bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Tag: another well-placed explosion to my comfort zone

Month for Loki, 4: Explosive

This is what it looks like when you’re trying to get pics of fireworks – and the mortar blows up in the tube

O.o

explodingfireworks2019

 

(We were OK though. )

Happy Fourth of July!

Month for Loki, Day 25: Mouth

One Word.

I know that this may come a little late, as it is nearly mid-February, but this is my second year of doing My One Word.

While last year’s word was definitely Allow, my realization of this year’s word proved to be more subtle… but no less profound than Allow had been.

Though, unlike Allow, I didn’t grasp my One Word as quickly this year.

Actually, this year’s word is actually a compound word:

Self-Love

I have come to realize that I have been avoiding working on the concepts associated with Self-Love for a rather long time.

Though, in late January, it became quite clear to me that as much as I thought that I’d done pretty well learning how to Allow myself to feel and to act (rather than react) and to build upon other shadow work I’d done over the last year, there was definitely an aspect of that Allow shadow-work that I’d been avoiding.

And I got the impression from Them that I could not afford to ignore that aspect anymore.

Thus, I discovered that Self-Love was the missing piece.

buddha_love_5240

 

~~~

Or, as They have often impressed upon me:

No one is going to love you exactly the way that you need to be loved, so you may as well learn to love yourself.

 

~~~

Tom Hiddleston reads Derek Walcott’s lovely poem, Love after Love:

 

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

~~~

 

On (not) meeting expectations.

I feel as if I have not been up to my normal posting standards during ‘Month for Loki’ this year.

I could hide behind the excuse that I made on 1 July that I began the month a little at loose ends because I was flying in to spend that first week of July in Washington DC….and anyone who has been following me for the last two years or so would be aware of the particular challenges that I have been facing every fscking time that I have visited DC since February 2013.

For those that may not know, the first week of July these past three summers has been rife with drama of an excruciating degree, usually involving my closest relationships.

Or, if I put it bluntly, my marriage.

But this year, I was lucky.  I reached the end of this past week feeling closer concerning all of my closest relationships, including my marriage(s).

Imagine that, despite the fact that for these last three summers, I have asked myself, what would the month of July be if not for a few well-placed explosions to my comfort zones?

And yes, there was still some excruciating drama that, ironically, exploded like gasoline-soaked fireworks on July 4th; there wasn’t any dispute of that.

The drama began, as it often does, with expectations.*

Luckily, I’ve become more than used to drama leading to challenges.

But I am a Lokean, after all, and so, for the first time in quite a while I found myself feeling energetically empowered by the challenges rather than defeated by them.

For that sense of empowerment, I’d like to thank Loki first and foremost, but there is also no doubt that I could not have succeeded in enjoying my D.C trip nearly as much  if not for the love and support of my kid, V, and several dear friends who, unfortunately, don’t read this blog on a regular basis.

And I’d certainly be remiss if I didn’t give sort of a shout-out to thank Dave Grohl and his band, the Foo Fighters, who – in quite a spectacularly Lokean manner – were the welcome catalyst for that…er, explosion that occurred on July 4th.

davegrohlshreds

(It was the Best of You, indeed.)

As much as I would like to say more about the workings of that catalyst, I have promised that I would trust Him and let things play out completely as they should.

Don’t want to fuck with my wyrd y’all.

 

And that, my friends, is why I haven’t been meeting my own posting expectations this month.

*

expectation