From Wikipedia:
A derailment is said to take place when a vehicle (for example a train) runs off its rails. This does not necessarily mean that it leaves its track. Although many derailments are minor, all result in temporary disruption of the proper operation of the railway system, and they are potentially seriously hazardous to human health and safety. Usually, the derailment of a train can be caused by a collision with another object, the mechanical failure of tracks, such as broken rails, or the mechanical failure of the wheels.
Also:
In psychiatry, derailment is a thought disorder characterized by discourse consisting of a sequence of unrelated or only remotely related ideas. The frame of reference often changes from one sentence to the next.
In a mild manifestation, [this] is characterized by slippage of ideas further and further from the point of a discussion. Some of the synonyms given… are used by some authors to refer just to a loss of goal: discourse that sets off on a particular idea, wanders off and never returns to it. In some studies on creativity…it describes a similarly loose association of ideas, [but] it is not considered a mental disorder, or the hallmark of one; it is sometimes used as a synonym for lateral thinking.
~~~
From Thursday, 18 February 2015:
I was feeling good. I really was.
I was feeling as if a fog had lifted. I was feeling that I was being seen and understood. Things were good.
And then my friend, Phil called, wanting to talk. Phil said that he had been concerned about me and he simply wanted to ‘check in’ with me.
We ended up getting in an argument over the historical accuracy of the show Vikings.
Now I must wonder if Phil might not be as aware of my spirituality as I had assumed. While I’d thought that Phil was somewhat aware of the fact that I am a polytheist and a Pagan, it occurs to me that he might not given it much thought beyond that. He was flippant and downright condescending towards the spiritual beliefs and culture of pre-Christian societies, including the Vikings.
(I cannot seem to think of the concept that I’m trying to convey here – the belief that one’s ancestors weren’t as intelligent or spiritually developed as those living in the modern age. Edited to add: Urdummheit. The concept is called Urdummheit.)
He made several comments about the Eddas as ‘being a stupid bunch of poems,’ and that ‘the Havamal is a poem that has no basis in reality’ when I pointed out the cultural relevance of both in giving insight to Viking society. When I brought up Tacitus- since he was trying to make his point that his belief is that there is no historical record of Vikings being anything beyond what he was saying that they were – that is precisely where our conversation truly degenerated into something that was more contradiction than intellectual discussion.
We were talking about history, and the next thing you know, we were getting defensive with each other about the legitimacy of each other’s opinions.
And it disturbs me when that happens. Initially, I’d felt the need to defend my point, but then I realized that I’d lost all patience to do so.
I haven’t any patience to educate you on my opinions today.
~~~
In an attempt to cheer myself up and focus on things more positive, I thought about my upcoming flight to Atlanta to visit another friend over the weekend of March 6th-8th.
Earlier in the day, my friend had texted me concerning my plans.
I allowed myself to feel good when I read about how excited and pleased she was for the opportunity to see me, as we hadn’t seen each other in several years.
When I realized that I had missed some of her recent responses, due to my being on the phone with Phil, I returned her call.
And she didn’t answer.
I had to remind myself that it was OK. I had to remind myself that I was just feeling defensive and put off energetically by my phone call with Phil.
~~~
He asks me what is wrong. I can’t even articulate it.
~~~
A friend posted something today – and I responded to it, but I probably should not have.
It dealt with something that I could relate to that Loki had said, about joy being one of the only things that impresses Him; the sense of presence, the joy of being in the moment is all He’d ever seek. How He seeks energy, energetic presence that is pure, unadulterated by shame or guilt or guile.
This reminds me of the words that He has often said to me:
Just feel. Just be.
Do you know what you are?
You are light. You are energy. You are electricity. You are fire in a bottle, contained.
Shine on.
But, as is a human habit, I get hung up in negativity, in conceits, in an inability to see the opportunity, to allow myself the experience of the raw joy of being.
We squander it, I suppose, spending all of our time in making comparisons and in competition with each other rather than feeling compersion, or allowing ourselves connection.
Maybe that is the lesson.
If I am ever going to love him
I should just love him
and stop thinking of how I could do it better
or more profoundly
or whatever –
and just love him
Just letting the light of what I am –just letting that love flow out of me.
Just be. Just love.
It sounds woo-hippy-crazy, I know.
But I don’t care.
It’s difficult – but probably not nearly as difficult as I am making it out to be.
Let go of fear and open to love.
❤
First, I woke up with this song stuck in my head:
This song is so…80’s? 90’s? …even though it’s actually a new song from a band called Walk the Moon.
I love it already, probably because it has that jaunty hook of a chorus.
As well, there was something nostalgic about it for me, even before I found myself Googling that obvious throwback of a video this morning.
Even though I cannot dance very well, somehow I wouldn’t doubt it if Someone was in the mood to dance this morning. ❤
~~~
And then, there was the fact that my friend Tracy posted this quote for me this morning:
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.”
― Gilda Radner
She used to use this icon that playfully stated that her daily goal was ‘to do Gods’ work’ at least once a day.
Well, Tracy.
I think that you did.
❤
Eleven months ago….
Yes. ❤
Thank You for asking.
How strange that I was looking for something else on Google and this post (from a blog that I’ve never read before) just popped up.
But surprisingly, the message of this post is relevant to something that I had been thinking about quite recently.
It was as if the Universe were to say to me: “Hey. You there. Here’s a sneaky ton of bricks for you. Are you paying attention?”
Your days, your lives of hiding are over. There was a purpose to hiding your light in the past, but it is a new day. You are safe. The world is safe now for what you have to share. If you are in your balance of masculine and feminine, and you are trusting your wisdom and knowledge, which, if you are reading these words, you are trusting more and more, you will attract the right energies, the right people to you and your teachings.
No more excuses, that you are not ready, or you have issues, problems, or someone else is keeping you from your spiritual work. Many of you are walking your talk, and even so you have your moments of doubt. As long as we are human there will be doubts.
Your teaching may take the form of classes, writing a book, a website, a blog, art, music…
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Lately, I have been suffering from a lot of social anxiety.
As a result, I haven’t been feeling up to venturing very far from home, unless it is an absolute must.
Today, I resolved to go beyond my routine of just walking my dog, and actually go out in public and allow myself to be around other people for a change.
It all began with my having promised a friend that I would participate in a Christmas gift drive that she began coordinating last week, so I went out to purchase the gifts that she’d requested.
I’d also promised my kid that we’d visit our favorite bookstore while we were out this afternoon, and so, off we went.
~~~
We looked through several stores, but we saved the bookstore visit for last.
So there we were in the bookstore, and we were perusing the gift book tables.
While zie kept busy looking at comic books (hir favorite), a book caught my eye.
In this book, a Maya Angelou quote seemed to jump out at me:
Then, a peculiar thing happened.
Even though I’d heard/read that quote before – and even though the part about changing one’s attitude should have struck me as personally relevant – I smirked and muttered aloud,
“Well we all know that I have problems with change, so…”
But before I could even finish that sentence, I turned
And I immediately stubbed my toe hard against the table.
Then, upon backing away from the table,
I stumbled over the corner of another book display
that jutted out at an odd angle into the middle of the aisle.
O.0
~~~
OK.
Point taken, Sir.
Lesson learned.
❤
This week has been difficult, and full of complex emotions, especially regarding my closest relationships.
Upon leaving the house this morning, this song was the first to come up:
…which struck me as a clue-by-four concerning one of my particularly thorny yet relevant relationship issues.
After some deep breaths, I realized that I might as well let the song play through. It’s not like my issues have ever gone away simply because I’ve chosen to ignore them.
(I can only do that for so long, no thanks to pandoramancy.)
But there is something to be said for Meg Myers’ raw howl in the final chorus, as if she has become aware of the same unavoidable truth as I have.
But I embrace it.
He is in my heart…
and my head…
even though that truth rattles me to the core today.
❤
…
There is so much that I often think that I might want to write about, but then again, things have been so strange, sometimes I think that it would be best to keep certain aspects of what has been happening to myself.
So, in its place, things such as this happen, and it makes a good filler for something else:
The white candle on my Loki altar had a thick clump in its wick this morning.
It was shaped like the Elder Futhark rune, Algiz (a Y intersected by a third stave):
….or perhaps a figure with its arms raised upright.
When I lit the candle, the wick flamed up very high, and the the three prongs of the wick were striated with a swirling orange glow, as the flame sputtered and danced about.
As I watched it burn, I meditated on the various interpretations of Algiz (or Elhaz)
“Elk-sedge” – (Z, or -R) – Protection, Shield. Wards, or guardians.
-Connection with higher self, or connection to gods; an awakening.
– Can be used to channel energies appropriately, or to protect or to hold a position that has been won or earned.
Then I blew out the candle, and the wick slowly shrank and curled downward a bit, as if the wick was a figure with arms lowered
…or perhaps, a person holding arms outward, as if to embrace another.
Or…maybe I am just overthinking, hmmm?
Love wants to reach out and manhandle us,
Break all our teacup talk of God.
If you had the courage and
Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights,
He would just drag you around the room
By your hair,
Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world
That bring you no joy.
Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly
And wants to rip to shreds
All your erroneous notions of truth
That make you fight within yourself, dear one,
And with others,
Causing the world to weep
On too many fine days.
God wants to manhandle us,
Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself
And practice His dropkick.
The Beloved sometimes wants
To do us a great favor:
Hold us upside down
And shake all the nonsense out.
But when we hear
He is in such a “playful drunken mood”
Most everyone I know
Quickly packs their bags and hightails it
Out of town.
(translated by Daniel Ladinsky)
~~~
Hail to that Sneaky Ton of Bricks Himself
❤
bloodteethandflame 