bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Tag: don’t like what I’ve come to but I might as well accept it

September 23, 2025

Apocalyptic

So I’ve heard it said that the world is ending…

Either *sometime* today (9/23) or sometime tomorrow (9/24)

[Or perhaps, even the day after that  on 9/25  — which also strikes me as totally appropriate as a fan of Douglas Adams, since 9/25 is a Thursday ]

But considering the way that things have been going in the United States and the world at large  — resulting from the various forms of political, environmental, and cultural chaos —

I will admit that I personally would look forward to the world ending for the following reasons:

  • My life hasn’t been going all that great – thanks to some increasingly debilitating medical issues affecting my physical, mental, and emotional health
  • Which, in turn, has led to me experiencing some particularly emotionally exhausting relationship issues (which some psychologists claim are disturbingly common for married women experiencing physically debilitating medical issues)
  • And hey, isn’t all this what is supposed to happen at the Autumn Equinox? How appropriate would that be if the whole world ended at the exact cosmic point in the year when one is spiritually tasked with letting go of all spiritual and communal detritus that limits individual and community growth to make space for a world that is new and better?
  • However, the ironic icing on this proverbial cake is that I look forward to this apocalypse simply because I’m scheduled to serve jury duty on Wednesday, September 24th, 2025, at 7:30 AM.

Before anyone comes for me, while I’ve long felt that jury duty is an important civic duty that I have always felt honored to perform as a citizen of a free and just society…

I hate to say that for the first time ever, I don’t want to serve jury duty simply because I am fscking tired *

I am physically, mentally, and emotionally overwhelmed by those first two stated reasons (three if you count the impact of overall US/World chaos that has been having on *everyone* right now)…and honestly?

Yes, I am exhausted in mind, body, and spirit.

(As is everyone else, obviously (*gestures at well, all of the world right now*))

So, all I’m saying is, maybe we should embrace this one.

Because it certainly feels due.

~~~

But I know that ultimately, it won’t, as tongue firmly planted in cheek, I present you with this little truth…

Oh, it’s definitely been more than 5 times for me – I was born in the 70s 🫩

So, yeah, folks, as a tired, frustrated, spent nearly 55-year-old human being living in this post-capitalistic hellscape…

I say

Bring

It

On.

So, to all of those armchair prophets and evangelical preachers: I can’t be the only one asking you to STOP with the predictions and the promises!

As well, though I know I’m at the risk of being slapped upside the head, I have a request for my sweetest friend and most patient teacher

Please please…End it already, won’t you?

Because I feel ready

#readyforRagnarok

_____

*Not to mention that for some bizarre reason, I have been summoned for jury duty (in Florida) every freaking year for the past five years.  (All civil/local cases) Though, this time is the second time I’ve been called this year because this past March was a civil case (which was cancelled at the last minute) but I have been selected to serve on a federal jury on 9/24 — but if I am selected, I can’t be summoned again for two years, thankfully. So, while I’m not tired of serving, I am sick of being summoned so often 😒

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December 31, 2024

Goodbye 2024

2024 was a difficult year for me, full of disappointments and featuring many surprising and terrible realizations and revelations about others, and about myself.

Perhaps that is why I have a feeling that 2025 is going to be a year of utter destruction and re-building for me.

But I am trying to remain hopeful, so here is my personal New Years’ wish for you, if you happen to be finding yourself in a similar situation:

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November 8, 2016

A thing about…Heather(s)

(From dream of 29 October:)

I was talking to Him about conduits, and He  was encouraging.

Then, suddenly…I heard V talking loudly.

So loudly, it woke me up.

I rolled over to look at V, and he had his eyes open.  

He seemed wide awake, and he seemed to be looking right at me.

Then, V said to me: 

“Just be me. Come… just be me.”

And that made no sense to me.

Then, V shut his eyes, and rolled over.

And even stranger – about 20 minutes later – V awakened, got out of the bed, and stumbled towards the toilet.

 Evidently V had no memory of what he’d said.

~~~

I don’t know why we talk about these things. 

Yes, I’m not certain as to how I feel about what He says about conduits.**

But I don’t like the part – the insinuation that I’m not sure if it’s an insinuation at all –  that I *must* consider these things, even if I don’t talk about it.

~~~

Years ago, I wrote that people named Heather are always conceited in some way. 

Heathers have a desire to be important.  

And I think about what He’d said during a recent meditation, concerning the reasons for performing seidhr.

And He had this to say about a Heather I used to know – that is, L.O.L*:

Heather wanted recognition from the community.

Meanwhile, I just wanted a community of people to with whom to connect.

~~~

But after dream-interactions like this, I ask myself:

Do I want something more?

Do I want more than to be seen?

I feel shame over wanting recognition at all. 

I feel selfish. 

I ask myself why.

I just want a quiet community where I don’t have to talk about things with others unless I want to.

But I do know something about myself and that is …

To check myself, I often feel the need to share my experiences:

Is this happening to you too? 

What does it mean? 

Does He want this from you too? 

What does it mean?

~~~

*(Local Other Lokean, named Heather)

** Edited to add.

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