bloodteethandflame

Some days, I don’t have to look very far into the Internet, before I find a sneaky ton of bricks.

First, there’s these:

By our nature we are drawn to relationships because of the sweetness we actually crave to experience.  But that is just what draws us in.  Just as fruit draws us in to forward its own procreation, relationships draw us in by their own sweetness, so that we will come to the pit, experience breakdowns, discover ourselves and be forced to evolve, just as nature does.

Breakdowns are designed to happen.  They are meant to happen for the purposes of our own evolution.

Garrison Cohen

How strange it is that a few days ago, I was talking with a friend, and I suddenly found myself unpacking emotions attached to an event that occurred in my past that I’d never allowed myself to feel, because the event was a source of anger and shame.

Sufficed to say, that unpacking led me to a realization that I did not like about a situation with which I am presently struggling.  I’d like to say that now that I know of it, I’m not going to hide from it, but then again, I’m pretty stubborn.

Childish, even.

I do not want.

I will not go.

I refuse to move. 

I did not move.

I don’t want to see.

I don’t want to know.

I am afraid.

I can’t, I said aloud, to Him, later that evening.  It feels impossible.

And so, not too much later, I was surfing the web, avoiding my husband, and vacillating between tears and anger…

And I see:

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it.  Impossible is not a fact.  It’s an opinion.  Impossible is not a declaration, it’s a dare.  Impossible is potential.  Impossible is temporary.  Impossible is nothing.

Muhammed Ali

~~~~

I don’t feel better.