bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Tag: music

Definitely.

To put it bluntly, I have been having a rough time as of late.

I tried posting about it, but for some reason, WordPress kept erroring out, so here goes another post.

 

We will see what happens.

I sense that there’s another complete overhaul of my life coming.

~~~

I woke up this morning with an earworm, that if nothing else, shows me to be a child of the 80’s:

 

(And just to note, it’s more like ‘at 4:00 AM’ rather than ‘at the midnight hour’ — but other than that, most things about this experience are about the same, relatively speaking.)

~~~

 

Goodbye July: Leaving this final thought

So today is August 1st, and July 2014 was quite an intense month for me personally and emotionally, even if I didn’t blog about it as frequently as I’d intended.

It was definitely a Month for Loki, and it definitely involved several major lessons in my life.

And I woke up this morning with this song stuck in my head, only to find that Epix was playing Pink’s concert from February 2013, and this song was one of her encores:

 

So, with that in mind, I leave July

 

and begin August with a final thought

 

that no matter what happens, I must not forget —

 

Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me

 

~~~

Point taken, Sir ❤

 

Month for Loki, Day 12: Lightning

I walked to the grocery store today, to pick up something for dinner.

It had begun to rain shortly before I left, so I was unusually prepared for once, and I brought my umbrella.

So there I was walking under my umbrella, listening to my iPod, and thinking about what sort of meat that I should buy for dinner…

And next thing I know, I do believe that I came extremely close to being struck by lightning.

 
I was listening to Marilyn Manson’s cover of ‘Personal Jesus’* on my iPod —

 

and right at that final chorus of Reach out and touch faith

 

–I saw a bright flash and I felt a brief electric shock that made my hand go numb.

I dropped my umbrella, frightened, and looked up as I heard the after-rumble.

 

 

Right then, Led Zeppelin’s ‘Immigrant Song’ began to play on my iPod.

 

All right-y then.

 

Hail Loki ❤

Hail Thor!

and

Hail the Gods and ancestors!

 

~~~

*’Personal Jesus’ is a song that I have long associated with Loki.

‘Immigrant Song’ is a song about Vikings – and thus, I’ve found it an easy association with the Norse Gods.

Month for Loki, Day 3: Pandoramancy

Today is a simple post.

It is about a few particular songs that have haunted me this past year  — mostly through random television and radio commercials, and various ironic instances of radio pandoramancy.

The first instance featured Kelly Clarkson’s Breakaway:

My husband and I were attending a three-day weekend fetish event that was held at a pretty swank hotel, and I awakened early one morning to the chorus of this song playing loudly — as the theme to a travel commercial.

All I could think was that the chorus of the song somehow jibed with the concept of ‘breaking away’ from the mundane world, since the chorus of —

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes til’ I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway —

was set against a backdrop various highlights sponsored by the local tourist board  – from pristine shores edged by serene blue ocean, to majestic blue-white mountains rising from lush carpets of evergreen trees, to the sophisticated glow and bustle of the theatre and shopping district of the capital city , all peopled by smiling faces of travelers enjoying themselves in the lovely state of ____, but I just noticed the tune of a song that I’d never heard before.

And the words of that chorus rang in my head:

make a wish 

                Take a chance 

                                    Make a change

And

break

away

and I looked blearily at the clock.

4:30AM.

I fished the remote out from beneath the pillow upon which my husband was sleeping soundly, and after several irritably clumsy attempts at jabbing random buttons in the dim light, I was finally able to mute the volume.

My husband never even stirred.

Then, I rolled over, and tried desperately to go back to sleep.

But sleep would not come.

I had that fucking song as an earworm for the rest of that event.

And I saw/heard that commercial at least six times in the next two days, though it was always when I was alone, and always when I was resolutely trying not to think about it being a specific nudge toward the inevitable.

Make a change

And break away….

(I ended up JFGI once I reached home, and was able to dislodge the earworm somewhat, but it shall forever remain a definitively Lokean earworm from that day forward, for the very reason for the awful realizations that I came to during that weekend…and what fresh hell of a twist came into my life not even two weeks later.)

~~~~

Cut to a few months later, there was Sara Bareilles’ ‘Brave’….

This song was used as a theme  in a Microsoft Windows commercial…or maybe it was even for a cellphone that featured some sort of Microsoft technology.

I seem to remember arguing with V about our increasingly lack of connection, and our seeming inability to communicate as of late…and yet here was this fucking commercial suddenly blaring in the background, advertising some new aspect of communication technology.

Either way, the first time that I noticed the lyrics:

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I was actually in half-hearing the commercial, and the irony of that moment so unsettled me that I stopped me in mid-sentence.

My husband didn’t even notice.

I’d wager that he thought that my sudden silence had meant that he’d won the argument.

And, like the previous song, I hadn’t actually come across the opportunity to hear the whole song, until I was sitting in a Wendy’s having lunch one day, almost a month later.  ( I had to JFGI’d the above video, because I’d caught the tail-end of the song, because it ended just as I was sitting down to eat.  Only then, did I realize, with increasing dismay, what a spectacularly Lokean sneaky ton of bricks message that song was in its entirety.)

And would it surprise you that the song that immediately followed Brave was Jesse McCartney’s Beautiful Soul?

 

(Such an irrepressible flirt He is.)

 

~~~~

Hail Loki, Lord of Pandoramancy!

 

 

 

I wanna get better

 

I do.

And I will.

 

At least, that is what I have been telling myself.

Music chain: More of that brick to the head…

So.

Y’know how I was saying that I’ve been having not just one of those days but one of those lives?

It’s not at all a bad thing, and there’s a lot of personal shit that I’ve been (kinda sorta maybe) forcing myself to slog through.   Going to a therapist lately has also dredged up some issues, so I’ve been feeling pretty raw, as well.

Sometimes I’m not fit for human interaction, but I’m working on it.

 

So I keep hearing this song on iHeart radio.

It’s Pandoramancy at its finest.

It’s a big hit everywhere, I suppose, but I take it that  DC101 has really been playing the hell out of it, so, as you might guess, V has been hearing this song a lot, too.

So I shouldn’t have been surprised (or even incredulous, like I was,) when he said to me the other day how awful it must feel to always be afraid, and bizarrely enough, he referred me to this song.

As if I had never heard of it.

Funny that.

He queued it up for me to listen to, watching my reaction as it began to play.

I took a few deep breaths.  I think that he may have been trying to relate to me, or trying to convince me that he understood my feelings.

I don’t know.

Old habits die hard.

It was difficult for me not to be tempted to give into the rage that I was feeling at that very moment.

“It must be awful.  Living like that.  Always being afraid,” he said to me.

(My. God.  Really?)

But!   Then the chorus filled in, for me:

You’re too mean, I don’t like you, fuck you anyway
You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs
It hurts but I won’t fight you
You suck anyway
You make me wanna die, right when I

 

 

Ah, you suck anyway, indeed.

But I didn’t say it.

I didn’t have to.

 

It was a sort of odd moment, though.

We stood looking at each other, and I thought to myself, I don’t have to say anything.

But inwardly, I smiled a little.

 

Keep on dreaming, don’t stop breathing, fight those demons…

 

You know.  That, too.

 

Brick to the head! Again.

Things are looking up.

Did you ever have one of those days?

I seem to be having one of those lives.

Oh, no, please do not misunderstand me.

I don’t think that that is entirely a bad thing, mind you.  I’m kinda sorta getting what I asked for…in the most roundabout way possible.

~~~~

Let me start from the end, and work backwards…

This song:

 

…which has these lyrics:

Come with me now
Come with me now
Whoa, come with me now
I’m gonna take you down
Whoa, come with me now
I’m gonna show you howWhoa, come with me now
I’m gonna take you down
Whoa, come with me now
I’m gonna show you how

Afraid to lose control
And caught up in this world
I’ve wasted time, I’ve wasted breath
I think I’ve thought myself to death

I was born without this fear
Now only this seems clear
I need to move, I need to fight
I need to lose myself tonight

Whoa, come with me now
I’m gonna take you down
Whoa, come with me now
I’m gonna show you how

I think with my heart and I move with my head
I open my mouth and it’s something I’ve read
I stood at this door before, I’m told
But a part of me knows that I’m growing too old

Confused what I thought with something I felt
Confuse what I feel with something that’s real
I tried to sell my soul last night
Funny, he wouldn’t even take a bite

Far away
I heard him say (Come with me now)
Don’t delay
I heard him say (Come with me now)

Far away
I heard him say (Come with me now)
Don’t delay
I heard him say (Come with me now)

Whoa, come with me now
I’m gonna take you down
Whoa, come with me now
I’m gonna show you how

Afraid to lose control
And caught up in this world
I’ve wasted time, I’ve wasted breath
I think I’ve thought myself to death

I was born without this fear
Now only this seems clear
I need to move, I need to fight
I need to lose myself tonight

Whoa, come with me now

Whoa, come with me now
I’m gonna take you down
Whoa, come with me now

~~~~~

 

 

Four Simple Words

 

Because I want to dance.

 

(And, also, just in case that you didn’t know: Frank Turner is awesome.)

I Want Your Hands On Me

I had some things to say, but then I got to thinking how words get in the way, sometimes.

It’s 2 AM where I am

…and this is all I’d really want right this minute , anyway.

Hold on, I’m having a moment…

About three o’ clock this afternoon, I was having a moment in my local Publix, when I realized that the Doors’ rendition of “Gloria’ was playing on the in-store music system.

Of course, it was likely this version:

 

…because it ended entirely too soon.

While I definitely heard Jim Morrison screaming, I don’t think that it was the full Doors’ (read ‘dirty’) version:

Lyrics here

…which totally involves that infamous second and third verse.

~~~

But I know those verses, so while I was half-expecting them, I was also sadly aware that I was standing there in the canned goods aisle, with my mind on all those things that Publix doesn’t intend to sell to me.

But! — if Publix had played the full version, then it would have totally been a…truly Dionysian moment par excellence.

“Here she is in my room, oh boy…”

Oh boy, indeed.

;D