another ‘aha’ moment | bloodteethandflame

Tag: another ‘aha’ moment

Up on the Roof

Lately, I’ve been having some medical issues that cause me some pain, so as you might imagine, I haven’t been sleeping as well as I would like.

So, there I was, early this morning, feeling tired and a little miserable, and suddenly, my brain was overcome with an odd ear worm.

I honestly don’t know what could have triggered me to start thinking about this song as I lay there in the dark, silent house.

It wasn’t even a song that I liked – and even worse, I didn’t even know who sang it – but I couldn’t get this song to stop looping it through my head endlessly

At first, it was just the bright little lazy melody, and then I recalled some words:

When this old world starts getting me down,

And people are just too much for me to face…

It was ‘Up on the Roof’ by the Drifters.

(^^^ I had to Google that at 4 am)

And I will admit that it has been quite a while since I have had such a weird instance of pandoramancy.

But there you have it.

And once I found out who sang ‘Up on the Roof’ – it led me down a little bit of a nostalgic rabbit hole, which caused me to reach a few connections in my head.

It’s true that I have been able to relate to that message, as this old world *has* been getting me down, and I have been feeling a little emotionally overwhelmed lately.

While it was never one of my favorite songs, it was definitely one of my dad’s favorite songs…

He used to sing it out loud, often while he did yardwork, or while driving, and therefore, it definitely is a song that I could associate with my dad.

Sometimes, my dad would sigh heavily and then joke that he needed to get away, you know, I need to get up on the roof or something...but honestly, I never made that connection as to why he would say that he needed to get up on the roof after a hard day of working construction. (Which, ironically, sometimes required him to be up on a roof all day, working, so you can imagine why I would wonder, ‘why? Does he want to go back to work? 🤔 )

You see, my dad could be kind of a misanthrope, or even a curmudgeon, and yet, thinking it over, I realized suddenly that the song wasn’t so much about the singer being a misanthrope as much as it could be some gentle advice about taking a break when you’re feeling overwhelmed…

And you know what? Thinking on it, I realized that this past Sunday marked 17 years since my father passed away.

~~~

As well, this weird little circle-back thought occurred to me too, which recalled Rumi:

Well, I’ll take it.

April 20, 2021

Expectations

July 6, 2017

Month for Loki, Fifth: Signs.

Again, a member of a Lokean forum posted an interesting question today:

Has anyone felt moved to learn sign language for/because of Loki? (Do any of you sign btw?)

This question got me to thinking, as I hadn’t thought about it, much less admitted to anyone else that though Loki and I have been communicating non-verbally for a while now, I’ve never gone into much detail as to how we communicate.

In the summer of 2012 – which I consider the second beginning of my contact with Loki – any ‘communication’ I experienced with Him was almost entirely non-verbal: I first experienced His presence in dreams and meditations through particular sensations, and through association with sudden, lingering scents.

Then I started experiencing visuals of Him, but these visions only occurred in vivid dreams and during particularly intense meditations. Even in those vivid dreams, I rarely ‘heard’ His voice and more often than not, there was hardly ever any sound.

I’d begun to see references to the god-phone, but I didn’t think I had one.

The more I read about the ‘godphone’ concept, the more I began to feel that perhaps I wasn’t wired for such a thing. So, I accepted this, began to refer myself headblind, believing it was not possible for me to ‘hear’ Loki anyway. I felt confused and often wondered if what was happening between us was communication at all.

There was a long while wherein I dreamt of Him rather regularly, and while I would often feel sensations or even smell the scents I’d come to associate with His presence, on the rare occasion that I’d get a visual, He seemed to communicate by showing me objects, or indicating that I should observe His body language, or communicate concepts to me through hand gestures.

I felt that Loki ‘spoke’ to me only through sensations, scents and symbols, nudging me to make connections between seemingly unrelated objects, concepts and ideas.

And it was only later – sometimes months later – that I’d make the connections: What He’d shown me in dreams would appear later in a string of coincidences in my waking life: He’d been holding a bird, reading a book, or drawing me a symbol, and then later, I’d see flocks of those birds in my backyard, or see that symbol on a random bit of street graffiti, or I’d catch sight of that book displayed in a store window.

There’s nothing like that sudden inevitable sense of deja-vu. Where have I seen this before? Where have I heard of this before?

A good example of this is in 2013 – almost a year after my first exposure to the visuals, I realized He had been showing me mudras.

So, as you might imagine, it took me a long time to to figure out that Loki had been using sign language with me.

So, you can imagine my surprise to realize that, over the past three, perhaps four years, I have learned how to finger-spell and I have learned to recognize basic actions/concepts (signs for want, give, need, do, go, and love, for example)

Like the mudras, I thought these were particular and unique to the interactions between Loki and I.

But I didn’t realize the full extent of the meaning of that happening until last July, my family and I adopted a puppy.

And it turns out my puppy is deaf.

So in my research of learning how to communicate with my puppy, I feel that strange but exhilarating sense of discovery when I watch videos of hand signals -which are various extensions based upon American Sign Language – for different basic commands, such:

Listen to me.