I was in the car the other day, listening to music on an alternative rock station.
Then, the station cut to a little promotional blurb wherein Ben Gibbard, guitarist and vocalist for Death Cab for Cutie, gave the station ID for the top of the hour. These blurbs are often created to do the double duty of promoting the station and the band, as well as to make a convenient segue into the next song, which I presumed meant that it should be a Death Cab for Cutie song.
But I was feeling rather depressed, and since I have never been a fan of that band specifically due to the fact that their sound strikes me as rather depressing, I was poised to change the station.
But then this song came on:
I’d never heard this song before, but I was immediately delighted with it.
It didn’t sound to me like your typical Death Cab for Cutie song, and in that, I was pleasantly surprised.
Hm.
Not only was this a sweet moment of pandoramancy – since I had recently been feeling morbid over the recent news concerning the impending death of a beloved relative – it was perhaps a subtle reminder to keep an open mind and an open heart.
Well, I know what that means; if you’re going to have a drink, then so shall I.
-Peanut, renowned gadfly/theatre critic
~~~
If you have been following this blog for any length of time, you may have noticed that I am prone to social anxiety. It is not something that I am proud of, but it is something that often affects my daily life. As a result, I’ve developed many coping strategies and behaviors over the years. Some of them are outward physically noticeable coping mechanisms that serve to help me function better when I find myself in anxiety-inducing situations, while others are inward psychological behaviors and patterns of thought-processing that help me through difficult mentally stressful situations.
However, I try as much as I can to function as normally as possible, but on a bad day, I am likely to avoid social interaction altogether.
Sometimes this desire to avoid social interaction will carry on for several days.
At times like that, I would almost welcome the chance to avoid.
But lately, more and more, I’ve been thrust into situations that make me anxious, but I am left to find a way through somehow anyway. These situations present themselves, and I am caught having to deal with exactly the sort of social situation that I’d more than likely rather avoid.
Today was just such a day. I was informed this morning that two acquaintances of mine (whom I do not know very well at all) were planning on stopping by my home later in the afternoon. Of course, I stressed about this, and was on edge all morning. I’m almost ashamed to admit that I had been practically avoiding them socially for over a month, but things converged last night somehow, and it became obvious to me this morning that I didn’t have a good excuse to avoid them for very much longer.*
Besides, they were only planning to stop by for an hour or two.
I started to think that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
So I buried myself in the activity of tidying up the house. I doubled up my dose on my anxiety meds (something I do with the OK of my physician, of course), and then I meditated and I exercised.
In short, I used every one of my physical coping strategies to prepare myself for that two hour window.
While I was out walking, I had an interesting moment of obvious pandoramancy, as this song came up twice in the music feed on my device:
Gods bless you, Frank Turner.
You seem to know exactly how I feel at times.
~~~
But then, you know what?
The situation with those visitors?
They never even showed up.
Perhaps tomorrow, they will…but I am ready to face them.
With a clean house and a clear, calm mind.
~~~
Hail Loki…for understanding the way I tend to be ❤
~~~
* There’s a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus, “Leave me the fuck alone” comes out as “Well, maybe. Sure. I guess I can see your point. – David Sedaris, A Friend in the Ghetto; from Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can get you in a lot of trouble. Manners are always important. Smart is good. Lucky is better. (Smart and lucky is the best of all.) Sometimes the long way around is the best way home. Never let the truth interfere with a good story.
(Neef’s Rules for Changelings from this book)
bloodteethandflame 