bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Tag: thoughts

Two.

 

 

On June 11th, 2016, my husband and I went to see Frank Turner at the Beacham, a very small local club in Downtown Orlando:

gogolbordello

 

As I recall, we had stopped for dinner before the show, and thus, we had parked a good walk from the Beacham itself.

But it was a nice night, not too humid, good for walking, so we did not mind.

And as we were walking down the sidewalk, we happened to pass by another local nightclub.

I remember looking at the nondescript black and white sign with its simple logo – a large letter P – and I remember that my husband and I joked that here was another tiny nightclub whose sign looked larger than its building.

We wondered if that night club was as small a club as the Beacham was, and then we kept walking toward the Beacham, which my phone’s GPS had calculated was about 1.7 miles from there.

As you can see above, The Beacham’s lineup that night featured Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls, followed by Gogol Bordello. (There was also an opening act at 6 pm, that isn’t listed there: Walter Screifels – I thought his set was surprisingly mellow and acoustic for a musician listed as being a ‘hardcore alternative/punk musician’)

Though we arrived in time to see Walter Screifels’ set, and definitely enjoyed Frank Turner’s performance, Frank and his band had done the last encore by 8:50 PM*

(*i.e; by punk standards, that was still rather early on a Saturday night!)

I remember being unsure if we were going to stay to see Gogol Bordello, who were slated to be onstage by 9:00PM.

But my husband had had a tough work-week of long hours and a very long day already, as a late Friday night server meltdown had bled into his working earlier into that afternoon.

So when we walked out into the tiny lobby to see that even more people had arrived, cramming themselves into an already overcrowded front room, my husband sighed

….and we decided right then, that we weren’t going to stay to see Gogol Bordello.

So we went home and went to bed.

And when I woke up on the morning of June 12th, the first news I heard was that there’d been a shooting at a local Orlando nightclub…

And 50 people were injured, perhaps dead….

The nightclub?

Pulse.

That same little nightclub that we’d joked had a sign bigger than its building – at 1912 South Orange Ave:

pulsememorial

And the first thing I thought was – if we had stayed to see Gogol Bordello…

We would have walked right past there, on the way to our car…

Likely either during… or just after the shooting.

And that is why my cell was blown up with calls.

People wondered if we were all right. People were worried.

~~~

We were heartbroken that morning two years ago.

And still breaks my heart even now, to think of that morning.

But a friend of mine – Brandon – wrote this morning:

“But even as I did begin to rise and start my day, I remind myself that although we are another year separated from that morning, those of us that can remember that morning only do so because we have been given the gift of another morning ourselves. We remember the lives that were cut short, and live our lives to honor those that were ended too soon. We heal, but we keep the scars as reminders of what happened. The world may dwell in hate, but love will always win. Let your actions be guided by love and wear your scars proudly for the world to see.

You are here at the start of a moment.

It is my sincere hope, my prayer, that in our lifetimes there will be a generation that does not know hate, only love. And it will be our responsibility to show them why that love is so important and to never take it for granted. Never take love for granted.”

~~~

And then this past Sunday, I had the wonderful opportunity to see Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls perform again:

 

Like Brandon, and like Frank…

I hope that we could all learn to be a little more kind.

 

 

 

 

3 Thoughts for Empaths Who Are Feeling Drained

“…When you’re feeling overwhelmed, like you have given all your energy out to others and need to recharge yourself, always remember:

1.) You deserve happiness; take time for yourself
2.) Your feelings are no less important than anyone else’s
3.) We are all connected – when you hurt yourself you are hurting others”

(Taken from this article by Hilary Gerstler)

Meditations, Magenta, and Metaphors.

I know that I am rather behind on Cauldrons and Cupcakes’ Weekly Journal project.

I believe that we are in Week 4, but my depression and social anxiety has been hitting me hard in the past few weeks, and I will definitely admit that I’ve been struggling more than usual with my daily routines.  Therefore, I’m not posting as much.

As well, as much as I’d intended to post my weekly process in this project, I haven’t been… but I have been doing the meditations and journaling.

It’s been helpful.

This past Sunday, I listened to the meditation for Week 2, and I received

The color: Magenta

The words/phrase: You can’t go back- only forward.  Do not be afraid.

…and I drew the oracle card, The Hare.

~~~

Magenta: Passion.  Creativity.  Confidence. Sexuality.

I do think about the past- how I used to allow myself to feel so readily, and how it is not so easy now because of how I feel about my body.

When I think of the color magenta, I especially think of passion and body confidence.

During the meditation, I also felt nudged to associate this color with the intersection between sexuality and spirituality.

It is a warm, passionate color that has playfulness about it that especially reminds me of when my sexuality was uncomplicated and fun and I had the confidence to move and enjoy and I felt better about my body.

I wonder how to get back to that sense of passion and body confidence.

With this in mind, I am trying to re-discover it by taking better care of my body.  I am trying to do less comfort-eating and engage in more exercise and physical activities.

Such as this morning, it felt good to weed my front garden.  I’d felt guilty as weeding always makes me feel as if the land-wights are upset that I am tearing out all the plant life in my gardens almost to the point of barrenness.  (Barren because I’ve yet to replace the hedges that I removed last summer with any flowers, and so nothing but weeds has been growing in those narrow dirt patches where the hedges used to be.)

For this reason, I am often overwhelmed (or likewise reluctant) to begin weeding — but once I do begin, I reach a good rhythm in my work.  Soon enough, I’ve worked up a good sweat in the Florida sun, but I do not notice the intensity of my efforts until I’ve begun to see droplets falling into the soft, dark soil.  I am perspiring freely into the dirt.  Perhaps this is my offering – the sweat of my work as I clear away the weeds, deadfall, and other withered debris around my single rose bush and heather.   The heather is rather large now and I have had to cut it back several times due to its growth.  I feed both the rose-bush and the heather regularly enough that it’s quite possible if I left those two plants alone, they might take over the rest of the garden…if the weeds’ root-systems didn’t often choke them out.

Perhaps the front garden could be a metaphor for my life right now: The beauty of my garden is only found in one neat little corner while the rest is either choked with weeds or barren of growth.

But if joy (ie, the flowers) were allowed to flourish, that joy just might overtake everything.

IMG_0613

Magenta is the color of passionate growth,as the blooms of the rose-bush are light pink edged in varying shades of dark pink, or magenta.