A life in threes

Tag: subtlesauce

Questions and answers.

Have you ever played with the Ape of Thoth?

It’s a searchable database of Thelema texts – by verse and chapter, if one knows the number – but what makes it fun is that there is also a feature on the site that is a Thelemic text randomizer.

It’s pretty neat, actually.  You type/ask a question, and it brings up a portion of text from the books of Thelema as an answer.

Which makes it so much more interesting than the Magic 8-Ball these days.

So…I have an issue that is quite emotionally-laden for me, and I was having trouble keeping a clear head about things.

So I decided to ask the Ape of Thoth for some guidance, simply typing:


What to do? RE: LOKI


[And this was the answer:]


“Continuation. Further concerning occupation.

Let the devotee transmute within the alembic of his heart every thought, or word, or act into the spiritual gold of his devotion.
As thus: eating. Let him say: “I eat this food in gratitude to my Deity that hath sent it to me, in order to gain strength for my devotion to Him.”
Or: sleeping. Let him say: “I lie down to sleep, giving thanks for this blessing from my Deity, in order that I may be refreshed for new devotion to Him.”
Or: reading. Let him say: “I read this book that I may study the nature of my Deity, that further knowledge of Him may inspire me with deeper devotion to Him.”
Or: working. Let him say: “I drive my spade into the earth that fresh flowers (fruit, or what not) may spring up to His glory, and that I, purified by toil, may give better devotion to Him.”
Or: whatever it may be that he is doing, let him reason it out in his own mind, drawing it through circumstance and circumstance to that one end and conclusion of the matter. And let him not perform the act until he hath done this.
As it is written: Liber VII, cap. v. —
22. “Every breath, every word, every thought, ever deed is an act of love with Thee.
23. “The beat of my heart is the pendulum of love.
24. “The songs of me are the soft sighs:
25. “The thoughts of me are very rapture:
26. “And my deeds are the myriads of Thy Children, the stars and the atoms.” And Remember Well, that if thou wert in truth a lover, all this wouldst thou do of thine own nature without the slightest flaw or failure in the minutest part thereof.”


All I could think upon reading the above is – what remarkably specific advice – even if it doesn’t answer the question that I thought that I was asking.

But sometimes that happens.

Perhaps this is the connection in discovering the meaning of that phrase

Love is the movement that gives substance to the Will 



The Hypothetical Chicken Sandwich: a conversation.

Scene: A popular restaurant where I frequently have lunch.

(I am looking at the menu, and I realize much to my dismay that the restaurant no longer offers the version of chicken sandwich that I love.)

Me: (dismayed at the lack of my favorite chicken sandwich.)

L: But look!  There’s a new version of your chicken sandwich.

Me: I don’t want to try that new sandwich.  What if… I hate it?

L: Well.  Have you ever considered what if… you love it?

<trolls>Oh no…you just might! <trolls>

So.  I suggest that you try that sandwich.

Me: I might.

L: You should. *grins*

Me: (orders the sandwich)

L: ….

Me: OK.  I think…I think I love it.

L: *eyeroll* This is… My not-surprised face.


Me: Hopefully, in my next life, I’ll be more easygoing and cheerful.

L: Tell Me why you couldn’t be more easygoing and cheerful in this life.

Me: It’s too late.

L: It’s never too late to decide to be happy.


So, this seems to have become a thing.

‘Hypothetical chicken sandwich’ seems to be our conversational shorthand for a moment when I refuse to adapt or choose to fight an inevitable change:




Behold. A sneaky ton of bricks.

How strange that I was looking for something else on Google and this post (from a blog that I’ve never read before) just popped up.
But surprisingly, the message of this post is relevant to something that I had been thinking about quite recently.
It was as if the Universe were to say to me: “Hey. You there. Here’s a sneaky ton of bricks for you. Are you paying attention?”

Angel wings and Unicorns

Your days, your lives of hiding are over. There was a purpose to hiding your light in the past, but it is a new day. You are safe. The world is safe now for what you have to share. If you are in your balance of masculine and feminine, and you are trusting your wisdom and knowledge, which, if you are reading these words, you are trusting more and more, you will attract the right energies, the right people to you and your teachings.

No more excuses, that you are not ready, or you have issues, problems, or someone else is keeping you from your spiritual work. Many of you are walking your talk, and even so you have your moments of doubt. As long as we are human there will be doubts.

Your teaching may take the form of classes, writing a book, a website, a blog, art, music…

View original post 1,314 more words





Yes…. that would be me.

I may be stumbling, but I’m moving forward.


(Thanks to The Crone’s Grove for this image.)

Earnestly occupied, and fascinated

From I09:

If time is a fluid concept, then I should really watch what I say from now on.


Gods, how I love language.


And I can so see some of my Gods being all over this sort of business. 😉

It’s the house telling you to close your eyes.

While I was out walking today, this song – by a relatively new band, Of Monsters and Men – came up on my YouTube recommendations:



Those lovely, haunting female vocals belong to Nanna Bryndís Hilmarsdóttir, and the male vocals are from guitarist/singer, Ragnar  þórhallsson.


And what I discovered is that Of Monsters and Men hail from Iceland…and they have just started touring the US.

They are quickly becoming known for having a penchant for writing story-songs (full of jaunty, complex rhythms) which are sometimes sung in duets between Nanna and Ragnar, as showcased here.


There is a lot in this song that I can relate to…or at least a lot in there that is similar to my own present experience that I found myself relating to this morning.

Especially in the ‘little talks’ that I’ve been having between my insecurities and my fears that have led my brain into many a sleepless night.




This is what I meant to share on my Facebook wall:

From the Elephant Love & Relationships page:

“And I will love some of you with some of me, and then all of you with all of me, if you let me and if I let you, as we get to know. And I hope we each have the honor and pleasure to feel sad, together, and joy, together, and lust, together…and lunch on the lawn at Farmers’ Market, together. I like dumplings with too much hot sauce.”

Join,, get the book when it releases.”


Now I ask you:

Who does this sound like to you?


I dunno…Do you?


It is truly the Subtlesauce that sings!


So here goes….

Now won’t  you sing *that* fscking song with me?

Alll of mee loves all of yooouuu…





Month for Loki, Day 9: Eiwhaz

I learned something about Eiwhaz yesterday.


Eiwhaz is a rune of letting go.

Long ago, I got the message from Him, that it is my rune.

So, if that is true…then there is nothing more important than that for me to remember – Eiwhaz’s lesson is to allow change, to protect oneself, to defend oneself.

Of course, at the time that I was informed that I must learn this rune, it was a sort of Subtlesauce that I didn’t want to hear, that I didn’t want to know.

But yesterday, I was at a local mystical shop and I found Eiwhaz described as the ‘rune of the World Tree. A rune of letting go, protection, and transformation.’

And suddenly, it finally clicked in my head.  Funny that.

Eiwhaz is a rune of letting go.
Now I understand exactly why it was the first rune that came forward to teach me after He strongly suggested that I should begin studying the runes.

He said that I should study it until I was told to do otherwise, and so, that rune had sat on my altar ever since early 2013, well over a year ago.

It was my understanding that Eiwhaz should be my sole focus, a fixed point.


And, I am nearly ashamed to admit this, but I definitely had days wherein I would inwardly grouse about it: When could I learn another rune?  It’s not fair…I don’t understand….what am I supposed to understand?  Why?

I pouted.

I whined.

And His response was to steeple His fingers, and regard me with a raised eyebrow, followed by an almost grim, implacable facial expression.

Between the two of us, I don’t know who was more frustrated.

So, that spring, I sent money to a well-respected spirit-worker that I’d met the summer before, and I ordered a custom set of runes that were to be made of ash wood.

And I waited.

And waited.


For six fucking months.



I got so tired of waiting for that order, that I gave up in disgust, and ordered a cheap wooden set off of eBay.


They were made of ash all right, but instead of being carved as I’d been led to believe by the seller, the runes were written on the blanks






There are no words for how I felt about that.

Sangry would be a good term, I guess.

But, that August, I was surprised.

I received a package from the spirit worker.

He sent me a rune set of semi-precious stones retailing for $75 -to make up for the fact that I’d gone six months, with no explanation as to why I’d never received the wooden runes that I’d ordered.

He apologized profusely in a nicely worded letter, explaining at length his frustration and disbelief  about how the wood that he had been attempting to use to make the blanks kept splitting and warping, making the blanks unusable for runes.

He informed me that he’d attempted to cut the ash blanks with intent for my set on three separate occasions in the last six months, so he hoped that I’d accept the stone set as adequate compromise, with his apologies.
But when I poured the runes out of the bag to examine them –  I was immediately disconcerted to see that the Eiwhaz rune – carved into a tumbled stone of bright yellow jasper –  was broken in half.

(I never asked for a replacement simply because it was customer service recovery.)


But I studied Eiwhaz, anyway.

At least, I thought that I was.

I created a daily prayer for Eiwhaz, asking for – and trying to manifest – connection, protection, and transformation.

To be honest, even though I had convinced myself that I understood Eiwhaz on a few basic levels, looking back on my stubbornness, I realize now that I hardly knew what I was asking for.

(And, not surprisingly, He seemed to think that I should be working harder to figure that shit out.   And rightfully so, I suppose.)

Then, in February 2014, I had the blind ignorance to ask Him what rune I should be using to represent myself  in the bind rune that I was creating for us.

He drew the rune from the box, and pronounced it with a flourish, and a mysterious smirk.



And of course, I gasped, and proceeded to whine and roll my eyes about the fact that, of course it is Eiwhaz…why is it always Eiwhaz?

I don’t understand WHY….!!

What’s wrong with Eiwhaz?  He seemed mildly annoyed, eyebrows raised.

But His tone made it obvious to me that the subject was immutable.  Not open to debate.

He then gave me the Holy Bitch Face, and sighed: Don’t ask questions that you don’t want answered – as He drew the rune, Kenaz – for Himself – and suggested that I find a way to incorporate them together.


In March, I embroidered our bindrune on the altar cloth for His altar.
In June 2014, I inked our bindrune on my body.


Two weeks later, as He traced his fingers on the ink, He asked where the flames were.

There should be flames, He said.

Blood, teeth…and flames, my dear.


But it was not until yesterday that I had ever seen it come up that Eiwhaz was a rune of Letting Go.

Funny that.


It all comes back to Eiwhaz.
That’s my problem…that’s my work…of course, Eiwhaz would be, should be my sole focus.

Because, you see, I have so much trouble letting go.

So, it’s no wonder, really, that… it’s Eiwhaz.

It would have to be.

What other rune could there be?

Of course, Eiwhaz is MY rune.


So all I’ve got to say to Loki today is…

I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to figure it out, Simple Dog that I am…




Point taken, Sir.