bloodteethandflame

A life in threes

Category: Loki

Earnestly occupied, and fascinated

From I09:

If time is a fluid concept, then I should really watch what I say from now on.

 

Gods, how I love language.

 

And I can so see some of my Gods being all over this sort of business. 😉

Water, fire, love… and madness.

We survived the first week of school pretty well, so I cannot say that things are going as badly as they were.

As a matter of fact, I’m almost afraid to admit that things might be slowly moving towards ‘going well’ these days.

 

So, with that said, we went out this weekend.

We went grocery shopping on Saturday morning, and got enough groceries to re-stock the pantry.

We even remembered to get the supplies to square away the pool so that we could actually enjoy our pool more often.

And swim in it we did.

We spent the bulk of  early daytime Saturday skimming, cleaning, and chlorinating the pool…followed by assembling pool floats so that we could spend the rest of the daylight enjoying the heat of the day in the water.

By the time that we were ready to be done with the pool for the day, it was time to settle in to watch the much anticipated new episode of Doctor Who, followed by the pilot episode of that new BBC series, Intruders.

We ordered out for Chinese, so I wouldn’t have to worry about cooking.

But then,  I realized that I had a produce drawer full of the best pie apples, so I ended up baking an apple pie after dinner, while we watched Intruders.

~~~~

Intruders gave me something weird to think about in the first ten minutes, as there was that (heavily promoted) scene with that mysterious night visitor holding one of those yellow 45 rpm adapters… and as it turns out, that scene eerily played out so very much fucking closer to a very strange childhood memory of mine than I had previously expected…. that I very nearly had a full-on panic attack upon watching that scene.

*shudder*  GAH.

NOW, while I can’t possibly guess at who those mysterious strangers will turn out to be in the series,  there is a part of my psyche that was and still is both intrigued and terrified by the possibilities.

What if they turn out to be….?

O.o

But I am telling myself that if they do…I’ll just take it as yet another instance of Sneaky Ton of Bricks, simply on par with an extreme What is My Life Even Moment.

Perhaps, if things get really intense, my experience may reach levels at the Ratio of Several WTFs Per Minute.

*breathes*

Anyway….there was…. that yesterday.

~~~~

Today, we went to the Farmer’s Market, and I got my opportunity to pick up some locally grown cucumbers, tomatoes, and green peppers.

As well, I picked up 3 lbs of organic honey.

Do you know what time it is?

 

Why it’s mead-making time, of course ❤

 

 

(Though I still need to get some powdered milk if I’m ever going to make that honey candy that I have been meaning to make, as well.)

 

And then…I was lucky to find a great deal on a new firepit, and I’m no idiot, so I brought home that business.

 

It’s more like a steel fire-bowl with legs, like this:

firepit

But I am going to build a stone encasement around it, making it a more permanent structure in my yard, like this:

exterior-enchanting-idea-of-the-fire-pit-made-of-stone-on-stone-ground-shaped-into-round-theme-surrounding-by-modern-chairs-awesome-exterior-features-warming-up-for-cool-fire-pit-ideas-546x409

Of course, this means that I will likely be recycling the broken clay chiminea:

chiminea

(lovingly nicknamed ‘Dick’)

that I have been using for all my firepit ritual needs for the last several years.

Unfortunately, ‘Dick’ was gifted to me by my oldest kid five years ago, and as much as ‘Dick’ received a lot of use – when home, I wrote a letter to burn as an offering at least every other week or so — ‘Dick’ has always seemed to be a haven for spiders.

Yes, even despite the heat and you know, flames(!)… these fearless  spiders…still live there, and I am more than content to let them continue to do so.

I mean, these spiders risk being barbecued on a fairly regular basis, so I figure that they must be some pretty bad-ass spiders.

Bad-ass fire spiders.

That is why it is that I think it best to leave the bad-ass fire spiders alone and create a nice fire-pit well away from them, to keep everyone safe and happy.

(And besides, Someone seems to love the idea of a new fire-pit.

 *nudge* *nudge*

How about FIRE NAO?  I would LOVE FIRE NAO.)

~~~

Speaking of which, my Much Beloved….

This:

(Lyrics here)

It’s the house telling you to close your eyes.

While I was out walking today, this song – by a relatively new band, Of Monsters and Men – came up on my YouTube recommendations:

 

 

Those lovely, haunting female vocals belong to Nanna Bryndís Hilmarsdóttir, and the male vocals are from guitarist/singer, Ragnar  þórhallsson.

 

And what I discovered is that Of Monsters and Men hail from Iceland…and they have just started touring the US.

They are quickly becoming known for having a penchant for writing story-songs (full of jaunty, complex rhythms) which are sometimes sung in duets between Nanna and Ragnar, as showcased here.

~~~

There is a lot in this song that I can relate to…or at least a lot in there that is similar to my own present experience that I found myself relating to this morning.

Especially in the ‘little talks’ that I’ve been having between my insecurities and my fears that have led my brain into many a sleepless night.

 

 

 

This is what I meant to share on my Facebook wall:

From the Elephant Love & Relationships page:

“And I will love some of you with some of me, and then all of you with all of me, if you let me and if I let you, as we get to know. And I hope we each have the honor and pleasure to feel sad, together, and joy, together, and lust, together…and lunch on the lawn at Farmers’ Market, together. I like dumplings with too much hot sauce.”

Join, https://www.facebook.com/thingsiwouldliketodowithyou, get the book when it releases.”

 

Now I ask you:

Who does this sound like to you?

Hmm?

I dunno…Do you?

 

It is truly the Subtlesauce that sings!

 

So here goes….

Now won’t  you sing *that* fscking song with me?

Alll of mee loves all of yooouuu…

 

 

*facepalm*

 
*sigh*

Definitely.

To put it bluntly, I have been having a rough time as of late.

I tried posting about it, but for some reason, WordPress kept erroring out, so here goes another post.

 

We will see what happens.

I sense that there’s another complete overhaul of my life coming.

~~~

I woke up this morning with an earworm, that if nothing else, shows me to be a child of the 80’s:

 

(And just to note, it’s more like ‘at 4:00 AM’ rather than ‘at the midnight hour’ — but other than that, most things about this experience are about the same, relatively speaking.)

~~~

 

Goodbye July: Leaving this final thought

So today is August 1st, and July 2014 was quite an intense month for me personally and emotionally, even if I didn’t blog about it as frequently as I’d intended.

It was definitely a Month for Loki, and it definitely involved several major lessons in my life.

And I woke up this morning with this song stuck in my head, only to find that Epix was playing Pink’s concert from February 2013, and this song was one of her encores:

 

So, with that in mind, I leave July

 

and begin August with a final thought

 

that no matter what happens, I must not forget —

 

Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me

 

~~~

Point taken, Sir ❤

 

Month for Loki, Day 14: Art…and anxiety.

My only anxiety is what I can do… Could I not be of use and good for something?….This world only concerns me insofar as I feel a certain debt and duty towards it and out of gratitude want to leave some souvenir in the shape of drawings or pictures…to express sincere human feeling.  

                                                                                           – Vincent Van Gogh

~~~

This past month, I’ve been doing a lot of drawing.

I’ve still yet to put any of my artwork on DeviantArt, but I’ve got quite a stack now, so stay tuned.

For one thing, I’ve been getting a lot of practice drawing facial expressions – including lots of noses.  (I’m getting better at drawing noses, so that’s a plus.)

Such as it is, I’m really pleased with yesterday’s sketch – which came together relatively quickly –  but I have to do some clean-up on it, or otherwise I’d be posting it.

~~~

I had just been saying to a dear friend that I very rarely draw things directly out of my head, as I often use photos or at the very least, I’ll do a few body/face/positioning studies before I actually draw anything.  Within about twenty minutes from ending the conversation – and having not much intent to draw anything moments before – I found myself absentmindedly sketching a face on my drawing pad.

And next thing I know, a whole scene started quickly to come together, and I sketched a woman’s face, eyes nose, mouth…and then, her shoulders and torso, and then…sketched the outlines of a face of a man… his shoulders, chest, and torso…and soon —

I realized that I had drawn a pretty detailed rendition of a young man with long hair and a goatee, lying with his head resting casually in the woman’s lap. The woman is looking downward, smiling at him, and her hand rests lightly on his bare chest.  He is looking up at her, with a playful grin, and he is winking at her.

I could hardly believe that the sketch came together so quickly, so smoothly, with so few erasures/corrections — all within about twenty minutes of first putting pencil to paper.

(If I had sat down with the focused intent to draw such a scene, my usual attempts would be made slowly, carefully, and fraught with erasures as I stress over perfecting the jawline, or re-drawing the nose for the third time, or what-have-you, and that whole process would usually take me hours.)

 

So you might imagine how surreal it felt to suddenly find myself drawing …

 

And everything

— their facial expressions, the positions of their bodies —

just seemed to flow effortlessly from the pencil to the paper, almost without stopping, and entirely without much intent on my part

within the span of 20 minutes.

 

~~~

Later on, while making dinner, I was talking to an artist friend of mine, and he asked me how my sketching had been going.

I excitedly mentioned how easy things had been that day while I was sketching, and he remarked that it seemed supernatural compared to my usual anxious plod-through.

 

Hey, d’you think that it means this thing was divinely inspired? I laughed.

I dunno, but I love it when sketching’s like that, he responded.  It may not be divine, but it sure is magic.

 

Indeed.

 

~~~

Hail Loki ❤

 

 

 

Month for Loki, Day 13: Preparation is everything.

So, if I haven’t already mentioned, I have been taking a course in Shapeshifting, through Cherry Hill Seminary.

It’s been an interesting few weeks to say the least.

I am preparing for the final project next week

 

 

and I decided to get some help from Mr. Tea:

 

:MrTea

 

His pants are full of mugwort, and he’s now relaxing in my teacup.

 

We will see how this goes.

 

This is where the magic happens.

 

Wish me luck!

~~~

Hail Loki, Shapeshifter ❤

Month for Loki, Day 12: Lightning

I walked to the grocery store today, to pick up something for dinner.

It had begun to rain shortly before I left, so I was unusually prepared for once, and I brought my umbrella.

So there I was walking under my umbrella, listening to my iPod, and thinking about what sort of meat that I should buy for dinner…

And next thing I know, I do believe that I came extremely close to being struck by lightning.

 
I was listening to Marilyn Manson’s cover of ‘Personal Jesus’* on my iPod —

 

and right at that final chorus of Reach out and touch faith

 

–I saw a bright flash and I felt a brief electric shock that made my hand go numb.

I dropped my umbrella, frightened, and looked up as I heard the after-rumble.

 

 

Right then, Led Zeppelin’s ‘Immigrant Song’ began to play on my iPod.

 

All right-y then.

 

Hail Loki ❤

Hail Thor!

and

Hail the Gods and ancestors!

 

~~~

*’Personal Jesus’ is a song that I have long associated with Loki.

‘Immigrant Song’ is a song about Vikings – and thus, I’ve found it an easy association with the Norse Gods.

Month for Loki, Day 10: A Dream

I had a dream wherein He spoke to me and said that there were three things that I should work on…
And then I had another dream that got in the way of the memory of the first dream.

~~~

That second dream – the one that got in the way of my memory – was about taking V to court in Plainsville, NY (but I think that it was supposed to be Plattsville)…and we had an older daughter who was kinda difficult to handle because she was so angry, and I couldn’t get her to calm down.

But she was there because she had testified in my favor, and the judge ended up siding with me.

I don’t know what that meant.

~~~
But the first dream, Loki talked with me, but I could not remember what I was supposed to work on.
So when I awoke, K told me that He told zir to tell me that I should work on:

Trust, loyalty…. and forgetting.
But K wouldn’t say what that was in regards to.

Stay loyal to what?

Forget about what?

K said that zie was told that I could figure it out.

~~~
And then I remembered something:  Loyalty had something to do with the poly thing: that I should stop the behavior of having sex with certain people.

He said that He wanted to choose, and it showed a disrespect of Him or lack of loyalty to Him, to have situations with certain people.

And I remember Him showing me, in images rather than words, to whom He was referring.

He was saddened by something in my behavior, similar to some dreams I’d had before wherein He would say that I knew how to listen and/or do, but that I just didn’t want to.
That made me sad, too.
And the forgetting concerns the past, of letting the past go… of not letting the past keep me from moving forward towards what is changing.

 

You are changing, He said, and I am pleased with you.  Don’t stop.  Don’t relent.

 

I know what that means.

 

But I am anxious.

 

I know what He is talking about.