bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Tag: compersion

Month for Loki, Day 18: A Sort of Compersion

So, as you may know, I have been working on a ‘Keeping it 100 Project’ wherein I am trying to be more open about my life and practice these past few months – um, years! – and I’m pleased to say that it’s been going well enough.

And just as it had been with my ‘joy project’ – the world will open up to receive your joy – I have realized that people have been nothing but encouraging and supportive of me in this one of my latest endeavors.

As well, I’ve learned that I’ve nothing to lose except my fears.

This is not to say that I’ve become entirely fearless as of yet, but I am making great strides in letting go of some pretty heavy baggage associated with some of my most deeply embedded personal issues.

So, the other night, I was talking with a close friend of mine about the latest developments in my life and the positive changes that I have seen in my relationships.

Then we got to discussing some of the similarities inherent in our spiritual experiences, and she was expressing her wonder and joy at how nice it was to *finally* have someone (as well as several other people) with whom she can share her experiences.  Folks who would listen with an open mind, without judgment or rancor towards her struggles and who could celebrate the successes of walking her path.

Our paths are similar enough but rather than feeling a sense of competition or comparison with me or with others, she was casting about for a word to describe the supportive and encouraging sense of being accepted, supported and celebrated that she had been experiencing lately, that sense of flow between her and the members of her kindred.

She was saying that she finally felt that she’d found the members of her tribe.

And she felt the relief of finally being able to say

So I was telling her about a conceptual term that I had first learned of through polyamory(1) – and that is the concept of compersion.

Compersion can simply be defined as when you experience happiness when you witness another’s happiness.

While the term ‘compersion’ was originally meant to apply to situations associated exclusively with romantic relationships, in some cases, I think that sense of such deeply felt goodwill and supportive encouragement can also be applied to other relationships.

Why should compersion only be felt between lovers?

Why couldn’t such a profound sense of joy be mirrored between those within close friendships and even alliances between co-workers?

Compersion is not just superficial good wishes towards another’s success – it is a profoundly experienced sense of joy and contentment that is felt in tandem with another’s joy.

Compersion is a magnification of joy that flows outward.

Compersion is, in a lot of ways, the polar opposite of jealousy.

So we are feeling compersion when we bear witness to another’s joy, and we feel joy in response.

So that’s what I’m calling it from now on.

Spiritual compersion.

___

  1. pol·y·am·o·ry: noun; the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.

 

Joy, and derailment.

From Wikipedia:

A derailment is said to take place when a vehicle (for example a train) runs off its rails. This does not necessarily mean that it leaves its track. Although many derailments are minor, all result in temporary disruption of the proper operation of the railway system, and they are potentially seriously hazardous to human health and safety. Usually, the derailment of a train can be caused by a collision with another object, the mechanical failure of tracks, such as broken rails, or the mechanical failure of the wheels.

Also:

In psychiatry, derailment  is a thought disorder characterized by discourse consisting of a sequence of unrelated or only remotely related ideas. The frame of reference often changes from one sentence to the next.

In a mild manifestation, [this] is characterized by slippage of ideas further and further from the point of a discussion. Some of the synonyms given… are used by some authors to refer just to a loss of goal: discourse that sets off on a particular idea, wanders off and never returns to it.  In some studies on creativity…it describes a similarly loose association of ideas, [but] it is not considered a mental disorder, or the hallmark of one; it is sometimes used as a synonym for lateral thinking.

~~~

 

From Thursday, 18 February 2015:

I was feeling good.  I really was.

I was feeling as if a fog had lifted.  I was feeling that I was being seen and understood.  Things were good.

And then my friend, Phil called, wanting to talk.  Phil said that he had been concerned about me and he simply wanted to ‘check in’ with me.

We ended up getting in an argument over the historical accuracy of the show Vikings.

Now I must wonder if Phil might not be as aware of my spirituality as I had assumed.  While I’d thought that Phil was somewhat aware of the fact that I am a polytheist and a Pagan, it occurs to me that he might not given it much thought beyond that.  He was flippant and downright condescending towards the spiritual beliefs and culture of pre-Christian societies, including the Vikings.

(I cannot seem to think of the concept that I’m trying to convey here – the belief that one’s ancestors weren’t as intelligent or spiritually developed as those living in the modern age.  Edited to add: Urdummheit.  The concept is called Urdummheit.)

He made several comments about the Eddas as ‘being a stupid bunch of poems,’ and that ‘the Havamal is a poem that has no basis in reality’ when I pointed out the cultural relevance of both in giving insight to Viking society.  When I brought up Tacitus- since he was trying to make his point that his belief is that there is no historical record of Vikings being anything beyond what he was saying that they were – that is precisely where our conversation truly degenerated into something that was more contradiction than intellectual discussion.

We were talking about history, and the next thing you know, we were getting defensive with each other about the legitimacy of each other’s opinions.

And it disturbs me when that happens.  Initially, I’d felt the need to defend my point, but then I realized that I’d lost all patience to do so.

I haven’t any patience to educate you on my opinions today.

~~~

In an attempt to cheer myself up and focus on things more positive, I thought about my upcoming flight to Atlanta to visit another friend over the weekend of March 6th-8th.

Earlier in the day, my friend had texted me concerning my plans.

I allowed myself to feel good when I read about how excited and pleased she was for the opportunity to see me, as we hadn’t seen each other in several years.

When I realized that I had missed some of her recent responses, due to my being on the phone with Phil, I returned her call.

And she didn’t answer.

I had to remind myself that it was OK.  I had to remind myself that I was just feeling defensive and put off energetically by my phone call with Phil.

~~~

He asks me what is wrong.  I can’t even articulate it.

~~~

A friend posted something today – and I responded to it, but I probably should not have.

It dealt with something that I could relate to that Loki had said, about joy being one of the only things that impresses Him; the sense of presence, the joy of being in the moment is all He’d ever seek.  How He seeks energy, energetic presence that is pure, unadulterated by shame or guilt or guile.

This reminds me of the words that He has often said to me:

Just feel.  Just be.

 Do you know what you are?

You are light.  You are energy.  You are electricity.  You are fire in a bottle, contained.  

Shine on.

But, as is a human habit, I get hung up in negativity, in conceits, in an inability to see the opportunity, to allow myself the experience of the raw joy of being.

We squander it, I suppose, spending all of our time in making comparisons and in competition with each other rather than feeling compersion, or allowing ourselves connection.

Maybe that is the lesson.

If I am ever going to love him

I should just love him

and stop thinking of how I could do it better

or more profoundly

or whatever

and just love him

Just letting the light of what I am –just letting that love flow out of me.

Just be.  Just love.

It sounds woo-hippy-crazy, I know.

But I don’t care.

It’s difficult – but probably not nearly as difficult as I am making it out to be.

Let go of fear and open to love.