Month for Loki, Day 27: Social
So you’re a social drinker, eh?
Well, I know what that means; if you’re going to have a drink, then so shall I.
-Peanut, renowned gadfly/theatre critic
If you have been following this blog for any length of time, you may have noticed that I am prone to social anxiety. It is not something that I am proud of, but it is something that often affects my daily life. As a result, I’ve developed many coping strategies and behaviors over the years. Some of them are outward physically noticeable coping mechanisms that serve to help me function better when I find myself in anxiety-inducing situations, while others are inward psychological behaviors and patterns of thought-processing that help me through difficult mentally stressful situations.
However, I try as much as I can to function as normally as possible, but on a bad day, I am likely to avoid social interaction altogether.
Sometimes this desire to avoid social interaction will carry on for several days.
At times like that, I would almost welcome the chance to avoid.
But lately, more and more, I’ve been thrust into situations that make me anxious, but I am left to find a way through somehow anyway. These situations present themselves, and I am caught having to deal with exactly the sort of social situation that I’d more than likely rather avoid.
Today was just such a day. I was informed this morning that two acquaintances of mine (whom I do not know very well at all) were planning on stopping by my home later in the afternoon. Of course, I stressed about this, and was on edge all morning. I’m almost ashamed to admit that I had been practically avoiding them socially for over a month, but things converged last night somehow, and it became obvious to me this morning that I didn’t have a good excuse to avoid them for very much longer.*
Besides, they were only planning to stop by for an hour or two.
I started to think that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
So I buried myself in the activity of tidying up the house. I doubled up my dose on my anxiety meds (something I do with the OK of my physician, of course), and then I meditated and I exercised.
In short, I used every one of my physical coping strategies to prepare myself for that two hour window.
While I was out walking, I had an interesting moment of obvious pandoramancy, as this song came up twice in the music feed on my device:
Gods bless you, Frank Turner.
You seem to know exactly how I feel at times.
But then, you know what?
The situation with those visitors?
They never even showed up.
Perhaps tomorrow, they will…but I am ready to face them.
With a clean house and a clear, calm mind.
Hail Loki…for understanding the way I tend to be ❤
* There’s a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus, “Leave me the fuck alone” comes out as “Well, maybe. Sure. I guess I can see your point. – David Sedaris, A Friend in the Ghetto; from Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls