stubborn | bloodteethandflame

Stubborn.

Though my intent is to write every day, sometimes I struggle to write about certain topics.

And this topic – and its array of sub-topics – is one of them.

How important is ritual? How important are offerings?

How – or why – would anyone do any of this? How important is it to do any of this?

And then, this article came across my feed this morning, and I immediately thought to share it.

Why?

Because this part especially, hit me hard:

“Have you ever heard about people who accomplish amazing things, and been jealous? I know I have. There are many ways to be successful. I’m not the prettiest, not the smartest, and definitely not the most talented or luckiest. But the one thing I have always been is as stubborn as the day is long – not in some petty way (mostly), but in the kind of way that makes me get up when life knocks me down.

I’m not the fair-haired hero. I’ve never been the chosen one. I’m that other guy. My power isn’t born of charm or good looks. I was born to wear a t-shirt that says, “it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.”(1)

We live in a cynical age where our fair-haired heroes have revealed themselves as paper cutouts, our leaders have sold themselves to the highest bidder, and the world gets less friendly every day. We wake up and go through the motions and wonder if there’s a damn thing we can do about it.

And you know what? There is.”

Because, much like Christopher Drysdale, I too, am as stubborn as the day is long.

And yes, I have been jealous of the success of others.

And yes, I have realized that I am not special nor am I particularly disciplined all of the time.

I have wished that my week could be stripped of Tuesday nights and Wednesday mornings, because sometimes, what I am doing is not easy nor is it particularly rewarding…

But then it is.

And when it is rewarding…when I look back at the trajectory of my Tuesday nights and Wednesday mornings

That is when I realize that that is the essence of why I do what I do, and why it is important that I keep doing.

You want the carrot…you gotta be stubborn.

You gotta chase the stick.

Happy Wednesday.

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April 20, 2016

A dark and scary place.

It has been a dark and scary place within my head these past few days.

It’s quite possible that I may be depressed, or perhaps, I am manic.

Either way, I have been stubborn and negative with those I love, and that has been especially true of my actions towards others today.

And for that, I am sorry.

Then, this image came across my Facebook feed:

This sculpture was created by Ukrainian artist Alexander Milov for Burning Man.

The Wealth of Wisdom on Instagram posted this description:

“One of the most powerful art pieces from Burning Man: A sculpture of two adults after a disagreement, sitting with their backs to each other. Yet, the inner child in both of them simply wants to connect. Age has many beautiful gifts but one we could live without is the pride and resentment that we hold onto when have conflicts with others. The forgiving free spirit of children is our true nature. Remember this when you feel stubborn.”

Here are the artist’s words concerning his powerful piece:

“It demonstrates a conflict between a man and a woman as well as the outer and inner expression of human nature. Their inner selves are executed in the form of transparent children, who are holding out their hands through the grating. As it’s getting dark (night falls) the children start to shine. This shining is a symbol of purity and sincerity that brings people together and gives a chance of making up when the dark time arrives.”

I took this as a message from the Universe, reminding me to be more mindful of my words and my actions towards others.

Today was not a good day.

I was hurting, and in response, I allowed my emotions to direct my words and fuel my actions.

I hurt others today.

I’m sorry to those I hurt today. While I cannot undo the damage that I have done, I am trying to forgive myself and face tomorrow more mindfully.

I can only hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

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March 5, 2014

The latest words that the Internet has offered me taste strange, but not unfamiliar.

Some days, I don’t have to look very far into the Internet, before I find a sneaky ton of bricks.

First, there’s these:

By our nature we are drawn to relationships because of the sweetness we actually crave to experience. But that is just what draws us in. Just as fruit draws us in to forward its own procreation, relationships draw us in by their own sweetness, so that we will come to the pit, experience breakdowns, discover ourselves and be forced to evolve, just as nature does.

Breakdowns are designed to happen. They are meant to happen for the purposes of our own evolution.

Garrison Cohen

How strange it is that a few days ago, I was talking with a friend, and I suddenly found myself unpacking emotions attached to an event that occurred in my past that I’d never allowed myself to feel, because the event was a source of anger and shame.

Sufficed to say, that unpacking led me to a realization that I did not like about a situation with which I am presently struggling. I’d like to say that now that I know of it, I’m not going to hide from it, but then again, I’m pretty stubborn.

Childish, even.

I do not want.

I will not go.

I refuse to move.

I did not move.

I don’t want to see.

I don’t want to know.

I am afraid.

I can’t, I said aloud, to Him, later that evening. It feels impossible.

And so, not too much later, I was surfing the web, avoiding my husband, and vacillating between tears and anger…

And I see:

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration, it’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.

Muhammed Ali

~~~~

I don’t feel better.

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bloodteethandflame

Tag: stubborn

October 11, 2017