Holding the bowl
Yesterday, my offering was to hold the bowl for Sigyn.
(I try to hold the bowl for at least 15 minutes, or longer, if I can.)
Usually when I am in the space, holding the bowl, I think about many things, but mostly about what it must be like to be in the cave with Them. The space that I use is somewhat small, and I keep it dark, or mostly so, sometimes with only the light of Their candles on the altar.
So, I think about the dark, as I begin my mental wandering: Is it cold? Is it wet? A desolate, gray place…
Sometimes, I visualize things – long shadows in the flickering light, the flash of reptilian eyes and movement above me…sometimes, I can almost see Loki’s face. Almost.
Sometimes, I think about the sounds: Ragged breathing. The hollow echo of water. The soft hiss of venom hitting the bowl. Fshht. Fsssht. Teeth grinding, the muffled gasp upon the sharp intake of pain…
Mostly I think about how it must feel: the tight twinge in muscles shifting, the weight of the bonds, the sweat of effort beading down the back of the neck…but most often, Their fathomless grief and loss that mingled with the fatigue of time.
But yesterday, I found myself feeling something entirely new.
Now usually I eat before doing this ritual, as I often make offerings of a portion of whatever I had for dinner, for Them. Sometimes, I’ll put them on the indoor altar, if there’s room, or I will leave the offering for Them on the outside altar, much earlier in the evening.
But, yesterday, in my hurry, I did not bring the food offerings to either altar before I began, even though I had eaten, and I had set aside a portion, as usual. (There was also the bread, beer, and fresh water that I’d meant to bring to the indoor altar – but I’d forgotten that, too in my haste yesterday.)
So, there I was holding the bowl, and oddly enough, within a few minutes, I was suddenly hit with an overwhelming wave of hunger. My stomach knotted and rumbled, and even though I had eaten a full meal less than a half hour before, I felt struck with hunger pangs as if I hadn’t eaten in days.
And then it quickly dawned on me. Here was a situation that, strangely enough, had never really occurred to me before: The incredible level of hunger and thirst that They must have felt while in the cave. Perhaps I was feeling a brief portion of Their hunger…?
So, I’m almost ashamed to admit that I broke off from the devotion after only ten minutes…but when I did return, moments later, I was certain to bring all the offerings, including the bread, the beer, and the water before I took up the bowl again.
Hail Loki! Hail Sigyn!
This makes me kind of sniffly. ❤
Lately, I’ve found that holding the bowl has become an extremely emotional devotional act for me. It gets more and more intense every time.
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Reblogged this on Loki's Bruid.
This is a devotion I hadn’t tried/thought of yet. I found this quite moving and I think I will try this. I found this sombering and devout.
I definitely find holding the bowl to be powerfully intense for me. Several times I have found myself struggling to hold back tears, and/or feeling waves of other intense emotion while holding the bowl.
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That is a beautiful post, thanks for sharing. I must start doing this on a regular basis.
Thank you. I was moved when writing it.
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As soon as I wrote that reply, I went to my altar and did the ritual. I offered Sigyn a goblet of juice and Loki some cold water at His request. I held the bowl for about ten minutes when my arms started to shake and I started to spill the contents (water not poison thankfully:)). I think Sigyn seemed to appreciate my effort and I know Loki did. I have a couple of antique images of Sigyn and Loki and find that image to be of primary religious importance to me as a Lokean. I definitely plan on doing this regularly. Thanks for inspiring me to finally do it!
this just made me pick up the bowl again for another ten minutes.
thanks for sharing.
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