not allowing Him full access.

It had all started with His assertion:

You are an energetic being.

Then,  His insistence:

You are a force of love.

After that, the request:

 Allow Me to love you.   Allow Me to give you pleasure.

And He was rather skilled with His sex metaphors.

But then, certain aspects about O/our interactions slowly shifted towards trance and seidhr metaphors.

The article that appeared on a spiritual studies forum putting forth the premise that sexual foreplay is an act of mutual self-hypnosis.  That foreplay is simply the act of allowing oneself to enter into a brief but communal trance with another person. (Update: I found the reference!)

How both sexual arousal and hypnotic trance share common bodily response indicators – that both are states of arousal/awareness that are similar in many ways – the prime similarity being that both states require one to accept/enter a state of vulnerability.

The nakedness of the body; the nakedness of the mind.

Relax your body; Relax your mind.

Cum with Me; Come with Me.

And so We did….to some degree.


And so, this is me talking about it.  I don’t know how to be succinct about this – but these are forms of energy magic: sex magic and trance magic.

Trance and seidhr are about vulnerability and power.  Surrendering the ego briefly to allow other energies/powers to come through and speak to you and through you.

It’s about access, allowing access.

Trusting the Gods to see into all the little corners of your self, to know all of you in all of your aspects, and to use all you know and how you speak….to make Themselves known and heard.

There’s definitely that aspect of seidhr that the volva is a conduit.

And as I had learned in BDSM, there are the roles of givers and receivers, powers and conduits of power… and even when trust and vulnerability is offered, consent is still required.  

These are all metaphors, and powerful ones at that.

Loki began as my teacher.

And then, He became my Lover to teach me still –

about trust and vulnerability,

about receiving and acceptance,

about consent and power


in the act of sex,

in the act of submission,

and in the act of seidhr.








What Is Godphoning and Do I Want The Responsibility?

A great read on the topic of Godphones and the related responsibilities of having a ‘ Godphone.’

(Though, to be honest, my ‘god-phone’ isn’t akin in the slightest bit to a telephone. It’s less audio-visual and more…tactile/sensation-based. It’s rather difficult to explain.)

Friends On The Other Side

“Dude pick up the phone, Dionysus has been trying to call for three weeks and now He’s bugging ME about you!”

Honestly though, only Dionysus and Hekate have given me the experience of Godphoning. Cthulhu and Morrighan can’t be assed. As Godphoning is such an intensely personal experience that falls into UPG, my mileage may vary from another practitioners’. Generally though, most of us have a lot of common experiences that crop up in all our posts on the subject, and so I’m going to add to that wealth of knowledge.

The funny thing about godphoning is that it’s a joke term. A certain clique of spirit workers, shamans, and other spiritually minded folk were trying to explain the different ways divine communication can occur with humans.  It was a VERY accurate joke though, and it stuck and is now used amongst the general populace. But what is a godphone?

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Meditations, Magenta, and Metaphors.

I know that I am rather behind on Cauldrons and Cupcakes’ Weekly Journal project.

I believe that we are in Week 4, but my depression and social anxiety has been hitting me hard in the past few weeks, and I will definitely admit that I’ve been struggling more than usual with my daily routines.  Therefore, I’m not posting as much.

As well, as much as I’d intended to post my weekly process in this project, I haven’t been… but I have been doing the meditations and journaling.

It’s been helpful.

This past Sunday, I listened to the meditation for Week 2, and I received

The color: Magenta

The words/phrase: You can’t go back- only forward.  Do not be afraid.

…and I drew the oracle card, The Hare.


Magenta: Passion.  Creativity.  Confidence. Sexuality.

I do think about the past- how I used to allow myself to feel so readily, and how it is not so easy now because of how I feel about my body.

When I think of the color magenta, I especially think of passion and body confidence.

During the meditation, I also felt nudged to associate this color with the intersection between sexuality and spirituality.

It is a warm, passionate color that has playfulness about it that especially reminds me of when my sexuality was uncomplicated and fun and I had the confidence to move and enjoy and I felt better about my body.

I wonder how to get back to that sense of passion and body confidence.

With this in mind, I am trying to re-discover it by taking better care of my body.  I am trying to do less comfort-eating and engage in more exercise and physical activities.

Such as this morning, it felt good to weed my front garden.  I’d felt guilty as weeding always makes me feel as if the land-wights are upset that I am tearing out all the plant life in my gardens almost to the point of barrenness.  (Barren because I’ve yet to replace the hedges that I removed last summer with any flowers, and so nothing but weeds has been growing in those narrow dirt patches where the hedges used to be.)

For this reason, I am often overwhelmed (or likewise reluctant) to begin weeding — but once I do begin, I reach a good rhythm in my work.  Soon enough, I’ve worked up a good sweat in the Florida sun, but I do not notice the intensity of my efforts until I’ve begun to see droplets falling into the soft, dark soil.  I am perspiring freely into the dirt.  Perhaps this is my offering – the sweat of my work as I clear away the weeds, deadfall, and other withered debris around my single rose bush and heather.   The heather is rather large now and I have had to cut it back several times due to its growth.  I feed both the rose-bush and the heather regularly enough that it’s quite possible if I left those two plants alone, they might take over the rest of the garden…if the weeds’ root-systems didn’t often choke them out.

Perhaps the front garden could be a metaphor for my life right now: The beauty of my garden is only found in one neat little corner while the rest is either choked with weeds or barren of growth.

But if joy (ie, the flowers) were allowed to flourish, that joy just might overtake everything.


Magenta is the color of passionate growth,as the blooms of the rose-bush are light pink edged in varying shades of dark pink, or magenta.