Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can get you in a lot of trouble.
Manners are always important.
Smart is good. Lucky is better. (Smart and lucky is the best of all.)
Sometimes the long way around is the best way home.
Never let the truth interfere with a good story.
(Neef’s Rules for Changelings from this book)
According to WordPress, I have been blogging on bloodteethandflame for three years (as of 28 May 2012), and so I received an email notifying me of my 3rd Anniversary about 10 days ago
Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com!
You registered on WordPress.com 3 years ago!
Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging!
That took me quite by surprise, since I had thought that WordPress would be counting from the date of my first blog entry (7 June 2012) rather than the date that I had first registered.
And yes, I had been planning to write an entry on June 7th, simply because I did get quite a peculiar reminder on 26 May 2015:
I was riding in the car, and we were driving through Winter Haven, on the way back from my therapy appointment. I was riding in the car with V, and we were talking about our kids’ upcoming summer vacation.
I wasn’t really paying attention the cars around me, until he suddenly remarked something about the car that was directly in front of us.
‘Look, it’s a Loki car,’ he said.
I looked at the license plate, expecting that to be what he was referring to, but there was nothing about the license plate that seemed Lokean.
And here is the photo that I took on my phone…but I was not close enough to capture the detail that I am referring to, so you’re just going to have to trust me on this:
It was a Nissan Altima from a Lokey dealership.
(You can almost see their logo (Lokey) to the left of the license plate under the Altima logo if you magnify the photo 200% or so)
And that seems just a funny coincidence – since the last time I had heard reference to a Lokey dealership was here in this entry — that describes my sleepless night at an event, when V and I were in Clearwater in the first weekend of June 2012.
Which also happens to be the first entry that I wrote on bloodteethandflame. 🙂
It has only been recently that I realize that that this particular reminder arrived perfectly on the day that it was due.
It’s funny how the Universe works, isn’t it?
Scene: A popular restaurant where I frequently have lunch.
(I am looking at the menu, and I realize much to my dismay that the restaurant no longer offers the version of chicken sandwich that I love.)
Me: (dismayed at the lack of my favorite chicken sandwich.)
L: But look! There’s a new version of your chicken sandwich.
Me: I don’t want to try that new sandwich. What if… I hate it?
L: Well. Have you ever considered what if… you love it?
<trolls>Oh no…you just might! <trolls>
So. I suggest that you try that sandwich.
Me: I might.
L: You should. *grins*
Me: (orders the sandwich)
L: ….
Me: OK. I think…I think I love it.
L: *eyeroll* This is… My not-surprised face.
~~~Later~~~
Me: Hopefully, in my next life, I’ll be more easygoing and cheerful.
L: Tell Me why you couldn’t be more easygoing and cheerful in this life.
Me: It’s too late.
L: It’s never too late to decide to be happy.
~~~
So, this seems to have become a thing.
‘Hypothetical chicken sandwich’ seems to be our conversational shorthand for a moment when I refuse to adapt or choose to fight an inevitable change:
So, as I mentioned a post or two ago, I have been working on several projects.
I have been making jewelry that mostly consists of beadwork and wire-wrapping.
I began last summer making necklaces and ankle bracelets, simply because I found that the process has become quite a meditative and calming activity for me.
I’ve made several pieces now, mostly for myself, as devotional jewelry, because most of the devotional jewelry that I’d purchased from retail was beginning to fall apart.
As well, I have been wearing an ankle bracelet 24/7 * for several years now, and I have found through experience that a lot of ankle bracelets (whether purchased retail or hand made by me) aren’t sturdy enough for such constant wear…or at least, the clasps aren’t. I’m still trying to work out a means of clasp attachment – or a clasp/attachment combination – that will hold for longer than four months. I’m getting there.
On the other hand, I switch out my necklaces a lot more often. I have made several pieces each that are dedicated to specific Gods, and so I often wear those necklaces for shorter periods of time. I might just phase out some of my older (retail purchased) pieces in favor of wearing exclusively handmade ones.
And, of course, there are times when I make something quick, thinking that I might wear it, and then I get the distinct impression that Someone likes it so much that I’ll end up just leaving it on Their altar…
…as is the case here.
The beading cord is recycled hemp, which I’m not familiar working with, and thus the attachment point for this toggle clasp is probably not sturdy enough for wearing for any length of time anyway.
But I have come up with other ideas to expand upon this design, as I really love the earth-toned color scheme.
*Loki seems to appreciate that I have been wearing an ankle bracelet which has a design/color scheme that honors Him and His families.
~~~
I’ve also been working on an embroidery project that features all the Futhark runes.
When it is finished, I will be sure to post a picture of it, as it has taken me a while. Certain runes seem to be a lot more difficult for me to stitch than others, and my perfectionist tendencies aren’t serving me so well in that department.
But as it is with beading, I find embroidery a very satisfying and meditative devotional activity. I am guessing that there might not be too many people in this world who enjoy embroidering their altar cloths as much as I do, but I enjoy it very much.
I probably should switch out my altar cloths more often, or likewise, create more layers on the altars to showcase the ones I have finished.
I usually have one to three unfinished cloths at any given time, so I definitely have an altar cloth embroidery addiction, at the very least. Ahem.
~~~
And finally, drawing.
I was puttering around DeviantArt the other day, and I realized that it has now been 3 years that I have had an account there, and yet I have never submitted any artwork. Still.
(Still, a year or more after saying that I would.)
So, I was having a conversation – no, more like an argument, honestly – with an artist friend of mine yesterday. In the course of our heated discussion, my artist-friend gave me all kinds of grief in regards to my obvious procrastination/aversion towards actually posting artwork, which led to his calling me out in his frustration, in a very Loki-esque manner:
You know what, Heathir?
You need to stop talking about doing, and…f***ing DO.
You need to either shit or get off the pot.
And it was a small thing, such a small thing, my not posting any artwork, you know.
I don’t know what I have been waiting for these past three years. I’ve never had any excuse whatsoever not to post artwork…but I kept hemming and hawing, anyway.
And there was absolutely no reason to be afraid.
So, as soon as I got off the phone with him, I went to DeviantArt, scanned, and finally posted some artwork.
And the more that I scanned, the more that I wished that I’d keep my artwork in one place in a more organized fashion.
I scanned six pages from my sketch-book. I started to wonder where I’d put some of the other sketches that I had done last summer. I began looking through my notebooks, looking specifically for my vulture sketches, and all those face and figure studies that I did last month.
I couldn’t find a lot of what I was thinking to post on DeviantArt because I have been so disorganized in storing my artwork. *sigh*
But, there’s actually artwork there now.
(There should be more, but I learned that my scanner doesn’t pick up my graphite sketches as well as I would have liked. I’ll take that as a sign that I need to draw more confidently, ie; press down a little harder with the pencils, so the scanner will pick up the lines.)
In related news, I did a few more face studies, and one figure study yesterday in preparation for a t-shirt silkscreen project that I have been putting together:
(Figure study #1: I am pleased with the leanness of the body, but I’m not as pleased with the face as much. The eyes are fair to good (right eye is clear, left is not because of erasures), and I like the slightly raised eyebrow, but the mouth, nose, and facial hair need work. And I realize that the hair on the head is all wrong.)
(Face study #1: I love the hair, and even though it’s shorter than intended, I like the flow. I like the left eye; too many erasures are muddying up the right eye, but the eye placement looks good to me. The nose seems wrong somehow, and the mouth seems a bit too wide/too stiff of an expression. Overall, He looks older than I intended, as well.)
(Face Study #2: Facial feature placement seems good, but He still looks older than I intended. Nose is better, and mouth is better. Tried to keep the raised eyebrow.)
(Face Study #3: Most of the time, I look at several photos of actual people and study their faces, and practice drawing the parts of the face several times before incorporating the details of several faces while I’m drawing one face. This was a total freehand in that this face came together all at once, rather than incorporating the various details of several faces from studying photos. This is the last, and oddly enough, the most simple face of the three that I drew. I know that this one still needs work, but I really like that He doesn’t look so…middle-aged as He did in the other ones. )
Hail Loki, Fair of Face ❤
~~~
‘There is a secret about human love that is commonly overlooked: receiving it is much more scary and threatening than giving it. How many times in your life have you been unable to let in someone’s love, or pushed it away? Much as we proclaim the wish to be truly loved, we are often afraid of that, and find it difficult to open to love or let it all the way in.’
John Welwood
~~~
He said:
‘Is it so difficult?
And so I will tell you again what you must do:
Open up to love.
Just love.
Let love consume you.
Let love engulf you in its joy.
You must trust in your love.
You must allow love to take hold of you.
You must allow yourself to feel.
You must forgive yourself and allow yourself
Love without condition,
Love without attachments,
Love without goals,
Love without agendas.
You must love for the sake of love.
Don’t you see?
You must allow yourself to be taken by joy.
Release yourself to love. Surrender yourself to joy.
You must not fear being open.
You must open up to love.’
~~~
~~~
Thank You, my Beloved.
For everything
Today and Always
❤
From Wikipedia:
A derailment is said to take place when a vehicle (for example a train) runs off its rails. This does not necessarily mean that it leaves its track. Although many derailments are minor, all result in temporary disruption of the proper operation of the railway system, and they are potentially seriously hazardous to human health and safety. Usually, the derailment of a train can be caused by a collision with another object, the mechanical failure of tracks, such as broken rails, or the mechanical failure of the wheels.
Also:
In psychiatry, derailment is a thought disorder characterized by discourse consisting of a sequence of unrelated or only remotely related ideas. The frame of reference often changes from one sentence to the next.
In a mild manifestation, [this] is characterized by slippage of ideas further and further from the point of a discussion. Some of the synonyms given… are used by some authors to refer just to a loss of goal: discourse that sets off on a particular idea, wanders off and never returns to it. In some studies on creativity…it describes a similarly loose association of ideas, [but] it is not considered a mental disorder, or the hallmark of one; it is sometimes used as a synonym for lateral thinking.
~~~
From Thursday, 18 February 2015:
I was feeling good. I really was.
I was feeling as if a fog had lifted. I was feeling that I was being seen and understood. Things were good.
And then my friend, Phil called, wanting to talk. Phil said that he had been concerned about me and he simply wanted to ‘check in’ with me.
We ended up getting in an argument over the historical accuracy of the show Vikings.
Now I must wonder if Phil might not be as aware of my spirituality as I had assumed. While I’d thought that Phil was somewhat aware of the fact that I am a polytheist and a Pagan, it occurs to me that he might not given it much thought beyond that. He was flippant and downright condescending towards the spiritual beliefs and culture of pre-Christian societies, including the Vikings.
(I cannot seem to think of the concept that I’m trying to convey here – the belief that one’s ancestors weren’t as intelligent or spiritually developed as those living in the modern age. Edited to add: Urdummheit. The concept is called Urdummheit.)
He made several comments about the Eddas as ‘being a stupid bunch of poems,’ and that ‘the Havamal is a poem that has no basis in reality’ when I pointed out the cultural relevance of both in giving insight to Viking society. When I brought up Tacitus- since he was trying to make his point that his belief is that there is no historical record of Vikings being anything beyond what he was saying that they were – that is precisely where our conversation truly degenerated into something that was more contradiction than intellectual discussion.
We were talking about history, and the next thing you know, we were getting defensive with each other about the legitimacy of each other’s opinions.
And it disturbs me when that happens. Initially, I’d felt the need to defend my point, but then I realized that I’d lost all patience to do so.
I haven’t any patience to educate you on my opinions today.
~~~
In an attempt to cheer myself up and focus on things more positive, I thought about my upcoming flight to Atlanta to visit another friend over the weekend of March 6th-8th.
Earlier in the day, my friend had texted me concerning my plans.
I allowed myself to feel good when I read about how excited and pleased she was for the opportunity to see me, as we hadn’t seen each other in several years.
When I realized that I had missed some of her recent responses, due to my being on the phone with Phil, I returned her call.
And she didn’t answer.
I had to remind myself that it was OK. I had to remind myself that I was just feeling defensive and put off energetically by my phone call with Phil.
~~~
He asks me what is wrong. I can’t even articulate it.
~~~
A friend posted something today – and I responded to it, but I probably should not have.
It dealt with something that I could relate to that Loki had said, about joy being one of the only things that impresses Him; the sense of presence, the joy of being in the moment is all He’d ever seek. How He seeks energy, energetic presence that is pure, unadulterated by shame or guilt or guile.
This reminds me of the words that He has often said to me:
Just feel. Just be.
Do you know what you are?
You are light. You are energy. You are electricity. You are fire in a bottle, contained.
Shine on.
But, as is a human habit, I get hung up in negativity, in conceits, in an inability to see the opportunity, to allow myself the experience of the raw joy of being.
We squander it, I suppose, spending all of our time in making comparisons and in competition with each other rather than feeling compersion, or allowing ourselves connection.
Maybe that is the lesson.
If I am ever going to love him
I should just love him
and stop thinking of how I could do it better
or more profoundly
or whatever –
and just love him
Just letting the light of what I am –just letting that love flow out of me.
Just be. Just love.
It sounds woo-hippy-crazy, I know.
But I don’t care.
It’s difficult – but probably not nearly as difficult as I am making it out to be.
Let go of fear and open to love.
❤
“The joke is even the surrendering is not in your control. Why? Because so long as there is an individual who says ‘I surrender’ there is a surrenderer, an individual ego… What I’m saying is that even the surrendering is not in [your] hands.” – Ramesh Balsekar
Happy Valentines’ Day.
~~~
While I’d actually intended on posting another piece that I’d found a few weeks ago (that I’d been saving to post here today), here is a lovely poem by Mary Oliver that I woke up to find on my RSS feed this morning:
THE FOURTH SIGN OF THE ZODIAC (PART 3)
I know, you never intended to be in this world.
But you’re in it all the same.
So why not get started immediately.
I mean, belonging to it.
There is so much to admire, to weep over.
And to write music or poems about.
Bless the feet that take you to and fro.
Bless the eyes and the listening ears.
Bless the tongue, the marvel of taste.
Bless touching.
You could live a hundred years, it’s happened.
Or not.
I am speaking from the fortunate platform
of many years,
none of which, I think, I ever wasted.
Do you need a prod?
Do you need a little darkness to get you going?
Let me be as urgent as a knife, then,
and remind you of Keats,
so single of purpose and thinking, for a while,
he had a lifetime.
— from Blue Horses, collected poems
bloodteethandflame 