bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Category: pandoramancy

Month for Loki, Day 27: Social

So you’re a social drinker, eh?

Well, I know what that means; if you’re going to have a drink, then so shall I. 

-Peanut, renowned gadfly/theatre critic

~~~

If you have been following this blog for any length of time, you may have noticed that I am prone to social anxiety.  It is not something that I am proud of, but it is something that often affects my daily life.  As a result, I’ve developed many coping strategies and behaviors over the years.  Some of them are outward physically noticeable coping mechanisms that serve to help me function better when I find myself in anxiety-inducing situations, while others are inward psychological behaviors and patterns of thought-processing that help me through difficult mentally stressful situations.

However, I try as much as I can to function as normally as possible, but on a bad day, I am likely to avoid social interaction altogether.

Sometimes this desire to avoid social interaction will carry on for several days.

At times like that, I would almost welcome the chance to avoid.

But lately, more and more, I’ve been thrust into  situations that make me anxious, but I am left to find a way through somehow anyway.   These situations present themselves, and I am caught having to deal with exactly the sort of social situation that I’d more than likely rather avoid.

Today was just such a day.   I was informed this morning that two acquaintances of mine (whom I do not know very well at all) were planning on stopping by my home later in the afternoon.  Of course, I stressed about this, and was on edge all morning.  I’m almost ashamed to admit that I had been practically avoiding them socially for over a month, but things converged last night somehow, and it became obvious to me this morning that I didn’t have a good excuse to avoid them for very much longer.*

Besides, they were only planning to stop by for an hour or two.

I started to think that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

So I buried myself in the activity of tidying up the house.  I doubled up my dose on my anxiety meds (something I do with the OK of my physician, of course), and then I meditated and I exercised.

In short, I used every one of my physical coping strategies to prepare myself for that two hour window.

While I was out walking, I had an interesting moment of obvious pandoramancy, as this song came up twice in the music feed on my device:

Gods bless you, Frank Turner.

You seem to know exactly how I feel at times.

~~~

But then, you know what?

The situation with those visitors?

They never even showed up.

Perhaps tomorrow, they will…but I am ready to face them.

With a clean house and a clear, calm mind.

~~~

Hail Loki…for understanding the way I tend to be ❤

 

~~~

There’s a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus, “Leave me the fuck alone” comes out as “Well, maybe.  Sure.  I guess I can see your point.   – David Sedaris,  A Friend in the Ghetto; from Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls

 

 

 

Month for Loki, Day 18: Another song.

Here is another song that I associate with Loki:

And, in case that it isn’t obvious, the rapped verses – performed by Del Tha Funkee Homosapien* – are the parts that certainly evoke Loki for me.

Here are the lyrics:

I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I’m useless but not for long
The future is coming on
I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I’m useless but not for long
The future is coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on

Yeah… Ha Ha!
Finally someone let me out of my cage
Now, time for me is nothing cause I’m counting no age
Now I couldn’t be there
Now you shouldn’t be scared
I’m good at repairs
And I’m under each snare
Intangible
Bet you didn’t think so I command you to
Panoramic view
Look I’ll make it all manageable
Pick and choose
Sit and lose
All you different crews
Chicks and dudes
Who you think is really kickin’ tunes?
Picture you gettin’ down in a picture tube
Like you lit the fuse
You think it’s fictional?
Mystical? Maybe.
Spiritual
Hero who appears in you to clear your view when you’re too crazy
Lifeless
To those the definition for what life is
Priceless
To you because I put you on the high shit
You like it?
Gun smokin’ righteous with one toke
You’re psychic among those
Possess you with one go

I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I’m useless but not for long
The future is coming on
I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I’m useless but not for long
The future (that’s right) is coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on

The essence the basics
Without did you make it
Allow me to make this
Child-like in nature
Rhythm
You have it or you don’t that’s a fallacy
I’m in them
Every sprouting tree
Every child of peace
Every cloud and sea
You see with your eyes
I see destruction and demise (that’s right)
Corruption in disguise
From this fuckin’ enterprise
Now I’m sucked into your lies
Through Russel, not his muscles but percussion he provides
For me as a guide
Y’all can see me now ’cause you don’t see with your eye
You perceive with your mind
That’s the inner
So I’mma stick around with Russ and be a mentor
Bust a few rhymes so motherfuckers remember where the thought is
I brought all this
So you can survive when law is lawless (right here)
Feelings, sensations that you thought was dead
No squealing, remember that it’s all in your head

I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I’m useless but not for long
The future is coming on
I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I’m useless but not for long
My future is coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
My future is coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
My future is coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
My future is coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
My future is coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
My future is coming on
It’s coming on
It’s coming on
My future

 

 

~~~

*No, no, no.  Not that Del – though, he is a rather clever individual in his own right 😉

Month for Loki, Day 12: Song

This song comes up a lot on my playlist.

Don’t ask me why; it just does.

I don’t know so much about the message, but I certainly love their accents.

*swoon*

Hail to Loki, my Heart and Soul ❤

 

Spending time in the cheapest rooms.

The past few days have been so incredibly stressful/awful/what-have you.

This past Sunday being Mother’s Day did not help.  (For some context on that, you can read some here.)

And again, I am aware that some of it is my own damned fault…and yet some of it is not.

But I am reminded that only I can change myself, and only I can change my attitude about what’s been happening.

I cannot change anyone else, nor can I change their attitude.

 

But nonetheless, whenever I have the sort of time that I have been having – a time which seems damned near insurmountable some days – I get this song as a reminder:

 

And following that, I usually get the Universal poke to the head from Him, thusly:

Hafizcheaproom

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tangled Up in Blue

Concerning Petrarch, poetry, and a question from a reader:

I read a lot of poetry, and I listen to a lot of music.

Often these two habits will intersect in my life in strange and delightful ways, especially where and when my Gods are involved.

One particular song that I have always loved is Bob Dylan’s Tangled Up in Blue.

And I came to love it even more when the Indigo Girls released their cover of that song on their live album, 1200 Curfews, in 1995.

As you may or may not know, it was not until 1997 or so that I started getting specific spiritual nudges again.  And sufficed to say, this song came up a lot on the radio at that time, and as a result, I heard the Indigo Girls’ cover several times a day.

But as much as I knew the lyrics, there was one particular verse that always baffled me, however.

This one:

She lit a burner on the stove and offered me a pipe
“I thought you’d never say hello” she said
“You look like the silent type”
Then she opened up a book of poems
And handed it to me
Written by an Italian poet
From the thirteenth century
And every one of them words rang true
And glowed like burning coal
Pouring off of every page
Like it was written in my soul from me to you
Tangled up in blue.

 

All I could think of was…what sort of words were those?  And even more so, who wrote them?

I mean, as a person who loves poetry, I could absolutely agree that poetry, in all its forms, is the highest form of word-alchemy.

As well, I would be the first to agree that good poetry certainly can and does transcend time.

But I had to, absolutely had to… find out who was that ‘Italian poet from the thirteenth century’?

And no, I don’t think that anybody really knows.

As far as I can tell, Bob Dylan has never identified any particular poet as being the poet that he references…so I began to wonder if Dylan was just simply trying to convey some universally profound fact about love and human relationships, as well as something similar to what I just wrote up there about poetry being word-alchemy.

~~~

Cut to three years ago, I was in a large retail bookstore chain, just browsing, as I often do.

If you must know, I wasn’t even in the poetry section.  Because, as much as I love poetry, I hardly ever buy books of it.

So it was more than likely that I’d been skimming a Kingdom Hearts graphic novel with my kid, or trying to choose between two or three sci-fi/fantasy anthologies, or whatever, when ‘Tangled Up in Blue’ came up on the in-store music system.

I remember looking up from the book that I had been browsing, to see that someone had left a copy of Petrarchian love sonnets on the floor.

…and that exact verse – with line about an Italian poet from the thirteenth century – was the verse that was playing when I noticed that book on the floor.

And no, I didn’t buy the book.   I brought it back to the poetry section and left it there.

If I bought anything, I probably purchased an anthology of short horror stories and a comic book for my kid.

But when I got home, I Googled ‘Petrarch.’   Having been an English major in college, I did know that Petrarch was an Italian poet… and just as any English major who studied poetry, I was familiar with the Petrarchian sonnet.

What detail that I didn’t know, or likewise remember, was that Petrarch wrote most of those sonnets about love and loss…in the 13th century.

In that next week or so, I hemmed and hawed about this whole thing being  a ‘universal sign’…

 

But eventually I did purchase a book of Petrarchian love sonnets a few months later.

 

So.

Yes.

You may take it however you will, but that book of Petrarchian love sonnets is on my altar because of one particularly sneaky incidence of pandoramancy coinciding with a misplaced book.

🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amazed.

~~~

Thank You, my Beloved.

For everything

Today and Always

Two things.

First, I woke up with this song stuck in my head:

This song is so…80’s? 90’s? …even though it’s actually a new song from a band called Walk the Moon.

I love it already, probably because it has that jaunty hook of a chorus.

 As well, there was something nostalgic about it for me, even before I found myself Googling that obvious throwback of a video this morning.

Even though I cannot dance very well, somehow I wouldn’t doubt it if Someone was in the mood to dance this morning. ❤

~~~

And then, there was the fact that my friend Tracy posted this quote for me this morning:

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.

Delicious Ambiguity.”
― Gilda Radner

 

She used to use this icon that playfully stated that her daily goal was ‘to do Gods’ work’ at least once a day.

Well, Tracy.

I think that you did.

 

Today is Wednesday.

Out on my walk today, I’d been having thoughts about Mr. Wednesday.

And two songs immediately came up on shuffle from my playlist

One after the other

Both are by Fever Ray:

and