On (not) meeting expectations.

by beanalreasa

I feel as if I have not been up to my normal posting standards during ‘Month for Loki’ this year.

I could hide behind the excuse that I made on 1 July that I began the month a little at loose ends because I was flying in to spend that first week of July in Washington DC….and anyone who has been following me for the last two years or so would be aware of the particular challenges that I have been facing every fscking time that I have visited DC since February 2013.

For those that may not know, the first week of July these past three summers has been rife with drama of an excruciating degree, usually involving my closest relationships.

Or, if I put it bluntly, my marriage.

But this year, I was lucky.  I reached the end of this past week feeling closer concerning all of my closest relationships, including my marriage(s).

Imagine that, despite the fact that for these last three summers, I have asked myself, what would the month of July be if not for a few well-placed explosions to my comfort zones?

And yes, there was still some excruciating drama that, ironically, exploded like gasoline-soaked fireworks on July 4th; there wasn’t any dispute of that.

The drama began, as it often does, with expectations.*

Luckily, I’ve become more than used to drama leading to challenges.

But I am a Lokean, after all, and so, for the first time in quite a while I found myself feeling energetically empowered by the challenges rather than defeated by them.

For that sense of empowerment, I’d like to thank Loki first and foremost, but there is also no doubt that I could not have succeeded in enjoying my D.C trip nearly as much  if not for the love and support of my kid, V, and several dear friends who, unfortunately, don’t read this blog on a regular basis.

And I’d certainly be remiss if I didn’t give sort of a shout-out to thank Dave Grohl and his band, the Foo Fighters, who – in quite a spectacularly Lokean manner – were the welcome catalyst for that…er, explosion that occurred on July 4th.


(It was the Best of You, indeed.)

As much as I would like to say more about the workings of that catalyst, I have promised that I would trust Him and let things play out completely as they should.

Don’t want to fuck with my wyrd y’all.


And that, my friends, is why I haven’t been meeting my own posting expectations this month.