bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Tag: borrowing mundane faces

Month for Loki, Day 31: Moonshine.

 

 

 

strawberrymoonshine

Last night, I got quite drunk off this strawberry moonshine, and had some incredible loving.

Then, this morning, I woke up with a killer hangover (possible ‘bangover’, too.)

My gods, the nausea, the headache was almost too much to bear.  Almost.

I think that I might have been grateful to go back to bed once the MS got up for work at 8:00AM.

Oddly enough, it seemed that I may have still been drunk (or still feeling the effect of my drunkeness) because I definitely remember stumbling into the bathroom around 6:00AM.  (My pre-disposition to kidney stones has made it so if I have to go, it is painfully uncomfortable if I do not.)

(All I can say is that things still looked/felt wobbly and hazy, which is unusual.  It’s not as if I had that much.)

Right then I felt as if I was sweating out -my body temperature felt abnormally high, and I felt as if I had taken a ten-minute afternoon vacation to Panama at the height of summer.

And even though I don’t know how I did it, I vaguely recollect that I checked in on my kid and I did somehow get Loki a cup of coffee.

Then I remember drinking two large glasses of water and then collapsing on the couch in my living room….and I’m not ashamed to admit that that couch suddenly felt like the coolest side of  every pillow ever.

I woke up to go to the bathroom again at some point, drank more water, and then I must’ve  climbed into bed in my bedroom.  I don’t remember going to the bedroom again, nor do I remember seeing my MS get up to go to work, but he obviously went to work.

~~~~

What followed after 8:00 AM featured some very vivid hangover fever-dreams, complete with changing positions often because I kept waking up to find myself completely entangled in the bedsheets.

Meanwhile, I think that it is safe to assume that these dreams weren’t entirely unpleasant because I do remember talking to Loki somewhat, and there was a lot of trance-talk combined with a lot of sensually triggering imagery and sensation.  There was much intensity and even more conversation over some specifically detailed philosophical concepts, and I think that the dream-Loki thought it was all very amusing.

I woke up several times, very much aware of my own liminally-aroused state, and often well-aware that I had been talking and reacting loudly enough to wake myself up  O.o

(While this is not something that I didn’t know, I still felt an embarrassed sort of shame that I was being so…noisy.)

So, in short, my oddly self-aware yet half-drunken state led to a philosophical sex-magickal interaction between Loki and I.

~~~

I gather that He and I talked about other topics too, as I found out later that I had confused a conversation that I’d had with V last night about plans for the weekend with a conversation that I’d obviously had with Loki this morning.

Case in point, I seemed to have thought that V and I had had a conversation about smoking* last night because I remember talking about how I’d wanted to smoke and V was the person that I distinctly remember talking to about that.

And in that remembered conversation, I remember that  V had teased me about hiding my stash and even jokingly admonished me for holding out on him, because didn’t I know how much he enjoyed smoking with me?

So I thought/remembered that V was insisting that we should smoke last night to celebrate the ending of the month.

But when I asked V later this morning why he wanted to smoke last night – a weekday night – when he usually insists upon waiting until the weekend–

V just looked at me blankly, and said,

“We can smoke if you want — but I don’t think that we talked about that at all – last night, or ever.”

O.O

So.  I guess that this means that Loki is back to borrowing V’s face and form to convey Himself in dreams…as my husband.

And so I imagine that that means Loki wants me to smoke with Him in celebration of the end of the month.

Well-played, Sir…well-played.

Though, to note, usually Loki isn’t that obvious in His directives to me.  Or rather, He hasn’t been so direct with me in quite a while.

Nonetheless, the point is taken.

~~~

Hail to Loki, Who is not above borrowing mundane faces ❤

 

*(And P.S.A: Lay off the strawberry moonshine, kids!  And quite possibly, the dream-discussion of entheogens…)

~~~

 

 

 

 

Month for Loki, Day 23: And…He’s wonderful.

He’s like fire and ice and rage.

He’s like the night, and the storm in the heart of the sun.

He’s ancient and forever.

He burns at the centre of time and he can see the turn of the universe.

And…He’s wonderful.”

    -Tim Latimer, about the Doctor

Doctor Who, BBC series

Season 3, Episode 9: The Family of Blood

Month for Loki, Day 10: Faces of Loki

It is late.

I’m thinking about sleep.

Or rather, I’m trying to meditate.

Sometimes, they seem to be one and the same somehow.  Both states seem to begin when my thoughts start to feel hazy and my body feels…strange.

At the end of a particularly trying day, I simply have to look up and let it go.

Sometimes I will imagine His warm hands upon my head.  Someone once told me that He comes to me when I am sleeping because that is the only time that I’ll let my guard down completely.  Perhaps I am more open then.

Sometimes I decide that I must stop thinking about how the pillows are so soft and inviting;  how my head just sinks into them.

Truly, my favorite part of the day is resting with my head on those pillows and looking toward the altar by my bed, trying visualize His face, or admiring His handsome face with that wry smile, stitches and all, as depicted in the artwork on my altar.

Sometimes when I’m drifting off, I’ll see Him in my mind’s eye for a few moments.

Sometimes He’ll look like Viggo Mortensen, but with long red hair.

Sometimes, His hair is short and He looks like a cartoonish version of Himself with a simple face, bright green eyes, and impossibly red hair.

And still other times, He will look like someone I’d never expect – like Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins, or Ryan Gosling – and will have dark brown or blonde hair.

Sometimes He’ll even look like what one would imagine that a 11th century Viking warrior would look like – with a fur cloak and an embroidered shirt, leather britches and simple boots tied round with narrow strips of leather.  He’ll have braids in His hair and beard, and He’ll be wearing an arm ring and a dagger in His belt.

He is funny that way: He never looks like I would expect at the time.

 

But more often than not, I will just feel Him – light touches on my head, or on the side of my face, on the back of my neck, or on my tattoos.  I will sense the heaviness of His presence, or the surrounding air will feel charged with electricity.

Sometimes I will whisper to Him aloud, though most of the time, I will simply think inwardly what I am going to say.

Often, I fall asleep, chanting my words.

Sometimes I will call Him Beloved.

(Because He is.)

I will tell Him about my day, or I will simply ask that I would dream of Him, even though I rarely remember my dreams – so I’m not certain if or how often He has obliged me.

A connection.

Here’s the end of November, and as you may know, most of the time that I tried to write about Odin, the posts…got eaten by the interwebz.

Except for maybe, two.

Was it inevitable?  Probably.

But, I have to write about this before the end of November; before I forget.

You know, I meant to write about this the other day (Monday, November 19th) because I went to a concert at the House of Blues with my oldest kid.

It was a metal show, by the way, because we share a love for metal music, my oldest son and I.

Lamb of God was the main show, along with Hatebreed and In Flames.  The opener was an excellent band named…Sylopsis <–(something like that.  I hate to think that I can’t remember the opener band’s name exactly, but they were not listed on the bill.  That is so sad, because they were quite good.)

Now, how does this relate to Odin?  Well, others may disagree, but I’ll tell you this.   Almost as soon as I started really researching the lore — and that would be about two or three years ago — I had a lot of metal on my iPod, Lamb of God included.

And I’ve no doubt that the gods can and do try to get through to us through such ordinary channels as the music that we listen to.

Or at least, in my case, I do know that the first time that I ever heard Lamb of God’s Descending, all I could think of was… Odin.

The drums, the wavering, dark thrumming of the opening notes that launches into the lyrics sung in low, almost guttural voice, conjuring up imagery in my mind of one being bound and hung by knowledge…someone seeking what has been lost…

The visual began as a dark and powerful one, a vision of a man who hung from a great height, his arms extended, hands scrabbling for something that lay broken in pieces below him, just out of his reach.

He struggles to remain conscious, to make sense of the dizzying vision of those pieces, and I see his fingers straining to gather them up… because to touch them, to hold them in his hands would be to begin to understand them…

And this song seemed to play over and over on my iPod, almost intrusively, throughout those days.

Descending became an almost unshakeable ear-worm for me.

Hearing that song could call up the wind and the darkest clouds to surround me and haunt me and my thoughts on the sunniest day.

It was the most unsettling song, always stopping me in my tracks, and yet I would never think to click the shuffle tab to get past it every time it came up.

But anyway, that song is by Lamb of God.  A groove/thrash/dark/new metal band from Richmond, VA.  They’ve been around since 1990 or so.

And, while Descending isn’t the only song that I like by LoG — there are several more that I had become familiar with before it — Descending has become the one song that I have always, undoubtly associated with He Who  hung from the tree for nine days; He Who sacrificed Himself to Himself for wisdom and won the runes.

But sadly, I knew that Lamb of God wasn’t going to play Descending on Monday night.  Even if I’d heard that they hardly ever play it, I secretly hoped that they would.

They played other songs, of course – Walk with me in Hell, Now You’ve Got Something to Die for, Omerta, Black Label — and the crowd was a rollicking, energetic mosh pit from the front of the stage all the way back to the stairs, and my oldest son, his friends, and I, were within that mass of rough, human energy and movement for a good long hour and a half.

But I had another surprise — and it was an interesting one I might add — in lieu of hearing Descending, I noticed their bassist, instead:

This is John Campbell, bassist, and one of the original members of Lamb of God.

Doesn’t he kind of remind you of Someone?

(Gandalf, maybe? <–as my oldest son said.)

Or perhaps, the One whom Tolkien based Gandalf the Grey upon — which is actually the Old Man/ Wanderer himself.

😀